Page 19 of ASAP
I’m still thinking about my mom and Hyemi the next day as I head over to the gym for a morning workout. I’ll make good on my promise to ensure Hyemi is ready in time to debut, but there must be more that I can do. I could intercede with my father about the shares. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it before. He won’t relinquish them freely, but maybe, like with my mother, I could strike a deal with him.
I change into workout clothes, zipping up a hoodie over my sports bra and leggings, and head over to the gym at the back of the house. Ajumma is already there when I arrive, seated on the stationary bike while watching a weekend drama.
That reminds me. The first two episodes of Sun’s drama premiered over the weekend. I still need to watch them. The drama debuted with high ratings, with netizens praising the drama’s writing and Sun’s acting.
Arranging my yoga mat in front of the wall-length mirror, I go through my usual routine of stretches, lifting my arms above my head and extending my legs. The door to the gym opens and Nathaniel enters, dressed in joggers and a loose, sleeveless muscle shirt. He takes up position where the free weights are located, which, when I look at the mirror, are in my direct line of sight.
I try not to stare, but it’s impossible. His body is a work of art; he has broad, straight shoulders and lean muscles. While I go through my floor exercises—sit-ups, planks, and lunges—he jumps rope, lifts weights, and hauls himself up off the floor in pull-ups. I’m flushed and sweaty by the time I’m finished with my floor workout. Grabbing a towel and my water bottle, I head over to the treadmill, grateful that it faces the window and not the mirror.
Putting in my earbuds, I position my phone on the stand to watch the first episode of Sun’s drama. The adaptation sticks close to the original web novel, which is praised for its zaniness and romance, and I’m so engrossed that the forty-five minutes flies by.
As I’m cooling down, I take out my earbuds and place them into their case.
“Were you watching Sun’s drama?” Nathaniel’s voice comes from so close that I startle and miss my footing on the belt.
He catches me, one hand circling my wrist, the other sliding beneath my back.
He reaches out to press the Stop button, and the track stills beneath me.
The room continues to spin, and I blink rapidly to regain my equilibrium.
His arm is steady beneath me, secure. “Are you okay?” he asks. He’s close enough that I can see the sweat trickling down the side of his face. I vaguely recall that he’d been on the second treadmill, beside Ajumma’s stationary bike, though she’s no longer there.
“Yes,” I say, breathless.
I’m exceedingly aware of how little clothing I’m wearing, having taken off my zipper hoodie to run on the treadmill. The rough texture of his lifting gloves raises goosebumps on my skin. I’m breathing heavily, chest moving up and down, and I don’t know whether it’s because of running on the treadmill or his close proximity, probably both. His eyes drop, only to slowly lift to mine once more. His hands tighten infinitesimally, his eyes somehow darker than before.
He’s going to kiss me. This is bad. I mean, I want him to kiss me. But he shouldn’t. We’re friends. We can’tbe more than that. Not just because of the promise I made to my mother, but for reasons he wouldn’t understand.
If we kiss, I can’t, in good conscience, let him stay. He’ll have to leave. I feel a little desperate at the thought. It’s too soon. I haven’t been as happy in months as I have with him in the past few days.
“Wow, Sori,” Nathaniel says, and though he’s trying for levity, his voice is a little unsteady. “I didn’t know you were falling for me.”
I smile, my heart bursting with... something. Gratitude? “You can’t help yourself, can you?”
He places me on my feet. Grabbing my water bottle, he uncaps it and hands it to me.
I take a long drink, letting the cool water flush through my heated system. This is fine. This will work. As long as we both lighten the mood, as long as we don’t cross the line into more, then there’s no reason to end our arrangement anytime soon.
After breakfast, Nathaniel walks me to the bus stop. He’s on his way to KS, while I have plans to meet Secretary Park at Hyemi’s apartment, as she’s moving into the dorm today. The other members moved in last week, but Hyemi was still waiting for the rest of her luggage to arrive from Canada.
“Our episode of Catch Me If You Can airs tonight,” Nathaniel says. Behind him, the bus rumbles toward the stop.
Though we filmed the episode a few days ago, it feels like a lifetime has passed—so much has happened since then.
