Page 32 of Another Love, Another Time

Auggie

I feel like I’ve been shot in the heart.

I try to recover quickly so she doesn’t see what it does to me.

For the first time in five years, my heart started beating again.

Seeing River revived me. I’ve only seen her twice in the last five years.

I’ve overheard our moms talk about her and how well she is doing, but never once did they say anything about her being married.

I tried not to ask about River a lot over the years. Mostly, I got my information from eavesdropping. Occasionally, I asked how she was doing. I knew she was living with her mom until she could find her own place.

River averts her gaze.

Hearing that she’s married shattered my heart again. I guess I don’t have any room to talk. Mackey is right; her being my partner will cause issues, but I’ll be damned if I put in a request to change partners.

I feel like I’m being rewarded for all the space I’ve given her.

We’re partners. I still can’t believe it.

I shake my head and laugh at the irony of it.

If she wants to keep it professional, that’s fine.

She could never stay mad at me, so I’ll take this chance to get back in her good graces.

My life hasn’t been the same since she cut me out of hers.

“Okay, we’ll keep it professional for now, but eventually, we have to talk about what happened.”

“I know we do, but I need this job, and I need some time to focus on that before we handle… us. Please just treat me like you would anyone else who started today.”

“I can do that. Let’s start by going over your background, and then we will move to the cases that are currently assigned to us, where we are, and what else we need to do. Maybe you’ll have some ideas that we haven’t thought about.”

I guide her to our desks by placing my hand on her lower back. She stills at first but quickly recovers. I show her where she will be sitting and what her logins are. I get her logged into everything to make sure she has access and help her start changing her passwords.

I return to my desk, which directly faces hers since we are partners. It helps when we need to bounce things off one another. I sit down and notice the framed picture that’s standing on my desk. I quickly grab it and throw it into my filing cabinet.

“You don’t have to do that,” I hear her say while she’s still looking at her computer.

“Do what?” I question.

“Hide whatever is in that picture. I already know you have a girlfriend. Mackey already warned me that we may not be partners that long since your girlfriend is jealous.” I still. Why the hell would Mackey tell her I have a girlfriend? I roll my eyes, trying to play it off.

“I’m not trying to hide anything. I just need to rearrange my desk so it’s easier for us to talk. Since you are left-handed, it would be easier to talk to you if my computer is positioned this way.”

“Yeah, okay.” She’s letting me off the hook.

“Let me know when you finish changing your passwords. I’m going to finish moving everything on my desk, and then we can start going over all the cases. And River,” I wait until she looks up at me, “don’t think you’re getting rid of me that easily.”

~~

When I woke up today, I did not expect to have River back in my life.

The rest of the day was uneventful. Still, I can tell she will be good at this job.

Growing up, if you had asked either one of us if we would be detectives, we probably would have laughed in your face.

We haven’t spoken in five years. How we ended up in the same place is serendipitous.

I don’t think River’s mom knew what she did in the Army, that she went in as a criminal investigator. I’m not sure how she could have kept that from her mom. I guess I could say the same thing about her mom, knowing she is married. Surely they wouldn’t keep something like that from me.

River has already left for the day; I am just finishing up a few things.

I was going to schedule a few follow-ups for tomorrow on cases that we worked on today.

She had some great ideas on leads we could look into after going through the case files.

Sometimes, it’s nice to get fresh eyes on something.

We will be in the car most of the day tomorrow, which will give us time to talk more.

My phone starts ringing. I see who is calling, and I let it go to voicemail. In reality, I don’t want to talk right now. I send her another text that I may be a while, that I’m going to have a few beers with the guys.

Mackey walks past my desk, and I ask him if he’d like to grab a beer.

He says he’ll meet me at my regular spot.

I take a few more minutes to close everything up, grab my keys, and head out to meet him.

We went to school together, but he was a couple of years older than I. I know he’ll always have my back.

~~

I walk into the bar and look around until I find Mackey back by the pool tables. He’s already talking to some people. He holds up a beer, showing me he already got one for me, so I start heading in his direction.

“Thanks, man,” I say as I accept the bottle.

“You look like you need it,” he says, laughing at me.

“You could say that.”

“So, who’s the girl to you? I don’t remember her going to our school. Believe me, I would have remembered someone who looked like that. And the way she about knocked you on your ass? She means something to you.”

“She’s off limits,” I growl at him.

“Yeah, but do you know she’s off limits? Your ‘old lady,’” he puts his hands up to show the quotation marks, “is going to throw a fit. We don’t need any more drama in our department.”

“Shut it. It’s none of her business. It’s my job.”

“You didn’t answer my first question. Who is River to you?”

I sigh and then start, “Our moms are best friends. She didn’t live here, growing up. She lived in southwest Missouri, but our families were close. We spent vacations together, holidays, birthdays. You name it; we did it together.”

“So, what happened? You look like you saw a ghost. How did you not know who would be your partner?”

“Well, she was listed under ‘Baxter.’ I guess she got married.”

His eyes bug out a little. “How did you not know that she was married if your families are so close?”

“I don’t know. The thing is, I don’t think her mom knows either, or I’m sure I would have heard about it. It’s hard for them to keep secrets.”

“So, your families don’t know she’s married?”

“I don’t think so. They would have told me.”

“So, I’ll ask again: who is she to you?”

“She’s my best friend. Or she was. I was so in love with her. I’m still in love with her.”

“What? If you love her, then what the hell are you doing with that psycho you’re with?”

