Page 42

–––––

Juri

I sat on the shower floor while Noé washed my entire body. I wanted to disappear into thin air. As the drug wore off, the shame took up more space.

“This is so humiliating,” I muttered, head hanging low.

“No, bro.” Noé rinsed the soap off with the showerhead, meeting my gaze. “Everything’s okay.”

“You don’t have to do this. I can wait until I can do it myself …”

“For you always, Rock.”

I sighed, knowing I would’ve done the same for him.

Like a pitiful mess, I sat with my legs drawn up against the wall, still feeling that numbness on my skin as Noé gently wiped it with a soft cloth.

The bright light blinded me, so I avoided looking at Noé.

When he tilted my head back and applied shampoo, I closed my eyes.

It wasn’t until he washed my face that I opened them again, blinking.

His expression was gentle and compassionate.

Thankfully, my vision was still slightly blurred.

Seeing him too clearly would’ve been overwhelming.

Eventually, Noé turned off the water, wrapped me in a large white towel, and rubbed my hair. “Can you stand?”

I grasped onto him, using his help to rise. He sat me on the toilet lid and dried me off. Despite feeling weak, I was regaining feeling in my body. As Noé draped his arm around my torso and guided me back to the bedroom, I gasped from the pressure on my ribs.

“I don’t like what you guys are doing,” Alex said, concerned. “He clearly belongs in the hospital.”

As I struggled to lie down, Noé led Alex out into the hallway, where I could still hear their conversation.

“I know, but …”

“Please, Noé. Your friend has rights. He should file a report.”

“His clients are wealthy guys with good lawyers. He wouldn’t stand a chance.”

“Clients?”

“He’s a callboy.”

Alex didn’t say anything more. When I turned my head toward them, my vision was still too blurred to see his expression.

“He was probably paid, which makes things even more difficult.”

“That sounds like it’s not the first time.”

It was sweet of Alex to stand up for me like that. Noé seemed to think so too and kissed him.

“Do you have painkillers?”

“I think so.”

As Alex vanished from sight, Noé reappeared, climbing onto the bed and settling beside me. His presence was a soothing balm, providing me comfort and reassurance. Just having him near made me believe that everything would be okay again.

“You’re staying here for a few days,” he said. “I won’t let you go home like this.”

“I’m ruining your Friday night, aren’t I?”

“Don’t talk nonsense.”

“I’m sorry.”

I had no idea what was happening to me. My body trembled, and I was on the verge of tears.

Deep down, I knew that what happened with Luca was affecting me much more than it should, but right now was not the right time to feel down.

However, I was an open book for Noé. He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer so I could cuddle up to him.

“Shh …”

Noé always had the ability to calm me down by making me feel safe.

Countless times, I found refuge at his place.

Although his mother had been a junkie and not always gentle with him, she had even threatened to report my father several times.

At least three times, she had taken me to the hospital against his will. Once, he had actually broken my arm.

“I’ll leave the painkillers here,” I heard Alex say.

“Thanks. I’ll come by later.”

“No problem. Stay with him.”

The love between them was evident even to me, and I didn’t want to disturb the peace between them. I let go of Noé and sat up with effort.

“It’s okay. I’m a big boy and can sleep by myself. Pass me the drugs.”

Noé chuckled and handed me the water as well. I almost dropped the glass because my wrist hurt so much. The bruises were already visible.

“I’ll stay with you tonight, Rock. We both know that’s better.”

I swallowed the pill, and he took the glass back. My restless gaze went to Alex, who was pressing his lips together in disbelief. He nodded to Noé and put his hand on his shoulder. “If anything happens, call me.”

“Of course.” Noé squeezed Alex’s hand, looking at him with gratitude.

All of a sudden, my phone vibrated on the nightstand behind me. Noé reached out his hand to me, looking grim. “Give it to me. I’ll cancel your upcoming bookings and take you off the grid for a while.”

“So drastic?” Alex didn’t sound like he disagreed, but Noé’s tone seemed to surprise him.

“Trust me, he’s probably thinking he’ll be back at work by tomorrow.”

It wasn’t the first time Noé did this for me.

By now, I was even grateful because it meant I wouldn’t fully grasp the extent of this incident until tomorrow.

Without looking at the screen, I handed it to him and lay back down.

Apparently, Alex had seen enough because he leaned over to Noé, gave him a kiss, and left the room.

While Noé checked the names of my upcoming bookings in my calendar and sent messages to the men via WhatsApp, I drifted off to sleep again.

However, my sleep was restless, punctuated by frequent nightmares.

Sensing my distress, Noé, experienced and compassionate, took my hand, and I finally fell into a more peaceful slumber.

I spent the entire Saturday in bed, utterly exhausted. When I woke up in the dark room, reaching out my aching body for a painkiller, I heard voices. Recognizing Noé and Alex, I felt a wave of calm wash over me, and I drifted back to sleep.

By the time I woke up on Sunday, I had finally slept enough. Although I would have liked to spend another day in bed, my mind was now wide awake. The sun streamed through the thin slats of the blinds, casting golden light on the dark green wallpaper.

I hadn’t noticed the room before. Two full walls were papered with a picture of a forest. To my left, a door led to a bathroom where my coat still hung on the door. Plus, I was lying on satin sheets. It was wonderful here.

