Page 45 of All Wrapped Up

‘No,’ I told him. ‘I’d rather do this on my own, but I appreciate you offering. I’ll walk over to the pub and meet you there when we’ve finished talking.’

‘All right,’ he said, taking my hand and giving it a squeeze. ‘I’ll see you there. And remember, Clemmie, this is your rodeo.’ I smiled at that. ‘You can say as much or as little as you want to.’

‘As long as I say something, now that I’ve made up my mind to.’

‘Exactly.’

Lizzie and Jemma were waiting for me as previously arranged and Jemma had set out almost a complete afternoon tea for us to feast on while we talked. It was a pity I had no appetite.

‘Are you sure you wouldn’t like one of these little apple and cinnamon pastries?’ she offered, while Lizzie poured us all tea.

‘They’re so moreish,’ Lizzie confessed. ‘I can eat at least a dozen in a single sitting.’

‘She can,’ Jemma agreed, popping one in her own mouth and picking up another.

She’d clearly forgiven Lizzie for not saying anything about Rowan Cottage being the backdrop for AutumnEverything and that I was the face behind it, which was a relief.

‘They do look wonderful,’ I said as my tummy turned over. ‘Perhaps I’ll have one in a minute.’

‘If there’s any left,’ Lizzie laughed, picking up three. ‘Now come on, have you, by any chance, come to tell us that we can share the news that you’re the person behind Autumn Everything ahead of Friday?’

I picked up a paper napkin and laid it on my lap.

‘I have actually,’ I told her. ‘And so can Joanne. I know you’ve got some customers who follow the account because it came up in the workshop I helped you with, didn’t it?’

‘Yes.’ Lizzie nodded. ‘It did and I was already thinking they’d be the perfect people to find out first. We’ve still got a couple of days before the paper is published, so we can easily get the word out by then.’

‘And this way,’ Jemma grinned, ‘we can have our say on your behalf and justify why you haven’t used the account to promote the festival and what’s printed in the paper after that won’t come as a surprise to anyone.’

‘Oh,’ I said, with a rueful smile. ‘Some of it might.’

‘What do you mean?’ Lizzie asked, between mouthfuls.

I screwed the napkin up and held it tight in my hands. ‘Well,’ I began, ‘I know there’s a chance that this won’t be mentioned in the paper because it isn’t relevant, at least I’m hoping that’s the case, but I’ve decided that I’d like you both, as my friends, to know anyway.’

‘Go on,’ Lizzie said softly.

The change in her tone suggested that she’d picked up that I was poised to share something deep and meaningful, rather than something frivolous.

‘I was once married,’ I quickly carried on, getting straight down to it as I tried to ignore the painful lump which had already formed in my throat, ‘and my husband, Callum, was killed in a freak accident in the town we grew up in and still lived in.’

In perfect tandem the two friends gasped and their hands flew to cover their mouths. They didn’t say anything, but the sudden injection of deep shock into the room felt almost tangible.

‘It was all covered very widely in the media,’ I continued shakily, ‘and eighteen months after his death, I moved to Rowan Cottage with the intention of privately processing my grief and trying to move my life on away from the shadow of public interest which dogged my steps, my thoughts, my everything really…’

‘Oh, my darling girl,’ Jemma sobbed.

‘That’s the reason why I’ve kept myself to myself for so long,’ I carried on.

‘There was an overwhelming amount of public interest in what happened and strangers used the house renovation account Callum and I previously had to constantly message me and share their own tragedies. I know it was all well-meant, or most of it was anyway, but it became too much for me to deal with in the end—’

‘Oh, Clemmie,’ Jemma further cried. ‘That would have been too much for anyone to handle, wouldn’t it, Lizzie? No wonder you shut yourself away.’

‘We had no idea,’ Lizzie said.

She looked and sounded absolutely shellshocked.

‘I did wonder if you might have looked me up online when you recognised the cottage,’ I confessed to her. ‘But I realised you hadn’t the first day I visited the café and I can tell you haven’t since, either.’

‘I had no reason to Google you, but if I had, and found this out, there’s no way I would have been able to pretend I didn’t know,’ she confirmed.

‘I’m even sorrier that your name has come to that journalist’s attention now,’ Jemma said, sounding deeply upset.

‘And so was I when Joanne told us what had occurred on Saturday, but I’ve been thinking about it since then and talking to Ash—’

‘Good old Ash,’ Lizzie smiled, sounding a little more like herself again.

‘And I’m not anywhere near as concerned now,’ I carried on forthrightly. ‘The focus of the story will be about the shop window winners, not my past. AutumnEverything might get a passing mention but that will be it.’

