Page 3 of ASAP

Thanks for texting that you got back to the hotel safely.I read Jenny’s response after stepping out from the shower, wrapped in a fluffy white robe.

I jump onto the bed and kick off my hotel slippers before texting back. We exchange a few more messages before she stops responding and I know she’s fallen asleep.

I wait for my body and mind to relax, but same as the last couple of nights, I remain stubbornly awake. Even though it’s well past midnight in New York City, my body seems to think it’s late afternoon in Seoul.

I pick up my phone again. Below the texts from Jenny is the message Secretary Park sent me about tomorrow’s flight, and below that is a message from Secretary Lee, my father’s secretary, scheduling an appointment to see my paternal grandmother at her home in two weeks’ time. I take a screenshot of the text and scroll to my last text exchange with my mother—over a month ago—and drop it into the message box. We used to always laugh together at some of the antics of the paternal side of my family—my aunt makes Jeon Sojin seem like an angel. As I hover over the Send icon, I hesitate.

Lately, the relationship between my mother and her in-laws has become more... tense. Maybe a message like this would only remind her that they’ve essentially cut her out of their lives. Regardless that it’s my father who’s the reason for my parents’ separation, his family will always blame my mother.

I delete the screenshot and, instead, text Secretary Lee that I’ll be there at the appointed time.

I throw my phone across the four-poster and press my face into the pillow. Maybe if I stay like this long enough, I’ll trick my mind into thinking I’ve fallen asleep. But it seems to have the opposite effect. In the darkness, all I see are memories from the last time I was in New York City. It wasn’t winter then but summer. Walking with sandals on the boardwalk, sugar on my fingers. Watching Nathaniel as he raced toward me with a bright, triumphant smile, a stuffed cow in his arms. Laughing with Jaewoo as we sat in a booth at a pizza parlor, Nathaniel and Jaewoo on one side, the stuffed cow and me on the other. And maybe it’s this last memory, but suddenly I’m off the bed and changing into sweats, stuffing my phone and wallet into my jacket.

A half hour later, a taxi drops me off outside Joe’s Pizzeria in Flushing, Queens.

I stare at the neon sign buzzing on the quiet street. Through the frosted glass windows, a middle-aged man frowns over a crossword puzzle. Joe, perhaps?

I enter the parlor, setting off the chime above the door. As I approach the counter, my heart starts to race, knowing I’ll have to order in English. While I’m fluent in Japanese and can speak a bit of French and Mandarin, English has always been difficult for me. I take out a crisp twenty-dollar bill, one of many Secretary Park had exchanged at the bank in Seoul for me before I’d left.

“One slice, please,” I say slowly, making sure to pronounce each sound correctly. Ls are particularly difficult.

Joe nods, taking the bill and giving me back the appropriate change. “You’re not from here?”

I wince. Was my accent that noticeable?

“Sorry.” He scratches his head. “That didn’t come out right. I know most of the kids in the area, especially the ones who turn up this late at night, and I haven’t seen you before.”

“I’m...” I struggle to find the words. “A visitor.”

“Oh yeah, family in town? There’s a big Korean population in this area.” He places a tall paper cup on the counter with a Pepsi logo printed onto the side. “It’s on the house.”

I take the cup and retreat to the soda machine. After filling it with diet Pepsi, I linger by the machine until Joe finishes warming the pizza up in the oven.

The grease is already soaking through the paper plate when I take it back to the booth. I dab the top with several napkins and then carefully pick it up.

A memory overlays the moment, Nathaniel and Jaewoo sitting across from me. Try it,Nathaniel says excitedly. I swear if Joe’s pizza won’t convince you that New York pizza is the best, then nothing will.

I take a bite now, as I did then. It tastes...

Fine, but not like the pizza in Korea, which is much fluffier, and the way I prefer pizza. There’s not even corn on it. Still, I finish the whole slice.

Outside, a car passes by on the street, throwing slush onto the sidewalk. A dog barks somewhere in the neighborhood. I should head back to the hotel. If my mother or Secretary Park, or Secretary Lee, for that matter, decide to check my location, I’ll have a lot of explaining to do. It’s just...

The summer I spent in New York was one of the happiest few weeks of my life, even if the reason why I was there wasn’t exactly positive. Coming here, I’d wanted to feel a sliver of those feelings again. Though, sitting alone in a cold pizza parlor on a winter night isn’t exactly exuding feelings of warmth.

The chime jingles as another customer enters the parlor.

“A slice of cheese for me, Joe,” a young woman says. Her voice is low, melodic. “Just one of these on the counter will do.”

I turn to sneak a peek at the new customer, but her back is to me. She’s dressed in a leather jacket, her hair cut in a stylish bob.

“Here you go, Naddy.” Joe slides an entire pizza box across the counter. “Take the whole pie home. Share it with your family.”

As the young woman takes out her wallet, I stand up to throw my trash away.

“Sori?”

I look up to find her staring at me, and I realize... I recognize her. She’s Nathaniel’s older sister. Nadine. “It is you,” she says, her smile widening. “What are you doing here?”

“I...” I’m so shocked, I blurt out the first thought that comes to mind. “I wanted pizza.”