“Should we watch it together later tonight?” I ask. A warm feeling stirs in my chest. I never was eager to come home before.
Nathaniel nods. “Should I invite Nadine?”
“Yes, I’d love that.” As the only person who knows he’s staying at my house, she’s the perfect guest to invite. “I’ll pick up pizza on the way home,” I tell him, as I step onto the bus.
On the ride to Hyemi’s apartment complex, I scroll through restaurants on Naver, starring a few of my favorites. When I arrive, Secretary Park is already there, helping Hyemi with her luggage.
“Are you excited to move into your dorms?” I ask Hyemi once we’ve finished loading her three suitcases into the trunk of the van. The dorm is located near Joah’s new building, about a thirty-minute drive in Seoul traffic.
When Hyemi doesn’t immediately answer, I look over to see that her face is turned toward the window.
“I hope I get along with everyone,” she says quietly.
My heart softens. She must be nervous. This is her first time living away from her parents.
“Even though we’re moving you into the dorms,” I reassure her, “you’ll still stay at your apartment tonight.” This was a special request from Hyemi’s father, who wanted to spend time with his youngest before she was completely immersed in her hectic debut schedule.
She nods, though her gaze remains out the window.
We arrive at the apartment building, each of us rolling one of Hyemi’s suitcases into the elevator, and press the button for the fifth floor. As we approach the door to the apartment, the sounds of shouting come from within. Secretary Park and I exchange glances. She keys in the code, opening the door to...
Chaos.
It’s as if the clothing and accessories floors of a department store exploded over the room, with haphazard piles of clothing covering most pieces of furniture, plus multiple standing racks packed with jackets, dresses, skirts, and hoodies. Not to mention the massive amounts of shoes crammed into shoe organizers at the entrance. This could have been my living situation. I shudder at the thought.
The ASAP members all stand and bow as we enter, but once Secretary Park acknowledges them, they resume their individual activities. The shouting is from the girls playing a video game on a large television set. One member, dressed in a bathrobe with bunny ears, is playing some sort of tennis game with another member who’s in oversized pajamas, both of them swinging their arms recklessly through the air. They almost step on another member who’s painting her toenails at their feet. Her scream startles Secretary Park. The second youngest member—Jiyoo—is sitting cocooned on the couch between two clothing piles, crocheting what looks like a carrot with a face.
It’s not dirty, just very cluttered. But maybe I shouldn’t speak too soon. I haven’t seen the bathroom.
Sun Ye walks out of the leftmost room, and Hyemi yelps. An LED mask covers her entire face, giving her the appearance of a pink Iron Man.
“Oh, Hyemi-yah, you’re here,” she says. She doesn’t take off the mask. “The biggest room is a triple,” she says, pointing to the room across from the kitchen. “But you’re in the double with Jiyoo. Come, I’ll show you.” She heads to the room next to hers and across from the bathroom.
“I’m going... to...” Secretary Park edges toward the kitchen. Is that sweat on her brow? “Do... the dishes.”
Hyemi and I manage to follow Sun Ye around the fire hazards and into the room.
“I’m sorry all of my stuff is everywhere,” Jiyoo says, having followed us inside. She starts to move her clothing off Hyemi’s bed, throwing them onto her unmade one. “If there’s anything you need to move, feel free to toss it here.”
The room is small, but rather spacious for two people. In between the beds are two desks, side-by-side, facing a window that allows in natural light. Hyemi and Jiyoo are still in school, which is probably why they’ve been accorded a bit more space.
“If you ever need some peace or quiet, please come into my room,” Sun Ye says. She has the only single.
Once Sun Ye leaves to finish up her skincare routine, Hyemi and I start to unpack her belongings.
“Do you need help?” Jiyoo asks, hovering over us.
“Thank you, Jiyoo-yah,” I say, handing her Hyemi’s toiletry bag. “Can you put this in the bathroom?”
Jiyoo, looking like I’ve given her a live grenade, nods bravely, heading off to the bathroom in search of an available space. I figured Hyemi might be too shy to ask the older members to move their stuff around, but Jiyoo, who’s been the maknae of the four girls from Dream for a while now, will feel more comfortable making room for Hyemi.
