Page 4 of ASAP
“Is that Bearemy Baggins?” Nathaniel points to the stuffed bear clasped to my chest.
“I found him in the closet,” I say defensively.
I feel a bit light-headed, and I’m not sure if it’s from being startled awake or Nathaniel’s presence. I can’t remember the last time we’d been alone together, probably not since we were dating. I try to transpose the sixteen-year-old boy he was then with the eighteen-year-old boy who stands before me now, but it’s impossible. So much about him has changed, at least physically. He was always athletic, but he’s grown into his body, his boyish softness gone. He’s wearing layers, but that doesn’t hide the fact that beneath his shirt and sweater, his shoulders are broad, his chest lean and strong. I cling even tighter to Bearemy.
“What are you doing here?” he asks, finally, and I take a deep breath.
“I couldn’t sleep, and so I decided to get some pizza, and I remembered the name of Joe’s Pizzeria from when I visited you that summer, but while I was there, I ran into Nadine, who wouldn’t let me take a taxi back to Manhattan this late at night, and so I ended up at your house.”
I stare at him. He stares at me.
“You don’t even like New York pizza,” he says. That would be his takeaway from my long-winded explanation.
“It’s not proper pizza,” I explain. “There’s no corn or sweet potatoes in the crust.”
“Sori, that’s a good thing.”
Nathaniel turns slightly, alerted by a sound down the hall. Stepping through the door, he closes it behind him.
And now we’re alone together behind a closed door. He must realize this too because he looks away from me, only for his eyes to widen slightly.
I follow his gaze to where my black T-shirt bra dangles from the back of his desk chair where I’d carelessly tossed it before climbing into bed. My body goes hot all at once. His eyes dart sharply to mine, and then we both look away. The Pikachu clock on the bookcase ticks loudly, counting each second. I have a moment’s hope that maybe this is all an awful dream, but even my subconscious wouldn’t be so cruel.
My phone chirps on the nightstand and I practically dive for it.
It’s a text from my father’s secretary, a very lengthy and detailed text.
“Is everything all right?” Nathaniel asks once I’ve finished reading the whole message, and his voice is calm, even.
“I have a lunch scheduled with my grandmother at her home.”
“Ah,” Nathaniel says, then adds politely, “That sounds... fun?” He must be remembering that my father’s mother isn’t exactly the kindest, most loving grandmother.
“My father’s secretary sent specifications on what sort of outfit I should wear, something elegant to quote ‘befit the only child of a future presidential candidate.’ A photographer will be present at the estate to take photographs for an article that’ll run alongside my father’s new ad campaign.”
Nathaniel lets out a low whistle. “You and Sun are like those rich people in dramas,” he says, attempting to lighten the mood.
I shake my head. “Sun is on a whole different level. He’s chaebol.”
Nathaniel raises a brow. “And you’re not?”
“My father is an assemblyman, and my mother is the CEO of Joah Entertainment. Neither owns conglomerates.”
“Is that all?” Nathaniel says dryly. There’s a smirk on his face, but as he looks away, his smile fades.
Here I’ve been arguing the difference between rich people in Korea and complaining about my wealthy family when his parents own a dry-cleaning service. Not that that’s not completely respectable, but it’s a far cry from being multimillionaires. Still, they’ve managed to help put all four of his sisters through college, without Nathaniel’s earnings from XOXO, as I know they refused to take money from him.
He clears his throat. “I should go. You need to sleep. You’re flying back to Korea tomorrow, right?”
“I swear I didn’t know you were coming home tonight.” Guilt makes my voice crack. “If I had, I would never have come back when Nadine asked me.”
“Sori, it’s fine.” Nathaniel’s tone is immediately gentle, kind.
I’m reminded of earlier tonight, when he’d put me in the taxi. There’s so much he does for me, and I feel like I’m always intruding into his life. Even that summer, he’d invited me to his house when I needed to escape from my life in Korea for a few weeks. He’s always giving me so much, and I give nothing in return. I’m supposed to be the wealthy one, but he’s the one who’s generous.
