Page 56 of All Wrapped Up

It took me some time before I felt ready to leave too, but eventually I made my way back to the yard.

There were quite a few vehicles parked up by then, but there was no one in sight and I guessed everyone had made their way to the start of the trail.

I sent Amber a quick text apologising for ducking out and drove straight back to the cottage. I’d learn about fungi another day.

The closer I got, the more I hoped I’d find Ash’s truck parked on the side of the road with him waiting for me in it, but the drove was empty and for the first time that autumn, Rowan Cottage felt cold when I turned the key in the lock and walked in.

With the heating turned up and the fire roaring, I sat in my armchair with Pixie on my lap and both of us wrapped in my favourite fleece blanket.

I had thought I wanted to know how Ash felt about me, but now that I did and it wasn’t the way I had expected, it was no comfort at all.

I wasn’t sure if I would have felt differently had I not seen his guest at the barn, but what did it matter when my heart was still bound to another?

‘Callum,’ I said softly. ‘Can you help me now?’

I collected the box, filled with his notes and cards, from its spot on the shelf in my wardrobe and carried it down to the sitting room in the hope of finding comfort or inspiration or even both.

I sat cross-legged in front of the wood burner, with Pixie watching from the armchair and lifted the lid.

The notes, and their sentiments were as warm and familiar as always, but they offered nothing to help me work through the complications my heart was currently facing.

I delved deeper and spread out birthday, Valentine’s, Christmas cards and a solitary wedding anniversary card.

That was almost my undoing, but I resisted the urge to bundle them away again and carried on searching.

The very last card in the box had a bottle of champagne on the front.

Callum had given it to me to celebrate the day we’d successfully bid on and won our broken-down house at the property auction.

It was the house we had both wanted, but Callum had doubted we’d be able to secure.

I, however, had known without any doubt it was the one and in spite of the damning survey, reports and all its associated problems, I fought fiercely for it, we won it and together we had gone on to make it a beautiful home.

‘?“To my darling, brave, Clemmie,”?’ I read aloud. ‘?“Thank goodness one of us listens to our heart, rather than our head! Here’s to the future and many more adventures following your intuition! With all my love, Callum.”?’

I sat back and silently read the words again.

We might not have had time enough to manage more adventures, but Callum was right, I had always listened to my heart and followed my intuition.

In all walks of life, I had been ruled by the feelings I had deep inside, rather than the doubts my head would attempt to scotch those gut feelings with… so why was I suppressing them now?

‘Ash!’ I gasped, as someone suddenly knocked on the door and made me jump.

Given the timing, I assumed that it could only be him, but it wasn’t.

‘Molly,’ I said, feeling both confused and guiltily disappointed to find her standing there. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I am,’ she said. ‘But I don’t think you are.’

‘How did you get here?’ I asked, looking over her shoulder.

I remembered she’d mentioned Hayley’s driving the day we met at the library, which gave me the impression that she didn’t sit behind the wheel herself.

‘Hayley was driving me back to the hall from the farm and I asked her to drop me off,’ Molly explained.

‘I see.’

‘She’ll be back in a while. I hope that’s okay?’

‘Of course,’ I said, still wondering what the purpose of her unexpected visit was. ‘Come in.’

‘Thank you.’

After she’d handed me the cloak she was wrapped in, I showed her into the sitting room.

‘You have a beautiful home,’ she said, looking about her. ‘And one of Bella’s fairies, I see.’

‘That’s Aurora,’ I told her.

‘Dawn.’ Molly smiled in her serene way. ‘How utterly perfect.’

‘That’s right. Would you like something to drink?’

‘No, thank you,’ she declined. ‘I was sorry you missed the walk this morning.’

‘Yes,’ I sighed. ‘I’m sorry about that, too, but something… came up.’

She looked at me for a moment. ‘Clemmie,’ she then said more seriously as she sat on the sofa and Pixie slowly sidled along so she was next to her and curled up. ‘May I ask what it is that’s troubling you?’

I sat in my armchair, rather less elegantly, and realised Callum’s cards and notes were still spread about.

‘I might be able to help you,’ she added kindly. ‘If you feel able to let me.’

‘Oh, Molly,’ I said, giving her a wobbly smile. ‘I don’t think you can.’

‘Let’s see, shall we?’

In a move that was very unguarded for me, I then proceeded to tell her how I’d always followed my heart, the card from Callum proving that I was known for it and that I could be brave too, when I needed to be.