She looks incredulous. “In Queens?” She shakes her head. “I meant, what are you doing in the States?”

What are the chances I’d run into someone I know—one of Nathaniel’s sisters, of all people? Then again, we are close to his parents’ house.

“I’m here for New York Fashion Week,” I hear myself answering her. “Not for the runway,” I clarify, blushing. “Dazed Korea invited me. It’s a magazine.”

“Sori, that’s incredible.” She reaches out a hand and pats me on the shoulder. “I’m proud of you.” I feel warmth spread across my cheeks.

“Where are you staying?” She switches to Korean.

I tell her the name of the hotel, which was booked by the magazine.

She frowns. “That’s in Midtown, isn’t it? Did you take a cab here?”

I nod, though I have a suspicion where her line of questioning is headed.

“You can’t go back by yourself this late,” she says. “You’ll sleep over and I’ll drive you to your hotel tomorrow morning.”

“You don’t have to do that,” I protest.

“Nope, there’s no arguing with me. I’m pulling the eonni card. I might not be the oldest of my sisters, but I am older than you. Come on.” She waves to Joe as she walks out the door, not waiting to see if I’ll follow.

When I step outside the pizza parlor, she grins at me before setting off at a brisk pace down the sidewalk. I hurry to catch up, zipping my coat up to my throat.

“Are you returning from somewhere?” I ask, my breaths coming out in gusts in the icy air.

“I was at a bar,” Nadine says over the crunch of her combat boots in the snow. “Good thing my mom’s not home or she’d freak out.”

At twenty-one, Nadine’s three years older than Nathaniel and me. Even when I was younger, I thought she was so grown-up. She wore all black and fought passionately with her mother and sisters, only to laugh with them minutes later, and she had a girlfriend who she brought over to play Mario Kart with us in the basement. I’d only spent a brief time with his family, but she—and the rest of his sisters—left a lasting impression on me.

As we come upon the house, I wonder how many of Nathaniel’s sisters are home. Their house is three stories, including the basement, and painted a smoky-green color. The unfinished driveway is packed with cars parked front to back all the way to the curb.

Nadine walks up the short steps to the porch, first opening the storm door, then jiggling a key into the front door lock. Shoving it open, she motions for me to go inside. I tiptoe around a front entrance covered with dozens of shoes tossed haphazardly onto the floor. The urge to line them all up in neat rows is overwhelming. My own boots I place side by side, against the wall.

A lamp glows in the next room, illuminating a cozy space with a television and sectional sofa. A grandfather clock with Roman numerals sits in the foyer, and I’m shocked to see it’s almost two o’clock in the morning.

“Not there,” Nadine whispers when I move toward the living area, hopping on one foot as she unzips her second boot. “You can sleep in Nathaniel’s room.”

I gape. “No, I—”

“It’s okay.” She waves off my concern. “He’s not here. He’s been sleeping in the suite the company booked for the tour.”

I know that, but it’s still awkward to sleep in my ex-boyfriend’s childhood bed. But like before, Nadine refuses to brook any argument, practically shoving me up the stairs and into the first room on the left.

“The sheets should be clean,” she says, flipping on a light switch. “There are spare toothbrushes in the bathroom, and towels are in the closet in the hall.”

I must look lost, standing in the middle of the room, because her expression softens. “It’s good to see you again, Sori. Nathaniel told us about the breakup. We were disappointed, of course, but we understand you both came to that decision together.” Stepping back from the door, she yawns. “Anyway, I’ll drive you back to the hotel first thing in the morning. Does eight sound okay?”

“Yes,” I say. That should give me enough time to pack the rest of my belongings in time to meet the driver for the limousine service. “Thanks...” I hesitate. “Eonni.”

She smiles. “Night, Sori.”

I hear her walk farther down the hall, then the click of a door as it closes.

I’m alone. In Nathaniel’s room.

On a bookshelf lined with baseball trophies and albums, a Pikachu alarm clock ticks the seconds. His books are all in English. I pick up a framed photograph of Nathaniel, Jaewoo, Sun, and Youngmin, Jaewoo’s arms thrown across Nathaniel’s shoulder on one side, Sun’s and Youngmin’s on the other. This must have been taken a few years back, before they debuted.

Putting the photograph down, I make my way across the hall to the small bathroom. After brushing my teeth for the second time tonight, I go to the bed, lift back the sheets, and climb inside.

But just like in the hotel, I can’t seem to fall asleep.Rising again, a little worried now that I won’t be able to sleep tonight at all, I open Nathaniel’s closet. I’m full-on snooping, but I need—

On a shelf, eye-level with me, is a stuffed bear. With black buttons for eyes and a bowtie. I grab the bear from the shelf and crawl into bed. Immediately the calmness that I’d been seeking all night settles over me. The bear’s soft head fits perfectly beneath my chin. It smells clean, like detergent.

I’m drifting into sleep, a wonderful fog filling my mind. As if in a dream, I hear a distant squeal as the front door opens, then the creak of the stairs followed by footsteps in the hall. The light switches on, glaring across the room. I squint my eyes against the sudden brightness.

“Sori?” Nathaniel gapes from where he stands in the doorway. “What are you doing in my bed?”