Page 33

–––––

Luca

I carefully removed my arm from under Juri’s head and sat up. My stomach growled, reminding me of the time. A quick glance at my phone showed it was already seven o’clock. It was definitely time to eat.

Juri had fallen asleep, and I wondered if it was because of the drugs. The fact that he had taken something bothered me; I didn’t know why, but I took it personally. Still, my concern outweighed my anger, and it saddened me to see him pumping himself full with this crap.

I got dressed and quietly left the room, letting him sleep a little longer.

Once dinner was ready, I would wake him up.

After a quick shower, I started cooking.

While chopping carrots for the tomato sauce, I heard keys jangling at the door.

Moments later, Hector entered the apartment, impeccably dressed in his usual suit and tie.

Since that day with Juri, I hadn’t seen him. I still hoped he hadn’t noticed me then, but I couldn’t be completely sure.

“Hello,” he said casually.

“Hi,” I replied in a reserved manner.

Hector bypassed New Year’s wishes and other small talk as he headed straight to his office. I stood there, momentarily bewildered, before refocusing on the vegetables.

He didn’t notice me. I would have seen it in his eyes if he had. I know him well enough for that.

I had managed to push Hector out of my thoughts all this time. But now, I wondered how he reconciled everything with his family. I didn’t assume his wife knew anything about his … inclination?

Personally, I didn’t care, because knowing that he was also with men made me feel like I understood him a little better. But why gay escort? There were plenty of young guys he could have sex with for free.

Or was that precisely it? As Juri had told me, his service consisted of giving men what they desired.

Something started working in my head, and as clouds gathered, my mood darkened.

I should probably come to terms with the fact that as soon as Juri can climb the stairs again, he’ll hop out of here and go back to his job.

So calm down , I scolded myself irritably and returned to slicing the vegetables. Every day he’s still here is a bonus day.

I should keep a close eye on his progress. I wouldn’t want him to catch me off guard with his departure.

“How are you doing?”

Startled, I turned to see Hector opening the fridge to grab a ginger shot.

“Good. And you?”

I sound casual. That’s good.

“Everything’s great. And how’s your patient?” Hector glanced at Juri’s closed bedroom door before looking back at me. “Or has he moved out already? If I remember correctly, he got the walking boot today.”

“Wow, you’re really well-informed.”

“You were at work; we chatted a bit.”

Of course …

“He’s sleeping,” I said, continuing to chop the carrots. “It didn’t turn out as much as he’d hoped today. He has the walking boot now, but he’s still not very mobile. It’s really gotten to him.”

When Hector didn’t respond, I stopped cutting and turned to face him. Hector had this expression on his face as if he were about to say something.

“What?” I asked.

“You … I’ve never heard you talk like that before.”

I grimaced. “What do you mean?”

Hector widened his eyes. “Could it be that you like the guy?”

My eyes darted back in a high arc from the living room to the kitchenette as my thoughts tried to keep up. I shook my head. “Nonsense. No. He’s just my muse.”

“Did you have sex?” Hector asked bluntly.

I choked on my own breath and coughed. “No!”

“You’re lying.”

“Stop it!”

“It’s not a big deal.”

Hector grinned, but there was also something else flashing in his eyes. I wasn’t sure if he truly believed what he had just said. Maybe it bothered him after all, and he was afraid I might compete with him for Juri.

Just the thought made me smirk. It wasn’t like there was anything going on between Juri and me. Besides, it was totally absurd to think that there would ever be more.

“And even if,” I said, turning back to the carrots, “it’s not much different from Matteo. As soon as he has enough strength in his legs again, our paths will diverge. I have enough material for my project.”

“What did he do all day?”

“I think he read a lot. Had a photo blog.”

“Uh-huh? What else?”

I looked at Hector, confused. He opened his ginger shot and downed it in one gulp. Then he tossed the small bottle in the trash, leaned with crossed arms against the kitchen counter, and waited for my answer.

At that very moment, I became aware of my situation.

By now, I knew about Juri’s job as a callboy.

