Page 55 of All Wrapped Up

The next day, the sun appeared again. The sky was a cheery mix of clear, bright blue and billowing white clouds and, even though I was grateful for the upturn in the weather in time for the hastily created fungal foray in the Skylark Farm woods that the previous rain and damp weather had made possible, it in no way matched my mood.

I had been having a wonderful time at the pumpkin celebration day in town, right up until the moment Ash had popped into my head and then stubbornly refused to walk out again.

I knew it was early days for quashing my crush, or whatever it was, but I wished it’d soon pass, so I really could see the wood for the trees again.

And talking of woods and trees…

‘Clementine,’ Molly from Wynthorpe Hall greeted me, when I arrived at the farm on Sunday to take part in the walk. ‘I wasn’t sure I’d see you today.’

I was primarily attending in my guise as festival organiser who was making amends for her forgetfulness the day before – not that I’d made my slip public and Joanne and Lizzie’s help had completely covered it – but I was also there because I was interested in the fungi and it was something I didn’t know much about.

‘There was no way I was going to miss this,’ I told her, making sure I sounded brighter than I felt. ‘I’m really looking forward to it. Are you joining in with the walk?’

‘Amber has asked me to lead it,’ she smiled. ‘I’m a bit of an expert.’

I shouldn’t have been surprised about that. Of course, a witch would know her fungi!

‘Fantastic,’ I smiled back. ‘And is there much here for us to see? Amber told me the damp weather has helped.’

‘Oh yes, it has,’ Molly agreed, as she tucked her wild red hair behind her ears. ‘There’s lots for us to look at. I’ve already walked the trail and found plenty to admire. Not as much as in the Wynthorpe Hall woods, but enough to hold everyone’s interest, I think.’

‘Perfect,’ I smiled again, as I looked around the yard.

No one else had arrived yet, but then I was early.

‘Why don’t you go and walk the trail yourself before it gets busy?’ Molly suggested. ‘I get the feeling you could do with a few minutes of calm.’

My gaze swung back to her and I felt my face flush.

‘Take Pixie and make the most of the peace,’ she further said. ‘I’ll let Amber and Jake know you’re here.’

‘All right.’ I nodded, trying not to feel shocked that she had known just what I needed. ‘I’ll see you in a bit.’

‘No rush,’ she said and turned towards the farmhouse.

The trail looked rather different in the daylight and I took my time walking the path towards where I knew the seating was. I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about my previous visit in the dark with Ash.

We had cleared the air that evening after the awkwardness that followed the Fenview Feast, but everything was muddled again now.

As I wandered along, with Pixie sniffing at the fallen leaves, I couldn’t help wondering if things might have turned out differently between us if we had kissed that night…

Lost in my thoughts, I sat on the bench in the clearing.

I didn’t take any notice when Pixie pulled on her lead, assuming she’d caught the scent of something she wanted to chase, but when she barked and I heard heavy footfalls I looked up to find Ash rushing to meet us and I had to pay attention then.

‘Clemmie,’ he puffed, once he’d caught his breath. ‘I’m so relieved you’re here.’

‘You are?’ I frowned, taken aback by the seriousness of his tone.

‘Yes,’ he said, as he took a step closer. ‘I am. My god, Clemmie, I’ve only just found out.’

‘Found out what?’ I asked as I stood up and Pixie strained towards him.

He looked at me for a moment and swallowed hard. ‘About how…’ he awkwardly started, then pulled off his hat and twisted it in his hands. ‘About how Callum… died. I’ve literally just been told.’

I felt my throat go dry.

‘ And that you were at the rescue by the river the other night,’ he then continued.

‘I see.’ I swallowed, feeling myself go hot.

‘Tim’s just seen your Land Rover parked up and said it was there that night and when I told him it belonged to you, he felt awful.

He said he saw you and talked to you, but didn’t know it was you and if he had, he would have helped you because he knew what had happened to Callum by then, even though until he just filled me in, I didn’t. ’

‘It was fine,’ I lied. I felt incredibly touched that Ash still hadn’t typed my name into a search engine.

He had doubtless been waiting for me to tell him the details myself, but of course, for one reason and another, I hadn’t managed it.

It was odd to think that he was one of the last people to know, when really, he should have been the first. ‘I didn’t need help. ’

‘But it must have been terrifying—’

‘Well, I’ve had better nights out,’ I cut in. ‘But I didn’t know what I was going to find there when I stopped, did I? I just happened to see the lights and…’

‘How did you see the lights when you were supposed to be at the cottage waiting for me?’ he asked.

