Page 30 of Another Love, Another Time

I exit the airplane with the only items I own stuffed into a backpack and a carry-on.

It feels different walking off the plane as a civilian. I’ll miss the Army, but like my mom always said, I feel like I got more out of the Army than the Army got out of me. It helped when my life needed to be completely broken down and rebuilt.

While going through basic training, I didn’t have time to think about what had happened to me.

I worked long days, spending physical and mental energy, and regularly woke up at the crack of dawn.

By the time I dropped into bed, I didn’t have time to think about anything.

I didn’t want to waste a minute of time for sleep; you never knew when the drill sergeants would be in to wake you up to fuck with you.

In the Army, I grew not only physically but also mentally. There were times I didn’t know if I would make it through the training exercise. I learned to sleep anywhere from a concrete floor to standing up. A story for another time.

I met a lot of great people; I also met a lot of dumb people. We won’t talk about them. After I got to my first duty station, everything was fine, and we all got into a routine. I’ll miss it and certain people.

Speaking of the devil, I hear my phone ping and pull it out.

Baxter: Did you make it?

River: Yeah I just landed

Baxter: Is your mom still picking you up?

River: Yes I texted her when I landed and she said she was pulling up. I’ll give you a call when I get settled tonight.

Baxter: (thumbs up emoji)

I find my mom and Aunt Connie waiting in baggage claims, and she wraps me up in a big hug. When Mom releases me, I’m immediately in Aunt Connie’s arms. “Missed you, girlie,” Aunt Connie says.

“Missed you too,” I respond, fighting back tears. It’s been five years since I stepped foot in this state. I pull back. “Are you ready?” I just want to get out of here and settle in somewhere.

They look at each other. My mom asks, “Do you have anything else?”

“No. Everything I own is on my back and right here.” I nod to my carry-on.

“Okay,” my mom says. “Uncle Eddie is holding our parking spot.”

“I didn’t know you were going to bring everybody,” I chastise.

“They wanted to come; they haven’t seen you in a while,” she responds sheepishly.

“I can’t wait to have the family back together,” Aunt Connie pipes up.

I sigh. “I’m not ready to see everyone. I’ll take a rain check.”

Aunt Connie squeezes my shoulder. “Just let me know when you feel up to it, especially when you get everything situated.”

We walk out to the pick-up and drop-off area where Uncle Eddie is talking to a security guard. He glances around. When he spots us, his eyes light up, and he starts waving with a big, goofy grin.

I feel a tinge of sadness. I miss my dad, and at one time, the guy I’m smiling back at was like a second dad to me.

That all changed the night of prom. Aunt Connie and Uncle Eddie tried to continue being in my life, coming to visit with my mom whenever I was in the States.

I just needed to get away from everything and everyone.

Uncle Eddie rounds the back of the vehicle and grabs my carry-on. He tries to grab my backpack, and I tighten my grip out of habit.

“This one stays with me,” I blurt.

He steps back with his hands up and grins. “Okay, then, River girl.” Before I can go anywhere, I’m bundled up in a hug and then released just as quickly. “Let’s hop in before we get a ticket.”

I follow him to the driver’s side. He opens my door for me while I slide into the backseat. Aunt Connie and my mom buckle in, and then we drive to the place I’ll be calling home.

~~

I feel the car come to a stop and hear my mom’s voice announce softly, “Honey, we’re home. I have your room set up. Eddie’s going to grab your bag and take it to your room.”

I stretch my limbs and realize that I’ve been drooling. Great. I must have fallen asleep.

They all wanted to ask me questions. I used the excuse of jet lag and went to sleep.

I knew he would come up in conversation, and I was not ready for that.

I know they only did it because they care, but I’m not ready to discuss him or why I have chosen not to be in contact with him in the last five years.

I’ve seen him twice in the last five years. The first time, I wasn’t ready. The second time, I was devastated. I have avoided him at all costs after that.

I shake my head to clear the fog and get out of the vehicle. It’s early summer, so it’s nice out. I’m still worn out. I wasn’t lying earlier when I told them I was jetlagged. Thank goodness I flew in sweatpants.

I walk like a sloth into the unfamiliar house with my backpack. “Hey, honey, you want something to drink?” my mom asks.

I shake my head and turn to Aunt Connie and Uncle Eddie. “Thanks, guys, for coming with Mom to pick me up. I really appreciate it. I’m sorry to flake out on you early, but I’m really tired. I think I’m going to unpack my stuff, take a shower, and go to bed.”