We manage to unpack two of her suitcases in a little over an hour, shoving her third—filled with her fall and winter clothes—beneath her bed, as well as organizing her side of the room.
“You’re lucky, Hyemi-yah,” Jiyoo says. “My family is in Gyeongju, so I had to move in by myself. You must be happy to have Sori-seonbae helping you.” I study Jiyoo’s face, but she doesn’t appear jealous so much as wistful.
“I’m very grateful,” Hyemi says softly.
In the time we’ve been unpacking, Secretary Park has cleaned the kitchen and cooked a meal of spicy cold noodles with kimchi. Unearthing a low wooden table, she lays out the meal with the help of the other members who’ve put away their video game and even folded some of the laundry and vacuumed. We gather in the living room, enjoying our meal while seated on the floor around the table. The members chatter away about the music video shoot, about their costumes, and what jobs each member was chosen to portray. I notice Hyemi doesn’t interact as much with the others, picking at her bowl of noodles.
She’d been so excited to join ASAP that I wonder if something happened. Sun Ye had assured me that none of the girls were giving her a hard time, but maybe, as the oldest, she missed some of the dynamics between the younger members.
I broach the subject once we’re in the van headed back to her father’s apartment. “Hyemi, is something the matter? I noticed you were quiet with the other girls.”
At first, I don’t think she’ll respond, her shoulders hunched forward, but then she says in a quiet voice, “I don’t know why I feel this way. Everyone is so nice. It’s just that... they’ve been together for so much longer. They have inside jokes, and they’re comfortable with one another, teasing and laughing. I feel like I’m an intruder, like I don’t belong, like I’m too late.”
Her words strike a chord with me. That’s how I felt, back in high school, like everyone had already formed their group of friends, and if there was ever a chance to join one, I’d missed it.
“I’ve felt the same way,” I tell her. “For most of middle school and high school, I didn’t have anyfriends. I used to blame it on my classmates. I don’t think I was wrong to believe that some of them were only friends with me because of who my parents were. But after a while, I pushed everyone away, even people who could have been genuine friends. I gained a reputation as someone stuck up, who thought she was better than everyone else.” For a long time, I thought that was fine because it protected me from disappointment and hurt, but all it did was emphasize how alone I was.
“It wasn’t until I got a new roommate that my high school life changed. Eventually we became best friends, but we started off as enemies. She accidentally read one of my private letters and I mistakenly believed she’d done it on purpose.”
Hyemi appropriately gasps. The letter had been a postcard that Nathaniel had sent me when we were dating. He’d ended it with, Chin up, Songbird.You will always have my heart. XOXO. He’d mailed it to me when he was in Los Angeles, after I’d called him in tears over an incident that happened at school—one of my classmates had filled my locker with soap bubbles.
“But then Jenny kept reaching out to me in both subtle and sometimes over-the-top ways. If it wasn’t for her trying, again and again, we might not have become friends. Now, I couldn’t imagine my life without her.”
The back of my eyes heat a little with the realization that Jenny never giving up on me is the reason we’re friends, and the reason I’m friends with Angela and Gi Taek too.
This conversation with Hyemi is a reminder that I need to reach out to Jenny, just as she reached out to me countless times before.
“Try not to put up your walls too high.” I give the advice I would give myself from two years ago. “Thinking that others won’t accept you. You have to give them chances, multiples ones, and keep trying yourself. Otherwise you might miss out on forming true friendships.”
Hyemi nods. “I will, Seonbae. And... thank you. For sharing with me. It’s comforting to know that even if I’m not as close to the other members now, there’s a chance that I will be in the future.”
As we draw near to Hyemi’s neighborhood, her cell phone pings. She glances down to read her message, her mouth forming a frown. “My father can’t make it tonight,” she says. Disappointment colors her voice.
“Should we turn back to the dorm?” I ask. “Or...” A sudden thought pops into my mind.
“Do you want to come to my house? I was planning to watch the episode of Catch Me If You Can with some friends.”
Hyemi’s whole face lights up. “Seonbae, I would love that!”