I narrow my eyes at him, but then I go on, “Do you remember the girl who was attacked at prom my senior year?”

“Yeah.”

I look down at my beer and start to peel the label off. Would River be okay with him knowing? If he really wanted to, he could look up the file, so I decide I’ll tell him. Mackey is not a gossip.

“That was River. She was my date, and… I got distracted. That’s when she was attacked.

After that, she cut me out of her life, not giving me a chance to explain.

” I correct myself, “Well, she did give me a chance to explain, but I lied to her, not wanting to hurt her. She wouldn’t see me after that.

I tried to call her hundreds of times. After graduation, she left and joined the Army. I have only seen her once since then.”

“Man, that’s fucked up,” he responds.

“I know, and that’s not even the worst. Or, maybe not the worst, but what was topping the cake was that on graduation day, I was unpacking my bag from prom.

Her clutch from that night fell out. She had asked me to hold on to it, and inside was her phone and a letter addressed to me. ” I’m still looking down at my beer.

“What did the letter say?”

I ignore him. “The thing with River is, I always knew she loved me, and I always knew that I loved her, but she was insistent that we meet and date other people. That way, when we finally decided we wanted to be together, there would be no question that she was who I wanted to be with. I did what she wanted me to do. I dated other people, but no one could ever compare to her.”

“What was in the letter?” he asks like he already knows.

I laugh, but there is no humor in it. “She said she finally wanted to be with me, that she was ready. You see, we planned to attend the same college, and she wanted to start there as a couple.” I shake my head.

“Fuck that. That sucks. So, what had you distracted? Why were you not there?”

I look at him. “The one person she would never forgive me for getting with.”

“Who’s that?”

“Her cousin.”

He winces as if in pain. “Man, that sucks. Well, maybe you all can build your friendship here. Maybe this is a good thing. You can both talk through your shit. I don’t know how that girl of yours will handle this, though. You know what she did to your last partner.”

“River doesn’t take shit from anyone. I’m not worried about her.”

“Maybe River isn’t as tough as you think she is.”

“You don’t know her like I do. I’ve only seen her cry a handful of times, and we were best friends for eighteen years.”

“Well, you know her.” He doesn’t say anything for a minute, and then he asks his next question, “So, did they ever find out who attacked her?”

“No the police messed up the DNA collection, so they were never able to find anyone through DNA. I guess River didn’t give a good enough description to narrow down the suspects. Nobody was ever picked up for it, and the case went cold.”

“You haven’t seen her since she left for the Army?” he asks.

“Just once, but she avoided me the whole day.” I shake my head, not wanting to remember that day. He senses I don’t want to talk about it either.

“So why is she back?”

“I’m not sure. I’m guessing her mom needs her, and I guess River’s contract was up with the Army. I bet she decided to move here to be closer to her mom so she could help with anything she needed.”

“Is her husband here with her?”

I’m tired of him asking questions I don’t know the answers to. “I don’t think so. We didn’t get to talk a whole lot, but she didn’t bring him up.”

He shrugs. “That doesn’t mean anything.”

“If he were here with her, I think our moms would have said something.”

Mackey’s quiet for a minute. “What do you want out of this?”

I cock my head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, what do you want out of this?”

“She’s married, so I guess just friendship.”

“Do you still love her? If you could have a romantic relationship, would you?”

“Yes,” I say without hesitation. I don’t have to think about it. I’ve always wanted River.

“Then what the hell are you doing with your psycho girlfriend?”

“To be honest, it was just easier to go with it. I really didn’t have the energy to fight her anymore, so I decided to go with it. River wasn’t here, so why not? A guy has needs. Am I right?”

He shakes his head and lifts his bottle to his lips. “Did you ever think she was testing you?”

“Who? River? Testing me for what?”

“You said she wanted you to see other people to make sure she was who you wanted to be with.”

“Yeah, I did that. I dated other people, and none of them lasted long. I always compared them to her.”

“Man, you can’t be that dense.” He sets his bottle down so roughly that some splashes out of the top. “Girls are not like guys. Guys are direct about what they want. Girls need you to figure it out on your own.”

“What are you trying to say? I’m so confused.” I take another drink of my beer.

“She didn’t really want you to go date other people.”

I just blink at him in confusion. “Yes, she did. She told me to.”

“No, she wanted you to choose her. She gave you the option, and you chose other people. She needed to know that she was your first choice.” He keeps going, “How many people did she date?” He briefly pauses, then continues, “It probably was less than a handful. If I had to bet, it was only one.”

I think back to all the people she dated, and he’s right; she only dated the one. He must sense he’s right. “And,” he holds up his finger, “I bet it was after you did something to either hurt her or to piss her off.”

I think back again, and he’s right. All along, she wanted me to choose her. She showed me that she chose me each time. Right now, I want to go back and kick my younger self in the face.

“It’s too late now,” I mutter. “She’s married. Right now, all I want is my best friend back.”

“She still loves you.”

“How can you tell?”

“I just can. Did you see the way she looked at you?” He shrugs like that comment doesn’t light a spark of hope.

“If she did, why’d she marry another man?”

“Did you ask her?”

“Not yet. She said we’d talk later. I think we’re going to have a lot to talk about.”

“Well, you won’t know if you don’t ask.” He sets his empty beer bottle down. “I’m heading home. I have an early morning.” He rises and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Good luck, my friend.”

“I’ll need all the luck I can get,” I think.