‘But for some reason,’ I swallowed as the words started to stick, ‘I just can’t seem to stop letting my head rule things, when it comes to my feelings for… Ash.’

Molly didn’t seem at all surprised that his name had come up.

‘Well,’ she said, ‘that’s because the head is far simpler to work with than the heart and of course, your heart, Clemmie, has been battling feelings of disloyalty most likely right from the very first moment you set eyes on Ash.’

‘You mean,’ I frowned, ‘you think I’ve loved him as long as…’

‘He’s loved you?’ she picked up. ‘Yes, I do think that.’ I was flabbergasted.

‘And I do also think that you are now finally listening to your heart again, even if you don’t realise it.

You’d already started to long before today and these words from Callum here have prompted you further, but you’re still not quite there yet. ’

‘You’re right.’

‘So, what is it, Clemmie? What’s now stopping you telling Ash that you’re in love with him and embracing this new dawn?’

We both looked at Aurora again.

‘Oh, Molly,’ I sadly said. ‘There’s no point in me telling him now because I know he’s seeing someone else. I saw him at the barn, with another woman.’

‘No,’ Molly gasped. ‘No, that’s not right. It can’t be…’

‘I saw her with my own eyes,’ I sighed. ‘And of course I’m not judging, but I can’t risk my heart for someone who isn’t going to be… all in, can I?’

‘Ash is all in,’ Molly said firmly. ‘You need to talk to him.’

‘I’m not sure if I can…’

‘But before you do,’ Molly interjected, ignoring the doubt I’d expressed, ‘you need to let Callum’s hold on your heart go.’

‘I still haven’t managed to do that, have I?’

‘You almost have,’ she said, standing up again. ‘But not quite.’

According to Molly, autumn was the perfect time for letting go in a big way.

Clarifying, she explained, that shedding the feelings that no longer served me and acknowledging that change was both beautiful and necessary would be a huge help going forward.

She told me this while encouraging me to write down everything I could think of that I wanted to be free from in preparation for performing a simple fire ritual.

I still didn’t know if a relationship with Ash was in my future – Molly assured me that it was, but there was still the issue of the other woman – however, the one thing I was very clear on was that I no longer wanted my life, more specifically, my heart and my potential love life, to continue to be so bound to my past.

I would never forget Callum, but I did now want to love again and I wanted to do it without the associated feelings of guilt and disloyalty that my heart was already nudging me to release. It was time.

Molly and I sat together in front of the wood burner. She said a few words and I repeated them and then I cast my note into the fire. We watched the paper burn and the flames fly up the chimney, taking my former feelings with them.

‘There,’ she smiled, letting out a long breath. ‘How do you feel now?’

‘Like a weight has actually lifted.’ I smiled in response, as I rolled my shoulders and stretched my neck.

It was true. I did feel very different.

‘Well, you needn’t sound so surprised,’ she laughed in that tinkling way of hers. ‘You obviously believed in the magic, otherwise you wouldn’t have gone through with the ritual.’

I gave her a sheepish smile.

‘You know,’ I confessed, ‘I was a bit scared of you when we first met.’

‘I know,’ she simply said.

‘But I’m not now.’

‘I know that, too,’ she grinned and I laughed, just as my phone pinged with a notification.

‘Hayley’s just pulled up,’ I told her once I’d read it.

‘Perfect,’ she nodded, and said goodbye to Pixie while I collected her cloak. ‘Do you know what you’re going to do now?’

‘I do,’ I told her. ‘And it’s all thanks to you, Molly. Thank you.’

‘If you weren’t ready,’ she told me, ‘you wouldn’t be going to do it, which means that, actually, it’s all down to you.’

Once Molly had gone Pixie and I set off for the barn again. It was getting late, but a corner had been turned and I had no desire to wait a moment longer before I reset my compass on a hopefully new and exciting path.

‘Damn,’ I muttered, as I pulled on to the drive and my headlights picked out the back of Ash’s truck and the one belonging to the woman who had been there before.

My heart didn’t feel quite so light when I spotted her hugging Ash on the doorstep. I realised that it was the same woman he’d embraced at Skylark Farm and probably in the shower, too.

‘Do you think they’ve noticed us?’ I asked Pixie and she barked in confirmation. ‘You’re right and I’m not bottling it now,’ I forthrightly added, then parked and turned off the engine.

While I had been manoeuvring, the woman had walked over, so I had no choice but to open the window because she clearly wanted to say something.

‘Hi,’ I said.

‘Lost again?’ she smiled.

‘Something like that.’