In retrospect, I was surprised at how blind I had been during Hector and Juri’s first encounter.

Damn it! I had to catch them having sex first to realize that they had known each other much longer than they claimed.

Later, Juri even talked about Hector when it came to terminating his apprenticeship contract.

And now, Hector stood before me, asking what Juri had been up to all day.

“I don’t know … What do you mean?”

Hector smiled and shook his head slightly. “You’re a puzzle, Luca Mazzi. Now you have the opportunity to really get to know someone, but you still can’t muster up genuine interest.”

Genuine interest? I paused. “That’s not true at all. I know his food preferences. His taste in music, what movies he likes. I even interviewed him about his job.”

I abruptly stopped speaking. I hadn’t dropped the bomb yet, and Hector had no idea that I had seen him with Juri.

He probably assumed we had been discussing his culinary training.

Still, I detected a hint of distrust and nervousness in the emerging crease between his brows.

With his piercing lawyer’s gaze, he scanned me before shaking off the suspicion and offering a smile.

“But that’s not what I mean.”

I wrinkled my forehead in confusion. “Then what do you mean?”

“I’m talking about things like … For example … What occupies him? What are his fears? His desires?”

“We aren’t together, if that’s what you mean.”

“You don’t have to be together for that, Luca. You lived together for two weeks. One would think you’d talk about deeper things. And especially if you want to make movies, that seems like something you could practice.”

Talking about deep things? I stared at Hector for a while and let his words sink in. He wasn’t wrong, and I was well aware of my shortcomings. “Looks like I don’t have that something. How am I supposed to train for something like that?”

Hector raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Do you really think that?”

“That’s just not me. As soon as I notice that Juri finds the topic uncomfortable, I refrain from poking around further. I don’t want to hurt him. That’s just not who I am.”

“You should have a little more faith in your fellow human beings. They’re not made of glass. You’ve made a vow not to hurt anyone anymore, but that’s simply impossible, yes, unrealistic, and it won’t get you anywhere either. How about taking a little risk?”

“I can’t,” I said firmly. “That’s not me. Not anymore.”

“Okay, then … How about this? Fake it till you make it.”

I narrowed my eyes and directed a penetrating stare at Hector. “You didn’t just say that out loud.”

“Yes, I did. And if you don’t have a New Year’s resolution yet, you can use that one. Listen to me, Luca. I’m older and have twenty more years of experience than you.”

“You sound like a teenager right now.”

“And you’ll be at a loss in twenty years if you don’t get moving.

I understand that your past weighs heavily on you, and you’ve found support in your resolution.

But you’ve gotten yourself stuck in something that’s somehow blocking you.

Trust me, you won’t lose anything if you take a little risk. On the contrary. You can only gain.”

I let out an exasperated snort and returned my attention to the cutting board. “Are you joining us for dinner?” I asked, my irritation evident in my tone.

“No, I’ll be leaving soon,” Hector sounded somewhat disappointed. “But think about what I said.”

As I turned my head to him, he was already disappearing around the corner, and I heard him shuffling in his office. Well, it was fine if he didn’t eat with us. I was actually okay with that. This way, there wouldn’t be any awkward moments.

“I’ll be in Barcelona for the next few days,” he said as he headed to the cloakroom with a full bag. “We probably won’t see each other again for another two weeks.”

“Okay, then … have fun.”

“I will,” he said, turning around one more time and winking at me. Then he left the apartment.

Was he not traveling with his family? Now that I knew about his preference for men, I didn’t even want to imagine what he was up to in Barcelona.

But well, that’s his business. I’ll just take care of my own stuff.

My project. It’s about time I got moving on that. Everything else can wait.

The sauce was almost ready, and the pasta was al dente when Juri came out, rubbing his face tiredly.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” he murmured, limping over to the dining table.

“I was going to. You’re just in time.”

I prepared two plates and set one in front of him. I ate my portion in silence, unable to shake off Hector’s words from my mind.

More profound things. Hmm …

Well, it was worth a try. Maybe that would spark some ideas for me. And as dejected as Juri looked, maybe a conversation would do him good.