‘Oh, I had to unexpectedly go out,’ I blagged. I wasn’t about to confess to being in a panic and trying to track him down. ‘Anyway, it doesn’t matter now.’

‘Of course it matters,’ he said, taking another step nearer. ‘Had I known you’d been there and about Callum’s accident, I would have kept you properly informed and come to the cottage to let you know I was okay straight after. You must have been worried.’

‘I was when I realised what was going on,’ I admitted. ‘But then I spotted you with Will and knew you were all right. How’s the horse, by the way?’

‘Never mind the horse,’ Ash said, sounding frustrated.

‘Look,’ I said. ‘I don’t want to talk about it, which is why I’m trying to move the conversation on.’

‘Okay, sorry,’ he said, running a hand through his hair. ‘Well, the horse is fine. We’re taking her to a local charity next week as no one’s claimed her.’

‘That’s so sad.’

‘It could have been a far worse outcome. You saw how the river was raging that night. Sorry,’ he then immediately apolo-gised, with a wince. ‘That was insensitive.’

‘It’s fine,’ I said. ‘Please don’t feel like you’ve got to pussyfoot around me.’

‘All right,’ he said, his shoulders dropping a little. ‘Going forward, I’ll try not to.’

He reached out in a way that I recognised as him coming in for a hug and I stepped back, almost tripping over Pixie in my haste.

‘What is it?’ Ash frowned.

‘Nothing,’ I whispered.

‘Everything is all right between us, isn’t it?’ He then frowned deeper. ‘I know I haven’t seen you since before that night, but I messaged and I’ve been taking care of the horse and working flat out. I promise you though, Clemmie, had I known sooner about Callum, I would have—’

‘It’s not that,’ I cut in.

‘What then?’

I looked at him and then at the ground.

‘What?’ he said again.

I was scared to say the words, but went for it anyway.

‘I need to ask you something?’ I gulped.

‘Go on.’

‘Are you,’ I said, before I could chicken out, ‘in love with me?’

‘What?’ he laughed, but not in an amused way.

‘Are you in love with me?’ I asked again. ‘Yes or no.’

He squeezed his eyes shut. ‘Am I in love with you?’ he repeated, when he finally opened them again.

The question sounded ludicrous and if I could have taken the words back, I would have done.

‘Yes,’ he then said, before I had a chance to apologise for asking. ‘Yes, I’m in love with you, Clemmie. Of course I am.’

‘That’s exactly what I said,’ I started to blurt, then realised I’d misunderstood what he’d said and stopped. ‘Wait. What?’

‘I’ve been in love with you from the moment you walked into the café the day we met,’ he carried on, going for broke himself.

‘My world has been turned upside down because of you. My entire being, when we’re not together, is consumed by thoughts of you.

I’ve developed a passion for the local birdlife because of you, I’ve joined Instagram.

I’ve… I’ve done everything I can think of to be near you, knowing I love you, but can never be properly near you. ’

Pixie started to whine and I picked her up.

‘Ash—’

He didn’t stop.

‘When we first met,’ he rushed on, ‘I knew you were single and wanted to be, but I clung to the hope that you’d fall for me anyway, right up until the moment…

right up until the moment that you told me your heart belonged to someone else and, because they had died while you were still in love with them, it always would. ’

‘Ash—’ I interrupted again.

‘Then, after the feast, I tried to stay away from you, but that hurt like hell and I realised that if I wasn’t careful, I’d lose you as a friend, too.

And that would be worse, right? Friends might not be everything, but it’s definitely something.

Being your friend is a million times better than not having you in my life at all.

I can’t bear the thought of not having you in my life. ’

A sudden and deafening silence followed this emotional outpouring.

A part of me wanted to shout out that I felt exactly the same way, but the part of me that could still visualise the woman he’d shared a shower with and the other part that could still feel my wedding band, even though I no longer wore it, won out.

‘I have to go,’ Ash finally said as he crammed his hat back on his head and after enough time had passed for it to become apparent that I wasn’t going to respond.

His voice was strained and not surprisingly, he couldn’t meet my eye.

He had just poured his heart out to me, confessed everything that Jason, of all people, had noticed and I had given him…

nothing. If I was in his shoes, I wouldn’t have been able to get away fast enough, either, whether I’d already found solace in someone else or not.

‘I’m so sorry,’ he whispered and with that, he was gone.