Page 41

She stilled. Far from washing his hands of her and fleeing to the continent, as she had supposed, he’d ensured himself a way of finding out what had happened to her.

There was no prize for guessing what he meant by “anything.” He’d wanted to be told the moment she was with child.

Her chest tightened because, of course, that would never have happened.

“Where was John to send his messages to you?” she asked, lifting her chin.

“Here, at Audley Castle.”

“But … That’s where we’re coming from. Sir Alexander said?—”

“I know. He lied, on my orders.”

Sian remembered the man’s pained face when he’d told her he was sorry he could not answer her questions. She understood then that he’d been sorry to have to obey his friend’s orders when he would have preferred to tell her what he knew.

“Why did you ask him to pretend he had no idea where you were?”

She could scarce believe it. How could he have been so cruel?

“Because I knew as soon as I saw you, my resolve to do the right thing would be forgotten. I wanted to wait a few months, weeks at the very least, before I came to you, but in the end, I—” Christopher sent a stone flying with the tip of his boot and rounded on her, his face taut with anguish.

“Jesus, but I really am the worst kind of bastard.”

Sian recoiled at the harsh word. “W-what are you talking about?”

“Listen to me! Here I am offering my condolences on the death of your husband when, in truth, I am relieved you are not married to him or anyone else anymore.” Another stone disappeared in the undergrowth, then another.

“I’ve hated the man for months, did you know that?

Ever since I heard about your wedding, I’ve hated him for being the one to see you every morning, the one allowed to taste your lips whenever he wanted, the one touching you, the one holding you in his arms, the one making you?—”

“My husband never touched me.”

The words were spoken in such a low voice that she wasn’t sure Christopher had heard her. He tilted his head and leaned in closer to her.

“Pardon me?”

“Ours was not that kind of marriage. Lord Cantle only asked me to marry him when he heard about your rejection of me.”

A frown. “Who on earth told him about that?”

“Me. He visited Sheridan Manor two weeks after you came back from Kent and we had our argument. I was distraught, convinced no one would ever want me and I would never want anyone else. He was kind, he listened to me, he didn’t judge, he wanted to help.

” Unbidden, tears sprang to her eyes. He’d been so understanding, offering her a way out of the despair she’d been drowning in.

“He offered to marry me, to give me his name and his protection, but he told me he would never be a true husband to me because I reminded him of his dead daughter. I agreed to his terms because I could not imagine being in another man’s arms. Our marriage was never consummated.

The only part of my body he ever kissed is my hand. ”

Thunder falling on Christopher would not have stunned him more.

Had he heard Sian right? For months, he’d agonized, imagining her in the man’s bed, shouting her pleasure, doing all the things she had done to him and all the things they had not had time to do.

He’d driven himself mad thinking she might one day swell with her husband’s child, the child he desperately wanted to give her.

And now he was being told that it had all been for nothing, that the man had not even kissed her!

He looked at Sian, incredulous. She was crying, her arms wrapped around her waist, looking like a lost little girl. Everything within him collapsed.

“Jesus, Sian, and you let me torture myself all this time?” How could she have been so cruel? “In all those weeks, you never once thought to tell me I didn’t need to imagine his hands on your skin, his mouth at your breasts, his cock inside you?”

In the blink of an eye, she became a different woman. Her arms fell to her side, her body stiffened, and her eyes sent out furious sparks.

“No, I didn’t, because you didn’t deserve it, you lout!

” she cried out. It was as if the pain and resentment she’d felt for the last few months was finally erupting out of her, a feeling he understood all too well.

He was overwrought himself. “After the way you didn’t trust me and allowed me to believe you cared not about our promises to one another, after you assumed I would not want to fight for you, for us, you didn’t deserve to be told.

How could you even think I would not want you just because you’d lost your title when we’d already agreed to marry?

When I’d already faced my family for you?

You thought your fortune was all I cared about, but all along, I only wanted you ! It was not?—”

“Yes, I did deserve all you made me endure and more.” Cupping her cheeks, he covered her face with hot kisses, stopping her litany.

He saw how much he had hurt her with his lack of faith in her.

“Punish me, then; take your revenge for what I did. Give me all you want to give me, everything I deserve. I want nothing less. I’ve been a fool. ”

“You have.”

“I could have lost you.”

“You could have, and you almost did, you horrid man. But you did not. I’m here. And I’m still yours. We can finally be?—”

His mouth descended on hers before she had time to blink.

The kiss was too rough, the hold around her much too tight.

At the back of his mind, Christopher knew it, but he was powerless to stop.

When he finally managed to slacken his embrace and soften his lips, Sian grabbed him by the collar and drew him back to her, ordering him to kiss her again, harder.

He obeyed. Then, finally, he fell to his knees in front of her. Sian had still not stopped crying. He took her hand and pressed it to his heart.

“Sian. Little Lamb. I’m so sorry. You’re right; I should have believed in you. I should have seen something was not right. If you let me, I will spend the rest of my life atoning for what I did to you and what I didn’t do, for what I should have done and what I didn’t say.”

Through her tears, she smiled the most beautiful smile anyone had ever given him. “That is a lot of atonement. You had better live to a hundred, or you’ll never make it.”

“Yes, I had better. And I will love you every day of my long life if you find it in yourself to forgive me, if you will just … have me. Please.” He placed his forehead against her stomach in a gesture of complete submission.

He was hers to command, now and forever.

His life made sense only with her in it anyway.