After we both finished eating, I piled the empty plates in the kitchen and sat back down with him. The cable was still on the table since our last conversation, so I plugged in my phone and started recording.

“What’s this?”

“Just ignore it,” I said, placing it back in the same position as last time.

He sighed. “You want to know more.”

“No. I just want to talk. Is that so bad?”

Grumbling, Juri lit a cigarette and opened the window.

“You can take the ashtray inside,” I said, lighting a cigarette myself. When he sat back down and exhaled the smoke, I noticed his glassy eyes. “Why did you take something?”

“Because I’m slowly going crazy here. I feel like I’m in prison.”

“But now you can walk again by yourself.”

“Yes! Like a damn cripple.”

I grinned, tapping my cigarette over the ashtray, wondering how to have a profound conversation. And before I knew it, Juri was meeting me halfway.

“What was that earlier? You were really freaked out.”

“I…” Mind your own business , was my first reflex, which unfortunately I couldn’t ignore, so I turned the tables. “You were lying unconscious on the ground. With a damn noose around your neck. I thought … Do you do this often?”

Juri bit his lower lip and fiddled with his lip piercing. Tapping the ash off, he took a deep drag from his cigarette. “Occasionally,” he admitted and blew out the smoke.

“Why?”

“It calms me down. Keeps me from slipping into drugs.”

“You were on drugs,” I reminded him.

“Yeah, but that was nothing.”

I stared at him with wide eyes. “That was nothing? You could seriously harm yourself with that.”

“You already sound like Stoney.”

“What? The long-haired singer? I don’t get it.”

Juri shook his head slowly. “His mother was a junkie. Died just before we met up with him at the Olé-Olé-Bar. I’m just trying not to end up like her.”

“Are you afraid of becoming like her?”

A laugh devoid of humor escaped Juri’s lips as he glanced down at the cigarette between his fingers. “Of course. It’s only a matter of time.”

“Why?”

Juri squirmed under my question, which somehow confirmed to me that it was the right one.

“I’m twenty-three. At best, I can still do this job for another ten years.

By then, I’ll be old. I’ve sent out over fifty job applications for an apprenticeship in the past two weeks.

As of this morning, I’ve already received thirty rejections.

Not even a recommendation letter from one of my clients made a difference.

They only see my age, the significant gap in my resume, and then I’m immediately sorted out. ”

“What would you like to do? Apart from all the requirements you’d have to meet.”

“No idea,” he said softly, picking at his thumb. “If I knew that, maybe I’d be one step further, but the fact is, it doesn’t matter. In the end, I’ll probably end up cleaning toilets.”

Excuse me? I didn’t want to go into that. “But let’s say you had one wish. What would it be?”

“I’m empty, Luca. The past few years have left more marks than you might imagine.”

I wasn’t going to settle for that. “No. That’s not true. You’re constantly doing something. What about this photo blog?”

Juri shrugged. “Just a hobby to pass the time here.”

I had never heard him speak with such resignation before. Surprisingly, it made me angry. A desire to help him ignited within me, and suddenly, I knew what Juri needed.

“You’re coming with me to training tomorrow. Take some photos. By now, you probably have the entire apartment captured. A change of scenery will do you good. And Dario knows about muscle building. Maybe he can show you some exercises for your leg or foot.”

“Dario?”

“My trainer. He’s cool. I’m sure he won’t mind if someone comes to photograph the studio. The pictures on his website are just old and awful.”

“I’m not …”

“No arguments. I still have my trial night at the Olé-Olé-Bar tomorrow, and there’s a concert at Exil on Saturday. But otherwise, we can do something over the weekend. Go to the lake or to the zoo.”

“It’s winter. And the weather isn’t exactly …”

“Even better, then there will be few people.”

Juri’s expression was priceless. I believe he didn't argue because he recognized that some fresh air would benefit him. Despite knowing it might accelerate his recovery and potentially hasten his departure, I pushed aside the thought of its implications.

I had to admit, I was enjoying my time with him.