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Chapter Nine

L ying on her bed, Sian concentrated on staying still so as not to awaken her sister. It was a miracle she had managed to slip into bed without disturbing Jane. As a matter of fact, she had barely any recollection of how she had made it back to Sheridan Manor.

After Christopher had withdrawn from her sated body, she had been too dazed, too happy to do anything but breathe and let him wipe her stomach clean.

Her guess was that he had taken her home on Warrior’s back and then carried her to her bedchamber door, half asleep already.

As soon as she’d collapsed on her bed, sleep had claimed her.

As a result, she had been unable to tell him what she had meant to tell him.

He still had no idea she was in love with him and had been for years, he still didn’t know she had given herself to him because she could not imagine a life where she was not his wife, and he had still not agreed to get married.

Yes. That was the biggest problem.

“Is that you?” Jane asked, her voice disembodied in the darkness. Though dawn was not far away, no light pervaded into the room yet. “Is everything all right? You didn’t come to bed at the usual time last night. And I could not find you anywhere in the afternoon. Where were you?”

“I … I …” What could she say?

Her sister stilled, alerted by her hesitation. Sian imagined her eyes had grown as wide as cart wheels. “You went to him, didn’t you? He took advantage of you, didn’t he, like the rogue he is? He?—”

“He did not.”

Jane’s body relaxed. “Thank God. Forgive me. For a moment, I thought he’d touched you.”

Oh, he had touched her—rather thoroughly. And she had touched him just as thoroughly. The whole thing had been spectacular. “I mean …”

The silence in the room became as dense as smoke. “You mean …?”

“We lay together,” she blurted out. After that admission, the rest of the confession came tumbling out.

“It’s not what you think. He didn’t force me into anything.

We made love on the forest floor, and it was at my request. You know what I feel for him.

I told him tonight I want to marry him, and I …

I forced his hand most shamefully. Please don’t hate him, Jane.

Don’t hate me. Please. What was the harm in us lying together?

We are going to be husband and wife anyway. ”

For a long moment, there was nothing.

Then, when Sian was bracing herself for a torrent of reproach, Jane asked, her voice low and tentative, “How was it?”

Relief flooded Sian’s veins. Her sister wasn’t angry; she didn’t think her unforgivably wanton.

As long as that was the case, she could face anything.

Then she shook her head, unsure how to answer the question.

There were no words to describe what she had experienced, but at the risk of worrying Jane, who would think she didn’t dare tell her she’d been hurt, she had to try.

“I always knew I would love being in his arms, but the reality surpassed my imagination.”

“Did it hurt?”

A pause while Sian thought. “No. I cannot say it did. It was odd, that’s all.”

They had often heard it said that it would hurt, and Christopher had warned her about it before he’d taken her, but Sian could not describe what she had felt when he had surged inside her as pain.

Perhaps she had been too desperate to notice; perhaps it was because he had stroked her beforehand and made her erupt in pleasure.

She had felt how wet and slick she was when he’d stroked her just beforehand, and instinct told her it had eased his penetration.

“It was wonderful, indescribable, like crying and laughing at the same time. I always thought he was the right man for me, and this proved it.” She paused. “You will see when your time comes.”

It was light enough by then for Sian to see Jane make a face.

She didn’t seem convinced, either because she couldn’t credit Christopher with being the right man for anyone or because she imagined him behaving roughly in bed.

Sian should have reassured her, but she was ill at ease.

How could she tell her sister what they had done together?

If Jane knew she had taken a man into her mouth and enjoyed every decadent moment of it, she would think of her differently.

“I will ask for a bath to be drawn for you,” Jane declared, putting an end to the discussion.

A bath. Yes. How had Sian not thought of that?

It would do her good. Remembering the way Christopher’s seed had coated her stomach, she started to blush.

She should have washed herself before going to bed, but she had been too tired.

Could Jane smell the unusual scent? Was that why she had suggested she take a bath?