‘Should be it,’ Lizzie corrected.

‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Fingers crossed.’ And I held mine up to stress the point.

Jemma let out a ragged breath. ‘You must have been so young when it happened, Clemmie,’ she sniffed and I realised she hadn’t heard any of what I’d said about the paper, because she was still trying to absorb my heartbreak.

‘I was,’ I confirmed. ‘Callum and I were both very young. And we’d only been married a year and a half.’

‘That’s the most terrible tragedy.’

‘It is,’ Lizzie agreed, then added, ‘And no wonder you didn’t want Joanne playing Cupid and trying to shove you and Ash together.’

‘Though you sound very close now,’ Jemma pointed out as she wiped her eyes.

‘We are,’ I confirmed. ‘He’s a wonderful friend and a truly trustworthy confidante. I’m blessed to have him and I should go really, because he’s waiting for me in the pub.’

Lizzie and Jemma both gave me a hug and I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

I had known my decision to talk to my new friends had been the right one and I was grateful for Ash’s encouragement to do it sooner rather than later.

I might have a tricky few days to come, but with friends by my side, I’d get through it.

Friends who knew the whole of me now. There was nothing hidden.

‘I can’t even begin to express how sorry we are that you’ve been through this, Clemmie,’ Lizzie said, as she kissed my cheek. ‘And I’m even more sorry that Joanne has been the person responsible for the mess.’

‘I mean it, please don’t worry about Joanne,’ I told her. ‘Because this truly doesn’t feel like the mess I once thought it would be. I’d already started thinking about sharing my past in my present, so Joanne’s indiscretion has just sped things along a bit.’

‘But you must be worried about AutumnEverything,’ Jemma sighed. ‘It’s not going to be anonymous anymore, is it?’

‘Probably not,’ I resignedly said, ‘but I’ll think more about it after Friday. There’s no point prophesising and worrying before the paper is even published. Whatever occurs, it will doubtless be a flash in the pan anyway.’ That was the hope I was hanging on to. ‘How is Joanne, by the way?’

Lizzie gave the question some thought. ‘I’m not actually sure,’ she frowned. ‘She’s certainly not been her usual self since the weekend but I get the feeling there’s more going on than her stressing over talking to the photographer when she shouldn’t have done. Why do you ask?’

‘I just wondered,’ I shrugged. ‘Because I could tell how truly upset she was.’

Joanne’s worries about her move weren’t mine to discuss and I felt no inclination to return the favour she’d done me by saying more than I should. I was certain it would all come out at a time of her choosing, rather than mine.

‘I do admire you, Clemmie,’ said Jemma, who still looked close to tears. ‘You’re so kind to be thinking of Joanne and so brave, too.’

‘I’m not always brave,’ I swallowed, then added, ‘and I do appreciate that you haven’t asked me what happened to Callum. If you look online for Clemmie and Callum Bennett, you’ll find everything you need to know. I still struggle to say the words…’

‘Of course you do,’ said Lizzie, pulling me in for another hug, which Jemma immediately joined in with.

I took my time crossing the square. I wanted a few seconds in which to collect myself and my legs were shaking so badly I didn’t think they’d carry me if I tried to walk at pace. The cat was completely out of the bag now, but at least I’d been the one to release it.

‘Clemmie!’ I turned around and discovered it was Jason of all people who had called my name.

‘Not now, Jason,’ I said, and hurried through the pub door.

As it was early, the bar was quiet but I couldn’t see Ash. I pulled my phone out of my bag to find he’d sent me a message, apologising that he’d had to leave because of an emergency. He hoped I was all right and would check in with me later.

‘Damn,’ I muttered, feeling shaky all over again.

‘Hey,’ said someone behind me as they caught the top of my arm and I leant into them. ‘Are you all right?’

‘Jason,’ I said, as I levered myself away from him. ‘I’m fine. I just need to go home.’

‘You don’t look in a fit state to go anywhere,’ he frowned. ‘Go and sit down and I’ll get you a drink.’ I opened my mouth to object, but he shook his head. ‘Please.’

He neither looked nor sounded like his usual belligerent self so, hoping I wasn’t going to regret it and feeling too unsteady to resist, I went to sit at a table.

‘Here,’ he said, a minute later as he put a glass in front of me and sat in the chair opposite. ‘Drink that. It’s only Coke, fully loaded mind, because you look like you need some sugar. I saw your Land Rover parked up earlier, so I knew you wouldn’t want a brandy in it.’

The drink was cool and refreshing and I did start to feel better once I’d guzzled most of it down.

‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘What do I owe you?’

‘Just five minutes of your time,’ he requested.