“Of course Nadine made you stay,” Nathaniel says. “There’s no way any of my sisters would let you go back to your hotel so late at night.” He sounds so proud that I can’t help smiling. “And you couldn’t have known I was coming over tonight. Even I didn’t know until half an hour ago, when I thought it would be funny to surprise my sisters. Joke’s on me. I was the one in for a surprise.”
“Then let me sleep on the couch, at least.” I push back the sheets.
But he’s already taking a step back toward the door, his hand on the knob. “My sisters would kill me if I let you sleep on the couch. In any case, you’ve already claimed my things.” I frown, not understanding. He lifts his chin in the direction of Bearemy Baggins, who I still grasp in a stranglehold.
“Night, Sori.” He switches off the light before closing the door behind him. I lie awake, listening to the tread of his footsteps as he walks down the hall, the creak of the steps as he descends the stairs. It doesn’t seem possible, but eventually I fall asleep.
The rumbling of voices from the kitchen below wakes me the next morning. I pick up my phone to see that it’s completely dead. After freshening up in the hallway bathroom, I head toward the stairs, pausing halfway when I hear Nathaniel’s sleep-roughened voice. “Where’re Mom and Dad?” I peek around the stairwell to see he’s sitting on the sectional, his blue hair mussed and sticking up in several directions.
“They’re visiting Halmeoni and Harabeoji in Toronto,” Noemi, his second eldest sister, answers him. She’s wearing colorful scrubs and sits on one of the two sofa chairs across from the sectional. “Mom is going to be so mad she missed you.” They’re speaking in English, and I have to concentrate to catch every word they’re saying. Cooking sounds travel from the kitchen, as well as the strong aroma of sizzling bacon.
“You told us you wouldn’t be able to visit this trip,” Noemi says chidingly.
“I’m so flattered that all of you showed up for your one and only little brother’s concert,” Nathaniel complains loudly.
“Aw, you’re welcome.” This is from Natalie, his third eldest sister, who sits with her legs pulled up on the other sofa chair, reading a book.
“If you wanted us to go, you should have sent us tickets,” Nadine says, from just behind me. “Good morning, Sori.” I follow her sheepishly down the stairs and into the living room.
“Did we wake you?” Noemi asks, perking up at the sight of me. “We can be a bit much in the morning. How did you sleep?” She’s switched from English to Korean for my benefit.
“I slept well,” I reassure her, which is the truth. I slept better last night than my whole trip, even if it was only for a few hours.
“How’d Bearemy Baggins sleep?” Nathaniel drawls. “Not perished from asphyxiation, I hope?”
“You let Sori sleep with Bearemy?” Natalie looks up from her book. “You wouldn’t let me touch him when we were growing up.”
“You’re still growing,” Nathaniel says, throwing one of the couch pillows at her. She easily deflects it with the book.
“What’s for breakfast?” I ask, poking my head into the kitchen. “It smells delicious.” Spotting a universal charging station by the wall, I plug my phone in and place it among the many devices.
“Pancakes!” Nadine says, following me into the kitchen. “Also eggs, bacon, sausage, and breakfast potatoes.”
“Sori’s used to Korean food for breakfast,” Nathaniel says. “Rice. Soup. Vegetables.”
Nadine opens the fridge. “We have kimchi. Might be weird with pancakes.”
“No, please.” I laugh. “I love pancakes.”
“Good morning, Sori.” Nicole, Nathaniel’s eldest sister, smiles at me from where she’s cooking by the stove, and I quickly bow to her.
“I’ll take some kimchi,” Natalie says, pulling out a chair at the table.
His other sisters follow suit, with Nathaniel and I taking their parents’ usual seats on opposite sides of a rectangular table. I worry that it’ll be awkward, with their brother’s ex-girlfriend in their midst, but it’s like I’m not even there, which is exactly what puts me at ease. The conversation is lively, switching between English and Korean. They talk over each other, laugh, interrupt, tease. It’s difficult to get a word in, but I don’t mind, grateful to be included.
“Eonni,” I say, “can you pass the eggs?” All four of Nathaniel’s sisters turn to look at me. I’d meant Noemi, as she’s sitting nearest the eggs, but all his sisters start reaching for dishes to offer me.
“Do you want another pancake, Sori?” This in English from Nadine.
“Have more bacon, Sori-yah.” This in Korean from Nicole.