The heat spread further, reaching the roots of her hair, but she refused to be embarrassed.

The whole encounter had been wonderful, and she had loved every moment.

“Thank you. A bath would be good.”

“And I promise I will not tell Father where you went.”

All the blood drained from Sian’s veins.

All of a sudden, she wasn’t hot anymore but icy cold.

Of a certainty, her father would object to what had happened last night, every single moment of it.

He would be appalled at the deception she had played on Christopher by dragging him to the meadow under false pretenses and then pretending to be Mildred, as well as shocked by her wantonness.

He would also condemn Christopher’s inability to resist her advances and disapprove of the manner of his possession.

At the idea of confronting her parents and telling them she had finally found a husband, her whole body tensed.

What would they think of her choice? Esyllt would have no reason to question her decision as she didn’t really know Christopher, but Connor did.

The two men had lived side by side for years before he’d gone to live in Wales.

He might well have known about what Christopher had made Jane go through, and later, he would have heard all about his exploits with the womenfolk.

As if that were not enough, Matthew had told him about the incident with Elsie.

Even if the maid’s lie had since then been exposed, the fact remained.

He had bedded her, along with many others.

Would Connor give his blessing to a union with such a man? She had no idea.

Perhaps it would be best to go and see Christopher before she did anything—to confirm his intentions toward her. That way, she could face her parents with a clearer conscience. They could even go together, make it look as if the decision had been made of a common accord.

Yes, she decided as she plunged her aching body into the water a moment later. That was what she would do. Go to Throckmorton Castle and see Christopher.

Luck was with her. As she rode into the bailey, the first person she saw was Christopher himself. He’d been talking to one of his men by the barbican, but he dismissed him as soon as he saw her. He was at her side before she could dismount.

“We need to talk,” he said before running a hand through his hair. “About last night.”

“Yes,” Sian agreed. That was why she was here. Not to talk about last night but rather the future.

She jumped down from the saddle, expecting him to lead her to the main hall.

But instead of steering her that way, he took her back through the gate and into the lists.

She fought the unease invading her. It was as if he didn’t want to be seen in her company.

Why? When they married, she would be mistress of Throckmorton Castle.

There was no shame in having her around.

“You haven’t changed your mind about us marrying, have you?” she asked as soon as he’d come to a halt. Was that the reason for the secrecy? He didn’t want his people to see him with a woman who, ultimately, was to play no role in his life?

Christopher gave her a strange look, one that made his dark eye swirl and her insides ripple in response. “I wasn’t aware I had made up my mind to marry in the first place.”

Her stomach fell to her feet.

Indeed, up until last night, he’d had no intention of marrying her or, indeed, anyone, at least not yet.

She’d suspected as much, but she had forced his hand most shamefully.

And now that her mind was not cloudy with desire, she realized he had never actually said he would marry her.

She had simply taken his lack of refusal for an agreement because it was what she’d been desperate to believe.

What if she’d gotten it completely wrong and he had simply made the most of her willingness to be taken, ignoring her ridiculous statement that they would marry afterward?

His senses had been stirred; he’d been ready for a woman, having come to the meadow expecting to bed Mildred.

And fool that she was, she had pleasured him and then lain naked under him.

Had he just slaked his lust, knowing she would have no way of pressuring him into anything once it was over?

There certainly had been no formal betrothal, no announcement, no courtship even.

As far as everyone was concerned, they barely knew each other.

True, his reputation made it likely people would believe her if she claimed he had deflowered her, but if she added that they had agreed to get married afterward, they would dismiss her claim as wishful thinking or, worse, an outright lie.

It would be her word against his, and no one would believe Christopher Harrison had promised marriage to a woman like her.

“I … I don’t?—”

“Sian.” Christopher interrupted her and gave a sigh. “Of course I will marry you. I am not such a despicable rogue that I could deflower a lady and leave her to deal with the consequences alone. Surely, you must know that?”