Page 55 of Another Love, Another Time

“I couldn’t believe what she was asking me to do.

I walked out on her. How could she ask me to do anything like that?

But as I sat in my driveway that night, I started to justify what she was asking me.

I started to reason with myself. I would just rough you up a little.

I wouldn't hurt you too badly. I didn’t know you personally, only from seeing you with Auggie a couple of times.

” This whole time, he has been looking down at the table, fiddling with his straw paper wrap.

“I know it sounds crazy,” he goes on. “Even now, sitting here, talking to you, I can’t believe I was able to justify it.

I’d like to tell you I held out until the next day, but it took me about thirty minutes before I called her and told her I would do it.

I’m really sorry.” He looks up at me. “This is hard to talk about, and I know it has to be hard to hear.”

He’s right; it is hard to hear. Even now, I can’t believe she would do this, but I don’t think he’s lying. I feel that in my gut. But what he’s saying is still not adding up. He tried to rape me.

“So, if she only asked you to attack me, why did you try to rape me?”

He flinches as he looks at me, and I can see the shame in his eyes. “After I agreed to attack you, I thought she would go back to giving me more pills, but she didn’t. She told me she would get me more after prom. Once she knew I’d done what I said, I would get them.

“I tried to find them elsewhere, but I didn’t know who to reach out to.

A few days before prom, I went to her again, begging her for one pill to get me through.

She told me she would give me one, but I had to do something else for her.

I told her I would do anything. I should have known after her last request not to agree before I knew what she was going to ask.

That’s when she asked me to force myself on you.

She told me you would like it, that Auggie and you liked to roleplay and fight, that it was like foreplay between you guys.

“I immediately told her ‘no.’ Roughing you up was one thing, but violating you was another, even if she said you’d like it.

I just didn’t think I could do that. I started to walk out of the room when she stopped me.

She told me that if I refused to force myself on you, that she would show my parents and the college I was going to go to proof that I was on drugs.

She threatened to ruin my football career.

She said she would give me until the end of the next day to decide. ”

He’s looking right at me now. This is hard to hear. The lengths that she went to hurt me make me sick.

“I thought about it all night and through the next day,” he says.

“I couldn’t focus on school. I couldn’t believe how far I had fallen.

I was going to tell her ‘no,’ but when I got home, there was an envelope on my porch.

My parents usually got home before I did because I had practice, but practice was cancelled in preparation for prom.

“The envelope was addressed to my parents, but it had no return address. In my gut, I knew it was from Melissa. I opened it up and found a USB drive. I pulled it out of the envelope and ran up to my room. I opened my laptop, stuck the drive in, and pulled up the single file, a video.

“I hit ‘play’ and immediately felt sick when I saw it was a video of me taking the pills and talking about how the pills made me feel. You could not see Melissa anywhere in the video. I freaked out. She was going to give this to my parents. This would have killed them. I knew then that if I refused to do what she asked, she would ruin my life.”

He stops and meets my gaze. “This is not me justifying what I did. I’m just trying to help you understand where my head was.

It should not have mattered what she threatened.

I should not have touched you. I should have just taken the consequences of my actions.

” I nod, and he continues. “In my head, I thought I had worked way too hard for everything I had. I wasn’t going to let her ruin it.

“I immediately left to go to her house. She had clearly outsmarted me. That couldn’t have been the only video she took of me.

I didn’t even remember her taking the video.

I wasn’t sure what other crap she had on me, but I knew I had to get something on her too.

Yes, I had text messages from her, but there was nothing about her asking me to attack you.

“I decided I would record our conversation.

When I pulled up to the house, I turned on my video and put my phone in my pocket.

I knocked on her door, she let me in, and we went up to her room.

I told her I would agree to attack you and force myself on you, but she had to give me all the videos she had of me and delete all the messages.

“She agreed to everything I asked, saying she would no longer need them once I had done what I had agreed to do. She then went over the details of what would happen. She explained she would wait until Auggie and you left the ballroom. She would get Auggie by himself, leaving you alone. That’s when I was supposed to attack you.

“After we went over the details, she handed me a couple of pills. I could hardly stomach looking at them, but I grabbed them anyway. I knew I would probably need them to get through prom night. I left and got back in the car. It wasn’t until I was back in my room that I listened to the video.

You could hear most of what we were saying, and I knew I had to save it just in case. I still have it if you would like it.”

“Yes,” I respond. “I would like to have that and any other proof that she was involved.”

He nods in agreement. “Just give me your email address or however you would like it sent, and I’ll send you what I have.

” He pauses before he finishes his story.

“The next day, I was a mess. As you know, Melissa was my date to prom.

I didn't plan on taking the pills, but I was so worked up, I took all three of them. Then, the guys wanted to drink, and those two didn’t mesh well.

“I’m not sure if anyone noticed, but I was messed up.

When Melissa gave me the signal, I almost threw up, but I followed her anyway.

And I know this next part is going to sound like a copout, but I don’t remember anything from the time you turned around and recognized me until I got in my car.

I had blacked out. I almost ended up ra—forcing myself on you.

“I broke down in my car. I couldn’t believe how my life had turned out, what I was willing to do for drugs.

I thought about just turning myself in, but I was too much of a coward to do that.

I figured you would say something since you knew who I was.

So, I just waited and waited, and when no one came to find me, I found a hotel for the night.

My parents didn’t expect to see me at home that night, thinking I was going to be with my date.

“When I sobered up, I thought about how I got there.

I knew I needed to tell my parents about my drug problem.

I made the decision right there not to touch drugs anymore.

I knew I needed help. The next morning, after I had cleaned myself up, I went home and explained to my parents that I needed help.

“They wondered what had happened to my face. I didn’t tell them about you.

I just told them it had to do with the drugs.

They immediately pulled me out of school.

I got my diploma early, and they put me in a rehab center until training camp started at my college at the end of summer.

I’ve spent every day looking over my shoulder while also trying to be a better person.

While at rehab, I spoke with the therapist at the facility.

We discussed everything that happened. I still talk to her at least once a week, and we manage my addiction and my stress levels. ”

“I followed you this morning,” I blurt out.

“I know. Chip told me.” He looks down at his hands.

“So, is volunteering a way you try to be a better person?”

“At first, no. I just knew I needed to do something. Like I said, I was a coward. I’m still a coward, but I just wanted to understand a little bit about what you might be going through.

I wanted to do something that could help someone else.

The kids like me, and they help me too.” The waitress interrupts and brings out our food.

I’m not really hungry, but I pick at my food.

He clears his throat. “Again, I’m not sure what you want. I think you wanted to know what happened, and you wanted answers. What do you want to happen next? Do you want me to turn myself in?”

My mind is still reeling from everything he’s just told me.

I should want him in jail, especially after what he did to me, what he almost did to me.

Is he a bad person, or did he do a bad thing?

If I thought he was a bad person, I would definitely turn him in, but I think he just did a bad thing.

He seems like he’s remorseful, and he’s turned his life around.

I look up at him. “Right now, no. But I will be watching you. This is not me blackmailing you. This is me saying I’m giving you a chance, and if I see you fuck it up, I will make sure they get you this time. Do you understand?”

He swallows. “Yes, I understand.” He pauses, and I know whatever he’s about to say is hard for him. “I know this might be a lot to ask, but I’m going to ask it anyway.” I nod for him to go on. “Is there any way that you would ever be able to forgive me?”

I can’t believe he’s even asking. He was manipulated into doing what he did. Again, I know he is the one who attacked me, but I truly believe he would never have done it otherwise.