Aunt Connie flings her arms open wide and brings me in for a hug. “It’s our pleasure. We’re just glad you’re home and safe, honey.” She pulls back and looks me straight in the eyes. “No more running. We missed you. Do you understand?

“I do. I missed you all, too.” I look down at the ground and then back up at her. “No more running. That’s why I’m here.”

She nods. “Okay. Go settle in. Get some sleep. We’ll see you sometime this week. Love you.”

“Love you too.” Uncle Eddie exits the bedroom, and I head back there. I’m running through all the things I need to unpack.

When I see the bed, I quickly change my mind. I close the door, place my bag on the floor next to the bed, turn off the light, and flop down on the mattress. I pull out my phone and text the two people I still talk to.

River: Hey Bax, just made it to my bed. Getting some shuteye. Turning my phone off now.

River: Hey Logan, just made it to Hannibal. Getting some shuteye. Call you in the morning.

~~

Day one of being back was a success in my book. I slept a solid ten hours the first night. When I woke up, my mom was already cooking breakfast. I ate and then went back to settling into my room.

Now, I’m giving Logan a quick call. He’s out in the big, bad world, making a name for himself. The room I am now living in has zero personality. I think my mom wanted it that way.

Over breakfast, I asked her if she could take me to Hobby Lobby to pick up some decorations for my room. That is the next thing on my to-do list before I start my job. I also need a vehicle to get me from point A to point B.

I already have a job lined up. It’s one of the reasons I decided to come here instead of closer to my siblings. My mom needs me more than my siblings.

I’m hoping we can cross off a few things from my to-do list while we are out.

I have been looking for a used car in this area for a while now.

I saved all the money that I earned when I was in the Army, only needing to pay a cell phone bill.

Everything else was paid for by the Army, so I was able to build up a nice little nest egg. I hear my phone ping.

Logan: Glad to see you made it. I’ll be in town sometime next week. Will I get to see you?

I know what he’s asking. I know that he will probably want to hang out with Auggie, and I really don’t.

River: We will see. Text me when you get to town.

Logan sends back a thumbs-up emoji.

After we get back from the store, I look for a hammer and brackets to hang decor. I bought some frames for pictures from my time in the Army.

I know I’m going to miss the Army, but my mom needs me more.

I was lucky enough to find a position right away.

I didn’t have any issues finding a job given my degree and experience.

I know it will be a little different than what I was doing in the Army.

I have a few weeks to settle in before my first day.

I don’t know anyone here other than my mom’s family and my aunts, and there is no way in hell I’m hanging out with my mom’s family.

I had a girls’ night with my mom and the girls.

It was fun to hear about all the things that they used to get up to.

It’s nice to be around them again. I really missed them.

“So, River, your mom said that you start your new job on Monday? Where will you be working?” one of them asks.

I haven’t told anyone where I’m going to be working, but everyone keeps asking. I don’t want anyone to know, so I respond with a vague answer, “Somewhere here in Hannibal.” I give her a sly smile.

“You can’t tell us where you will be working?”

“No, because I don’t want you all to show up out of the blue.”

“Us? We would do no such thing.”

“No way am I telling you. You know you would eventually.”

So far, no one has brought him or Melissa up in conversation.

I feel like they are intentionally not speaking about either one of them.

In the past five years, any time either one of them came up in conversation, I immediately changed the subject.

Now, that seems stupid. I know I will have to face both eventually.

This town isn’t that big. I’m just not ready right now.

I’m assuming he lives somewhere around here since Aunt Connie keeps saying that she’s so happy that her family is all back together again.

Everyone keeps asking me why I moved to Hannibal. The biggest reason is my mom. My sister moved to the West Coast, and I don’t see her moving back anytime soon. My brother is down in Florida doing God knows what. Every time I talk to him, he’s bartending. He loves it down there.

The second reason is that I need to face the things I ran from.

I don’t regret running away, but I learned from the Army that I should never retreat.

I’m a big girl, and I face things now. I have to ease myself back into this.

I’m just afraid of what I might find, especially with Auggie.

Has he moved on? Did he ever miss me? Is he glad I walked away?

Is he with Melissa? I think that would end me.

Regardless, I’m done running. I’m here. I’m staying. I will not run away anymore.