I cautiously sat up. My body was still sore, but this time, lying down for a long time was partly to blame. After taking a shower, I slipped back into Alex’s comfortable clothes before venturing out of the room.

Judging by the position of the sun, it was midday.

The modernly furnished apartment felt summery bright, even though it was only late January.

Through the windows, Zurich’s rooftops were visible, and there was a steel blue sky.

Noé and Alex were lying on the huge sofa, kissing and embracing each other tightly.

I abruptly stopped, feeling like an uninvited guest. Just as I was about to turn around, they noticed me. Alex let go of Noé and stood up.

“Just come in. We’re done here,” he said.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“You’re not. Trust me, I’m even grateful to you.”

Noé remained lying on the sofa, grinning, as Alex hurried down the hallway and disappeared into a room next to a red lamp.

Does he have his own darkroom here?

“Sorry about that.”

“No problem,” Noé said, getting up as well. “He’s been ready to go for half an hour.”

“Does he work on Sundays?”

“The weather’s so good, he wanted to take some photos of new buildings. I stopped him.” His mischievous grin was heartwarming. “You must be hungry. Let’s cook something.”

While I drank half a liter of water, Noé started making his infamous Spaghetti Aglio e Olio.

“I’m off!” Alex exclaimed, giving Noé one last kiss before hurrying out the door.

After eating, exhaustion crept up on me again, so I retreated to Noé’s room.

Despite the absence of a TV and Noé still having my phone, I found solace in my thoughts of Luca.

Though I kept contemplating our stuck situation, trying to piece together what had happened, a wave of panic repeatedly hit me.

Despite everything, I couldn't bring myself to let him go.

I was angry with Luca, not just because he had filmed me, but also because he was partly to blame for what happened to me on Friday.

It was irrational, of course, yet it seemed as if he had deactivated my radar and muddled my instincts.

Before Luca, I was sure I would have sensed that something wasn’t quite right with Thomas and would have backed off.

It wasn’t the first time I’d been raped and beaten, but this time it felt different.

It took me longer than usual to get back on track.

Luca had softened me. He’d shown me something I never thought life could offer me.

I couldn’t even be mad at him for it; I just wished I could have done without the bittersweet pain in my chest.

The sudden break with Luca had thrown me back into my old life overnight.

And in just a few days, it had shown me that it was high time to stop.

It was hard for me to put on the mask of the callboy and play the role I was paid for.

I couldn’t deny to myself that the last month had changed me.

It was impossible to continue where I left off. It just couldn’t be done.

I’ll just clean toilets for a living. I don’t care. But I can’t keep doing this job any longer.

That thought finally brought me peace, and I fell asleep again.

By Monday, my body had recovered even more, and for the first time, I felt confident about finally being able to take new paths.

The apartment was quiet, but when I came out of the room, Alex was sitting at the dining table with his laptop, and Noé was squatting on the floor between the couch and the coffee table, scribbling some notes in his songbook.

“Hi,” I said, sitting down on the couch next to him.

“Hey. How are you?”

At that moment, Alex’s phone rang. He answered and got up. He took the call in the hallway, a bit further away from us.

“I need my phone,” I said.

Noé turned his head to me.

“I finally have to find a job and my laptop is at home.”

“Are you looking for another apprenticeship in the kitchen?” he asked, sitting down next to me on the sofa.

I shrugged. “Maybe my former chef is actually my last hope. None of the recommendation letters my clients sent me have brought any results so far.”

Noé pulled my phone out from under a stack of magazines. “Here. I’ve set your profile picture to black and canceled all appointments until the end of the week.”

“Thanks.”

“This Luca guy has tried to reach you several times already.”

I held my breath for a moment and pressed my lips together.

“Did he do that to you?”

“What? No? What makes you think that?”

“He has a boxing glove in his profile picture.”

I laughed. “Those are kickboxing gloves. And no, he has nothing to do with it.”

“I don’t believe you.”

The thoughts of Luca had been much more soothing in bed last night. Now they were just stirring up the storm inside me, which Noé also noticed.

“You lived with that guy for a month. What did you do there all the time?”

“Well … When he wasn’t around, I earned a bit of money with sex chats. Otherwise, I killed time with a photo blog and did some photography.”

“Show me! I like your photos.”

“The edited pictures are on my laptop, but …” I opened the photo app and scrolled back to the evening with Clé, Sandro, and Kevin. Noé knew the three, but he hadn’t seen them since he got sober. I scrolled through the pictures a bit and enjoyed hanging out with Noé and doing nothing.

“I like this one. This turned out really good.”

“Yeah, Clé is pretty photogenic,” I said. But then the pictures I had taken in Luca’s apartment surfaced. When the first photo of Luca appeared, I swallowed hard.

“Is that him?”

“Hmm …”

“That’s the guy you were with at the Olé-Olé-Bar, right?”

“You were so wasted back then, but you remember him?”

“His hair.”

Seeing Luca hurt my heart, and I hastily scrolled through the pictures until a few shots from the lakeside promenade came up.

“And what did he do to make you ignore his messages?”

“He broke a promise.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m the idiot here,” I said, shaking my head. “He made me break every one of my rules.”

“He made you? Then he must have pushed the right buttons. Or … you have feelings for him.”

“That’s why I’m telling you: I’m an idiot.”

Noé put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. “Why does a world always have to collapse before we can spend some time together again?”

“I don’t know,” I answered, enjoying his closeness. “But it sucks.”