The last few months had almost destroyed him.

No stranger to unhappiness and solitude, without her, he had known true loneliness.

“I beg of you, Sian. Have me. To make my life hell if you must, but have me.”

After such a declaration, Sian could do nothing but fall to her knees in front of Christopher. He had never abandoned her, and he still wanted her; it was all that mattered.

“Of course I will have you, you silly man.” How could she not?

He swallowed, looking nothing like his confident, arrogant self. “If we marry, you know you will not be a lady. You are Lord Sheridan’s daughter, and you were Lady Cantle. Nothing I can offer will compete with that.”

“You will give me the love my father gives me, the protection my husband offered, the pleasure no one else could make me feel, and the children I’ve always wanted. It is more than enough. I want nothing else.”

A kiss, tender this time, came to seal her pledge. Then she placed her hand on his cheek and finally said the words burning her lips. “I love you.”

“I know you do.”

“Christopher!” A giggle escaped her throat, erasing the last vestige of her tears. “You’re supposed to say ‘me too’ or some such.”

“Forgive me, Little Lamb. I’m new to all this. I’ve never loved anyone else before, so I have no notion of how I should behave.” Despite the words, he looked anything but contrite. “Tell me again.”

“I love you.”

He brought his nose to hers. “Me too, or some such.”

Her heart melted. There were no two men like him, and he was hers at last. “You really are horrid.”

“Yes. But fortunately, you love me and are going to marry me. With you as my wife, I will become a worthy man, one who can be trusted to raise the children you want.”

Children.

Everything within her leaped at the thought of the babies she would finally have. “That’s why I decided to marry you, you know, all those years ago. Because I wanted children. Even as young as nine, I knew I needed a man for that.”

“I see.” His left brow arched in the way she loved. “If you only wanted babies, any man would have done.”

How she loved it when he teased her. “Mm, I suppose so,” she teased back, making sure to appear as if she were considering the option. “But it just so happened that you were the first one I saw that day, so my choice fell on you.”

“Lucky me.” His smile was wolfish, a perfect match for the look in his brown eye.

“And lucky you. Because if that’s what you want, I will be sure to fill your belly with babies time and time again.

In fact, I would like nothing more than to take you to Audley right now and then on to bed, where I can start fulfilling the task I’ve been assigned. ”

Sian was practically panting. “Then why don’t you?”

Christopher kissed the tip of her nose. “Because first, there is something I have to do. This time, I will do things right.”

“I’m sorry for all I made you endure when we were young. I was jealous. It’s no excuse, but there it is. I was a jealous fool.”

Sian stood between Christopher and Jane, her eyes darting from one to the other, unsure what to say or whether she should say anything. Earlier, he had taken her straight to her father and, to her shock, had asked him for his daughter’s hand. Instead of answering, Connor had turned to her.

“Do you want this man?”

“Yes!”

The word had burst out of her mouth. What else could she have said? She would never accept anyone else ever again.

She had not imagined Christopher would then take her to Jane so that he could apologize for his past behavior toward her. She looked on nervously as they stared at one another.

“This is not something you should be telling me but my sister,” Jane finally said. “You should be sorry for what you made her endure.”

“I am sorrier than I can ever express.” He sounded uncharacteristically earnest. “I have already told Sian as much, and she was mad enough to forgive me for what I made her go through. Though we all know I don’t deserve such generosity and she could find herself a better man, I don’t have the strength to do the right thing.

I tried to once and ended up causing us months of misery. ”

Sian took his hand and gave it a squeeze.

Jane turned toward her and said in Welsh, “Did he really apologize?” She sounded dubious, perhaps not unreasonably so. Christopher Harrison was not a man easily given to remorse, and it wasn’t hard to guess not many people had heard him admit to his faults.

“Most thoroughly.”

“And you’ve forgiven him, as he says?”

“I have.” Her forgiveness had never been in question.

“Was that why he waited for you in the forest? To apologize?”

“Yes.”

There was a pause, during which Jane subjected Christopher to a thorough examination.

He withstood it with calm and dignity, something that seemed to impress her sister.

Not only that, but he had not batted an eye at the use of Welsh in his presence when it was clearly meant to exclude him and he knew they were discussing him.

This whole new attitude seemed to convince Jane that he was a reformed man, one who could make her sister happy.

Sian held her breath. It would mean a lot to her if the two of them could become friends or at least learn to tolerate one another.

“What are you doing wasting your time talking to me, then?” Jane smiled. “You should be celebrating your betrothal in bed together. Or are you telling me you haven’t agreed to get married?”

“We … we have. Father just gave us our blessing.”

“Then there is nothing for me to say. Go, and make sure to get all the pleasure he owes you.”

Sian could only stare at her sister’s retreating form.

“What did she say?” Christopher asked once they were alone again.

She was too stunned to even think of a lie to cover Jane’s startling words. “That we should be in bed together right now instead of talking to her so that you can give me all the pleasure you owe me.”

A laugh escaped Christopher’s lips. “Perfect Little Jane Hunter is correct as usual. That is exactly what we should be doing.” He swept her into his arms and nodded toward the keep. “Which one is your room?”

“No bed.” The idea of lying with Christopher in a place where they could be overheard while they made love was not an appealing one. “The evening is not so cold. Take me to the meadow.”

A feral smile uncovered his teeth. “ Our meadow, as it will be known from now on. An excellent idea, my love. Take me to our tree.”