Noemi stands up from her seat to spoon an egg onto my plate, and Natalie offers me kimchi.
“So glad I’ve turned invisible,” Nathaniel complains in English, before switching to Korean. “Sori, you want grape juice?” His chair skids against the tiles as he stands and moves to the fridge. “What happened to the grape juice?”
“It’s in the outdoor fridge,” Nadine answers without turning around.
He leaves the kitchen and heads toward the garage. Everyone is silent until the back door bangs. Then all four sisters start talking at once.
“Sori, I’m so glad you’re here.”
“We didn’t think we’d see you again after...”
“That summer you stayed with us was the best.”
“Nadine is studying abroad in Seoul this spring. I’d feel a lot better if she knew someone in the city besides Nathaniel.”
I turn to Nicole, who’d spoken, then to Nadine. “You didn’t say anything last night! Yes, please contact me when you get there. I’ll take you shopping.” It’s the least I can do after all the kindness their family has shown me.
She grins. “I’d love that. What’s your number?” She’s plugging in my number just as Nathaniel returns with the grape juice.
After breakfast, I’m shooed from the kitchen so that Nathaniel and Natalie can clean. After quick goodbyes, Nicole and Noemi run out the door, with Nicole dropping off Noemi at the clinic before going to her job at the elementary school. Nadine sprawls on the couch beside me, flipping channels on the television. I sit cross-legged beneath a blanket, which Noemi had curled around my shoulders before she’d left, my hands circled around the glass of grape juice.
My chest feels warm. I have to leave soon to make it back to the hotel in time, but I want to stay a little longer. I had felt this way the last time I’d visited. As if, even if it was only for a short while, I was part of a family, a home.
“Ooh, the Korean channel,” Nadine says, settling on a channel. “Our grandparents watch this one every morning when they visit.” On the screen, a television presenter sits at a news desk, a foggy backdrop of the capital city, Seoul, laid out behind her.
“Last night, around 18:00, Assemblyman Min was spotted leaving a hotel suite...”
I sit up on the couch, the blanket falling off my shoulders. The screen changes to a late-night video of a man in dark sunglasses leaving the lobby of a hotel. “That’s—that’s my father.”
“Wait, are you serious?” Nadine raises the volume.
“He was accompanied by an unidentified woman who was not his wife, Seo Min Hee, CEO and founder of Joah Entertainment.”
“Sori...”
In a daze, I place the glass on a side table, standing to retrieve my phone from the charging station. As it powers on, it floods with messages and missed calls from both my parents’ secretaries. My hands are shaking so much that I drop my phone and it clatters on the kitchen floor. I reach for it, but Nathaniel gets there first, picking it up.
“Are you all right?” he asks softly, handing me the phone.
I don’t know how to answer that. I’m upset. I’m shocked. I’m embarrassed.
“I-I have to go to the hotel. I need to pack.”
“I’ll drive you,” Nadine says. “Natalie, get the rest of Sori’s things.”
“I’m sorry,” Nathaniel says, once they’re gone, and I know he’s remembering the reason why I came to his home that summer.
Because of my father’s extramarital affairs, I was being bullied at school, treated like an outcast. My mother couldn’t divorce my father—he owned too many shares in her company. And he wouldn’t divorce her, not if he wanted to one day be president. It didn’t matter that they hated each other, that they no longer slept in the same room. By then, my father had already moved out, living in a penthouse suite of a hotel. But somehow information about our private life had leaked to the public, and everyone in school found out about it.
I broke down in this very living room the morning we had to fly back. I didn’t want to go back to Korea. I wanted to stay here, with his family, with him.
Looking at Nathaniel now, it’s almost laughable how different our lives are. Seeing my father on the news is like having a bucket of ice-cold reality dumped over my head. I was a fool to have come here. I need to leave. Because the longer you stay in a dream, the harder it is to wake up.
A calmness settles over me. My hands stop shaking. This is my life, the life that was dealt to me, but also the life that I choose. A car honks from outside—Nadine.
“Goodbye, Nathaniel,” I say, turning from him. Natalie hands me my coat in the foyer, then holds open the door. This time I know, when I walk out of this house, I’m not coming back.