Page 40 of All Wrapped Up

‘How about,’ I suggested, ‘you get straight to the point and tell me why you’ve suddenly turned from new friend and trusted confidante into someone who makes me feel awkward and embarrassed?’

‘I wish you hadn’t put it like that,’ he said hoarsely.

I risked a look at his face and could see his eyes were bright as if they were shining with tears, but that couldn’t possibly be the case, could it?

Given that he was the one who had initiated the distance between us, first with his trip to Bakewell and then through his cold and odd behaviour since his return, I couldn’t imagine he was feeling that emotionally moved.

‘But it’s the truth.’ I shrugged, determined to be honest. If we were going to salvage anything, honesty had to be the way to go. ‘Awkward and embarrassed is exactly how you’ve made me feel. And regretful, too,’ I added, for good measure.

‘But those are the last emotions I want you to associate with me.’

I looked at him again.

‘How can I believe that when you’ve barely spoken to me since you’ve been back from your parents’ and you hid from me in your place of work. You actually hid, Ash. And you’ve obviously talked to the people you work with about whatever it is that I’ve done wrong, rather than talk to—’

‘You haven’t done anything wrong,’ he cut in, wringing his hat in his hands.

‘Well, forgive me for thinking I hadn’t done anything right!’ I laughed without humour as my annoyance with him began to properly prickle.

Pixie whined and I picked her up and kissed the top of her head.

‘You know, I think I should go,’ I said, the words catching. ‘The last thing I want is Pixie feeling upset, too.’

‘I don’t want either of you feeling upset.’

‘Well,’ I said, as I turned away, ‘you’ve got a funny way of showing it.’ I took a couple of steps back to where the path carried on. ‘Please make my apologies to Amber and Jake and tell them I’ll call them tomorrow.’

‘It was the Fenview Feast!’ Ash then blurted out and I turned around again. ‘It was what happened that night, when we were dancing. I—’

‘Nothing happened,’ I interrupted.

I had known that had been the start of it.

‘But it almost did,’ he said, then shouldered all of the responsibility for our not-quite post-dance kiss. ‘And I’ve hated myself for it ever since.’

As cross as I was with him, I couldn’t allow that.

‘Well, if you’re so keen to apportion blame, then you have to allow me a slice of it, too,’ I insisted, but Ash shook his head and wouldn’t hear of it. ‘I got just as almost carried away as you did,’ I reminded him.

‘No,’ he said. ‘No.’

‘But why not?’

‘Because I should have backed off sooner. Because you had told me that when your husband died, you had closed your heart and that you were never going to fall in love again and I therefore should have behaved better. That’s why I object to you being at fault.’

‘But I wasn’t falling in love with you at Fenview,’ I pointed out. ‘I was dancing with you, Ash. And enjoying it. I hadn’t done it in a very long time.’

He took a minute to process that.

‘So, you’re saying that you honestly felt that there was nothing deeper to what happened than that?’

‘Nothing deeper at all,’ I insisted as I firmly pushed away the memory of our bodies pressed together and the feel of Ash’s warm hands on my back. ‘You know there wasn’t. It was just dancing.’

‘Just dancing…’

‘And I’m sorry,’ I added, with a small smile, as I tried to inject a little humour into the situation now it had finally been broached, ‘but I have to tell you, your moves aren’t that good. They didn’t even earn you a kiss in the end, did they?’

‘Only because my phone started to ring and cut the moment off,’ he said croakily. ‘It could have happened otherwise; you can’t deny that.’

‘Well,’ I said, unwilling to further consider the possibility, ‘we’ll never know now, will we?

And besides, I’m grateful that we didn’t kiss because we’re friends, or supposed to be, not friends with benefits, and an adrenaline fuelled kiss could have really confused the situation and killed off our relationship. ’

‘I see,’ he puffed, as he shoved his hat back on his head. ‘Well, I’m the one feeling mortified now.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you’ve clearly not given it another thought,’ he muttered.

I wasn’t about to refute that, even though it wasn’t true and bent my desire for honesty right out of shape.

‘Not in the same way I have, anyway. And I’ve gone and made too much of it and ruined everything between us in the process, haven’t I? ’

‘You haven’t ruined everything,’ I insisted, feeling relieved that we seemed to be getting back on track, ‘but you’ve definitely made too much of it.

I barely gave the moment headspace once you’d left,’ I blagged, ‘but you’ve gone into hiding over something that didn’t even happen.

You’ve been acting like a nine-year-old. ’

‘Hey!’

‘Well, honestly,’ I couldn’t help but laugh at his put-out expression. ‘You have. You know you have.’

‘I suppose,’ he confessed begrudgingly. ‘But can we say it’s done with now we’ve finally talked about it?’

‘Yes.’

‘And you really mean it when you say that I haven’t ruined our relationship?’

‘I do. But—’

‘No but.’

‘But,’ I carried on, ‘should something like this come up again, not that we’re ever likely to almost kiss in the future, but if something occurs that you’re not sure about, please talk to me before you run off.’

‘Now, I really do feel nine and like I’ve had a telling off.’

‘Well, perhaps you deserve it.’

‘I know. I’m sorry,’ he apologised. ‘Truly sorry. Friends again?’

‘Definitely friends again.’

He held out his hand for me to take and seal our bond and I swear that when our fingers touched, there was more than one meteor that shot across the night sky. I had to fight the urge to snatch my singed fingers back from his grasp and I spent the rest of the evening in something of a daze.