Page 10

Next to the TV was a golden shrine with the Virgin Mary on it, while a colorful, hand-stitched wool blanket lay on the shabby brown leather sofa. As much as it seemed that Romero had never completely shed his inner child, it was an assault on the eyes.

“So,” he said, pulling two packs of pills out of the kitchen drawer. “That’s all I have left. Waiting on a new shipment.” He opened another drawer and took out a Mini Grip of cocaine. “Here.”

I gave him the two hundred that I always kept separate in my back pocket and stashed the stuff in my coat pocket. “Thanks.”

Romero followed me to the door, pocketing the money. “Oh, by the way,” he said as we stood in the stairwell again. Clutching onto my apartment key, I turned to face him. “I don’t want to ruin your day,” he said, “but I ran into your old man yesterday.”

My heart skipped a beat. I froze internally, staring at Romero with an expressionless face. He knew damn well I didn’t want to hear that. The asshole had put me through hell on earth. “So, he’s not dead yet,” I said with a cold, monotone voice.

“He asked about you.”

Without a word, I turned my back on Romero and inserted the key into the lock.

“He wanted to know how you’re doing.”

“Leave me alone, Romero. And when you see him next time, tell him I’m dead.”

“But he’s your familia .”

I stood still in front of the closed door, pressing my lips together. With all my might, I focused my thoughts on the only person who came closest to being family.

Noé .

He was the reason I had survived the horror.

With a jerk, I opened the door but paused once more. “See you,” I whispered and stepped inside.

With shallow breaths, I stood in the dark hallway and leaned my back against the door. In moments like these, I was glad I couldn’t receive clients at home, even if I had a spare room. I sank down to the floor and rested my forehead on my knees while covering my ears.

“Where are you, you good-for-nothing!” he yelled as he ripped the door open and delivered such a powerful blow that I collided with the wall and slumped down.

When I regained consciousness, he had already grabbed my arm and dragged me to the bed. My head was still pounding, but my fear overwhelmed everything as I looked up at him.

“I didn’t do anything,” I dared to say, but it only made him angrier.

With a flushed face, he unfastened his belt and pulled it out of the loops. My heart raced up to my throat, and my whole body trembled with fear.

“I’ve had enough!” he growled angrily. “That’s it! I’m going to kill you!”

With the first blow, I curled up small, trying to protect my head. Again and again, the buckle whipped down on me until I slumped to the ground, powerless. He kicked me forcefully in the stomach, causing me to curl up in pain.

“You worthless piece of shit!” he screamed with rage. “How can you be my son? You’re absolutely useless! You should be ashamed! Ashamed!”

With each blow, I longed for death to come, but it simply didn’t come to rescue me.

I furiously punched myself in the head, trying to focus on something else.

Calm down! Everything is okay. He’s not here. It’s over. He doesn’t have power over you anymore.

But it was no use. I was slipping into darkness, and it was just as frightening as the memories themselves. The walls closed in, threatening to crush me, and I felt smaller and smaller.

Everything I had achieved in my life was permeated by a thick sense of shame.

Like a dense fog, it rolled in and swallowed me whole.

I felt like the lowest piece of shit, becoming what my old man had always seen in me.

My throat constricted, and I gasped for air.

With trembling hands, I pulled out my phone, ignoring the many unread messages, and opened the chat with Noé.

“Stoney. Are you there?”

I couldn’t call, or I would have screamed and cried out loud. Typing helped me focus. For a while, I stared at the screen, but Noé didn’t respond. It even seemed like he had turned off his phone.

Damn it!

My heart raced faster and faster. I leaned my head back against the door behind me and tried to take deep breaths.

Think of something nice.

The first thing that came to mind was Luca’s face and his platinum blond hair. He hadn’t left my mind since then. I kept seeing his storm-gray eyes over and over again. God! I even remembered the mole on his chin. But what had stuck with me the most was his dreamy and polite manner.

I had no idea what he saw in me, but it definitely wasn’t the wreck I was right now. I quickly wiped away a tear and gasped for air. Thinking of him calmed me down a bit, and gradually, the tight feeling in my chest loosened.

I struggled to get up and went to my room.

I hung up my coat in the closet and took off the scarf from around my neck.

I tied it into a loop and hung it on the door handle.

Then I sat back against the door, looped the self-tied noose around my neck, and leaned forward, cutting off my own air supply.

My heart started racing, a tingling sensation spread through me, and my limbs grew heavy.

The lack of oxygen triggered panic, but also a euphoric sensation.

Still better than getting high on drugs.

Noé’s mother was the best deterrent and reason for my rule not to consume more than twice a week.

Self-strangulation helped me relax just as much.

Eventually, my muscles gave out, and I slumped to the floor, gasping for air. For a while, the world was okay again.