Page 32

Sian bit her lip. She had to admit that when he put it like that, it sounded ridiculous.

But Christopher was forgetting something.

He hadn’t been around to contradict the rumors.

And apart from her, everyone thought him a rogue; they had been all too ready to accept the worst of him.

As awful as it sounded, no one had questioned the possibility of him doing something so dishonorable.

“Well, who would make such an extraordinary declaration if it wasn’t true?

” she defended. Why would she have assumed the man was lying about something so enormous?

“This Thomas said he had all the proof we needed. And after he’d announced he was Lord Ashton, not you, I felt somewhat faint, so my father took me back to Sheridan Manor.

We could have gone back for explanations, true, but we didn’t, preferring to wait to hear it all from your own mouth.

But you weren’t anywhere to be found, and we had no idea whether we would see you again.

It did look as if you had fled and abandoned me despite your promises. ”

“So it’s my fault, is it?” he snarled.

“No!” She hadn’t meant it that way, but the pain she had felt at that moment came rushing back, making her dizzy.

The shock of being told Christopher had never been Lord Ashton and would likely never come back, of realizing she would never be able to find him again, had stunned her.

“But we had come to discuss a wedding between us. And yet you had vanished, to be replaced by someone else, who was, by all accounts, Lord Ashton. You have to see how it was for us, how it looked.”

“How it looked ? How about how it?—”

“And when you finally reappeared …” she carried on, now as incensed as he was.

She had made a mistake, but he was not exempt from blame.

That day by the river, he had not given her the chance to tell him she was ready to hear what had motivated the deceit, ready to forgive him.

“You didn’t offer any explanation as to your change of heart. You just told me we could not marry.”

“That’s because I thought you would understand my reasons, because I thought you knew I’d been stripped of my title and fortune!”

Disbelief made her stare at him. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Everything! When we agreed to get married, as Lord Ashton, I would have been able to offer you the life you wanted and deserve. Now, as plain Christopher Harrison, it is clear that I cannot.”

Sian’s head was spinning. The deluge of new, shocking information was hard to cope with.

Christopher had not abandoned her because he’d never wanted to marry her.

It was even worse than that; he’d rejected her because he thought she wanted the life of a rich, pampered noblewoman.

He’d assumed she would prefer being a lady to being his wife and acted accordingly.

He’d thrown their future together away before even speaking with her and asking her what she wanted.

“You think I only care about standing?” She could not hide the hurt in her voice. Didn’t he know her better than that?

“But of course you do, and why should you not? It is what you’re entitled to, have been raised to expect.

” He threw his hands up in the air. “And it’s not just about you, can’t you see?

Your family didn’t like me when I was a man of importance.

I doubt Lord Sheridan would have agreed to see his beloved daughter married to an impoverished knight who’d been stripped of his title and possessions and become a laughingstock. ”

“My father will always want what’s best for me. He will always want my happiness.” There was no doubt about that, and Sian wanted Christopher to stop worrying about what her father thought and concern himself more with what he had done, what she might be feeling after his betrayal.

He did not take the hint. “He did not seem too happy to see me every time we met. I can’t even say I blame him after the way I treated Jane and then Elsie, or so everyone thought.”

It was true that, at first, her father had been none too pleased to hear who she had selected as her husband.

Not only was he not well disposed toward the man who had made his daughter’s life a misery as a child, but Christopher’s extensive list of conquests had done nothing to help.

His supposed defection had been the last straw.

But Sian was confident her father would have listened to her had she explained what had actually happened in Kent and would have shared her dismay had he learned what Christopher had gone through.

Connor Hunter was nothing if not a fair man. He would have understood Christopher had never set out to trick her and that he’d not abandoned her, only done what he’d thought was best for her.

“You’re wrong about my father. When I told him I wanted to marry you, he accepted my decision because he trusts me.

” Besides, whatever else had happened, Christopher had earned his eternal gratitude by saving his daughters from drowning.

“He would have welcomed you as my husband had you shown him you wanted?—”

“It’s not about what I want! Jesus Christ, Sian, for once in my life, I’m actually trying to do the right thing! Can’t you see?” He yanked at his hair. “And I’m having my efforts rammed down my throat for my pains. But I had to protect you?—”

“Protect me from what? From you?” She could not stop the trembling in her voice.

“It’s too late for that. You could not hurt me any more than you already have by thinking I wanted your title more than I wanted you.

You cannot hurt me anymore, Christopher.

You’ve already taken my heart, my maidenhead, the life I’ve wanted from the age of nine! ”

When sobs choked her, she turned around and buried her face in her hands.

This was a catastrophe. They had been kept apart by a dreadful series of events.

And the worst of it was, they each had their own share of responsibility for it.

Christopher had assumed she was a mercenary creature, and she was furious with him for that, but she was not entirely blameless either.

She had not given him the benefit of the doubt, taking a stranger’s word that the man she loved was a usurper without question.

And as a result, she had married someone else.

This marriage had placed her out of his reach and he out of hers.

Even if she somehow managed to convince him she cared nothing about his loss of title, it was too late since she now belonged to another man.

It was all over.

Unable to cope with the scale of the disaster, she ran out of the tent.

The life I’ve wanted from the age of nine.

Once the shock of her words had dissipated, Christopher rushed after Sian.

She couldn’t leave, not now, not like this.

He’d just found out that, contrary to what he’d thought, she had not married Lord Cantle out of greed but because her heart had been broken.

Not knowing what had happened in Kent, she’d thought the man who’d agreed to marry her had tricked and abandoned her, safe in the knowledge he would never be made accountable for his actions.

They had to talk. After such a revelation, they could not part as enemies.

Outside the tent, the darkness was almost complete. Fortunately, the fair hair flowing behind Sian made it easy to spot her because he knew that even if he shouted at her to wait, she wouldn’t stop.

He caught up with her easily and imprisoned her in his hold. “Sian.”

“No! Let me go. We cannot be seen together thus,” she whimpered when he buried his face in her hair. She was right; they could not be seen in such a compromising position, but he could not seem to let her go. She was so warm, she smelled so good, she fit so perfectly in his embrace.

“Then come back to my tent. This conversation is not over.” There was too much still unsaid, so much he needed to understand. She couldn’t leave yet. “Please. Come.”

She stopped struggling. Seizing her by the elbow, he nudged her forward. At first, he thought she would resist, refuse to comply. Eventually, she followed him.

Once the flap of the tent was secured back into place and no one could see them, Christopher placed himself in front of Sian and frowned.

Had she always been so small? Yes but not so frail.

He knew she was on the slender side, but earlier, when he’d had her in his arms, he’d been shocked to feel her so slight.

She had lost weight since the summer. In other words, since she’d thought he’d lied about his true identity, amused himself with her as he had with his other conquests, and then wilfully abandoned her.

Dear God.

Not knowing what to say, he started to undo the ridiculous bandage covering his left eye. He needed to be in front of her as himself after she’d accused him of being ashamed of who he was. He was not ashamed, not with her.

“Sian. Look at me.” Her eyes were full of tears when she finally obeyed—tears he wanted to wipe or, even better, lick away. “Did you say you’ve wanted to marry me since the age of nine?”

The age of nine, when she had named his eyes, when she had planted a tree in the clearing.

It all made sense suddenly. She had wanted him all that time.

All her life. Or as near as. She had forced his hand that day in the clearing because she’d wanted him , not his title.

She had not knelt at his feet because she’d wanted to trap him.

She had not asked him to marry her because he’d taken her maidenhead.

Their frantic coupling had not been an inexplicable impulse.

She had made love to him because she had wanted to for years.