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“Yes,” she said slowly. “The day we came to see my cousin Iorwerth for the first time when he was still a baby. I instantly fell in love with him and decided I wanted children of my own. Which, in my childish mind, meant only one thing. I had to get married. And later that day, you rode in through the gate, the perfect knight on his beautiful steed, like the answer to my prayers. It seemed like a sign. I could have dismissed it, of course, as the fanciful musings of a child, but every time I saw you after that, my resolve only grew, even if you ignored me. And then finally, this summer, I got to know you and understood you would be the perfect husband for me.”

His throat was awfully tight, but he found the strength to ask. “How so?”

He could not think of anyone less suited to the task at that moment. He seemed to have brought her only pain, and he knew he would never be able to offer her what she was entitled to.

She shrugged, a gesture he found oddly moving. “Because you see me. You like me and never make me feel inadequate, clumsy, or transparent.”

“That’s because you’re nothing of the sort! You’re the most intriguing person I’ve ever seen, the most generous soul, the most reckless rider, the most brazen lover. You are exceptional in every way. There is no one else like you.”

“You see, that’s exactly what I’m saying.” She gave a sad little smile. “A man who sees me like this can only be the perfect husband. He will make my life a happy one.”

Yes. Perhaps. Except she would never marry him since she already had a husband.

“Lord Cantle—” he stopped, not daring to ask the question, knowing it was disloyal.

“Is a good man but not the man I wanted,” Sian said in a whisper, braver than he was.

They stared at one another, not knowing what to say or do. Around them, the camp was awakening. Daylight was slowly returning and the stark reality of the situation with it. They each had a life to go back to. A life they had never asked for but had to accept nonetheless.

Sian took a step backward, knowing if she stayed too close to Christopher, she would end up in his arms.

“I have to go.”

She had to do more than return to Clearfield Hall. She had to leave the man she had never stopped loving and go back to the husband she should never have married.

Another sob escaped her lips.

It was all her fault. If only she had not rushed into a decision …

Had she waited but a few more weeks to exact her petty revenge on Christopher, the truth would have come out.

She would have found out he’d not abandoned her, never set out to trick her, and she would have been able to tell him she cared not about his loss of title.

Eventually, he would have had no choice but to believe her, and they would have ended up married, as planned all along.

Now, of course, that was out of the question.

Fate was cruel indeed.

“You’re not really cut then?” she asked, placing a hand over his left temple. When she had seen him tumble to the ground, she had almost fallen into a swoon. For a dreadful moment, she’d feared she would have to watch him die in front of her.

“No. I only pretended I was hurt to hide my face, especially Ellyll, who would have given me away.”

Oh. He remembered the name she had given his blue eye … It could mean only one thing. She was special to him. The weight in her chest became crushing. How was it possible that so much joy could cause someone so much pain?

“It was an inspired idea.”

“Aye.” He scoffed. “I should have thought of this earlier instead of going to the tent every time I wanted to eat or drink something the first two days. I don’t think I’ve ever been so thirsty in all my life.”

Sian’s heart almost stopped. He’d been one of the contenders fighting for their lives in the rain, stamping in the mud, avoiding dreadful blows? And all that time, she had allowed herself to relax, thinking he could not have been one of the knights in danger of being killed.

Shivers turned her skin to ice. “You mean … You were in the melee?”

“Yes.” He skewered her with a direct stare.

“Lord, have mercy. What was your weapon of— No, don’t tell me.” She didn’t want to have to imagine him with a mace in hand, facing an opponent swinging a flail at his head or thrusting a spear into his gut. She didn’t need to know. “Were you hurt?”

He shrugged. “Bruises everywhere, a few cuts, nothing more. ’Tis nothing.”

No. But it could have been something. And he had done it for her. He had put himself in danger for her. He had risked discovery and punishment for her. Even after their argument, when he’d thought her a horrid creature interested only in his fortune, he’d not been able to stay away. Why?

What was he hoping for?

“Why did you come?” she breathed, wanting to hear it from his mouth.

Christopher smiled to himself. Trust little Sian to pretend she didn’t know why he had come into her husband’s lair. As if there could be many reasons for him to pose as Alexander and risk punishment.

He decided to indulge her. After today, in all probability, they would never see each other again. He could be honest. “I had to see you.”

Even though she was married, he had not been able to stay away.

He’d had to see her one last time. But what would they do?

What could they do? She had found out he had never intended to trick her, and he had learned that marrying him had been a lifetime ambition of hers.

It was a relief to know everything between them had been real, but the result was the same. They could not be together.

Christopher covered Sian’s hand with his.

It was so small … His heart constricted.

“I had to see you, and I know it was a mistake, but I do not regret it. I cannot. Because now at least I know you would not have forsaken me had I given you the chance to choose whether to marry me or not. I should not have assumed you would prefer a prestigious husband.”

“No. I would never have forsaken you,” she breathed. “But what good does it do us to know it?”

None. And yet …

And yet, it changed everything. That she still wanted him in spite of his loss of title proved she truly wanted him , Christopher, not the prestige a union with Lord Ashton would have brought her.

No one had ever wanted him, not even his own father, the person who should have loved him most in the world.

And so, even if it did not make their current situation any easier to bear—quite the contrary—Christopher was grateful to Sian for telling him she wanted him no matter what. It was what he had needed to hear all his life.

“I will leave in the morning,” he murmured.

The rest of the sentence was left unsaid.

And we will never see one another again .