Page 19 of A Loving Governess in Disguise

Chapter 19

It had been a difficult conversation.

“Euterpe, this is insanity!” Charlotte protested. “There has to be something more we can do. You cannot marry this man.”

“I do not want you to tell me why I should not do this. I have already thought of every reason. It does not matter. This is what must be done, whether we like it or not.”

Eloise was sitting in the corner of the parlour in silence, not looking in their direction.

“Very well.” Charlotte nodded. “If you insist, but you shall always regret this.”

“I know. Regardless, I will be leaving tomorrow, and so we can at least enjoy our final day together.”

At last, Eloise rose from her seat.

“I need to tell you something,” she said nervously.

“Is it about yourself and Charles?” Euterpe asked.

“No, it is about Emma. She left early this morning for the town and has yet to return.”

“What?” Charlotte asked. “She is under strict instruction not to leave for her own safety. Why has she done that?”

“I … I may or may not have asked her to.”

“Eloise!” Euterpe snapped. “What could possibly have been so important?”

“It wasn’t important at all. That is why I feel so terrible. I simply mentioned that I wanted apples, and when she looked for some, she was told there were none left. When she explained that to me, I asked her to go and fetch some, but I did not mean it completely. They are simply one of my favourites. I feel like such a fool.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Charlotte asked.

“Because I was hoping she would return. I thought she would simply be away a short while and then come back, and all would be well. Then, time continued to pass, and now …”

“Now, she could be anywhere,” Euterpe nodded. “Then again, it is not as though she is familiar with this town. She may simply have lost her way. We mustn’t think of the worst possible outcome yet.”

Charlotte nodded, leaving to find Theodore and tell him what had happened.

Euterpe turned to see Eloise standing completely still, holding back tears.

“You must hate me,” she whispered. “After what I have done, it is only fair.”

“I do not hate you,” Euterpe sighed, walking towards her sister and guiding her to the settee. “I am angry with you, but I do not hate you. I simply wish you had come to me first rather than disappearing, but I have already told you that. We need not discuss it again.”

“I would like that. I want us to move forward, Euterpe.”

“I would have liked that, too, if it were possible, but it is not. It is more than likely that when I am married, I will be forbidden from seeing you.”

“He cannot do that! I am your sister.”

“Yes, my sister who ran away and eloped. If he chooses to forbid us from meeting, I can hardly argue with him.”

Eloise pouted, clearly frustrated at the gravity of what she had done.

“You do not have to marry him. Mother and Father will not allow it if you are truly unhappy.”

“They do not believe we have any other choice. Besides, with how much work the Duke of Somerset is doing to find me, I doubt he will now simply call off the arrangement.”

“But–”

“This is how it is, Eloise. Please let the matter rest. We must find Emma, and then we will leave. That is how it must be.”

***

Eloise was furious with herself, but she could no longer do a single thing about it.

She hadn’t wanted any of the mess that had resulted from her decision, but then it wasn’t as though she had thought that any of it would happen. She had simply thought that … well, she had not been thinking at all.

All Eloise had known when she ran away was that she was in love and that her family did not support the match. Charles was a good man, and she had been so grateful to have stumbled into him in the park one day, even more so that nobody had noticed.

Two-and-twenty, black hair and the most beautiful eyes of brown she had ever seen. She had fallen for him in an instant, and part of her hoped that he would not reciprocate such affection so that she would not have to feel the difficulty his liking her could bring.

Even so, when he fell for her in return, she felt she was the luckiest girl in all of England. He was kind and intelligent, a lawyer who would one day make his fortune. There was more to him than any man in the ton, and even though Eloise had her pick of any other, she did not care. She wanted him.

It had begun with letters, which she had taken with her when she left. They were beautiful declarations, with the odd scattered apology about how they could never be together that she decided to ignore. She did not want to hear all the ways they could never be with one another, only that their love would somehow find a way.

They saw one another again a month after they had first met. Thankfully, it was a warm month, so they frequently went to the park. Unfortunately, she was constantly under her sister’s watchful eye and, therefore, found difficulty in separating from her.

“You seem out of sorts,” Euterpe said gently as they watched people promenade. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, quite. I am simply enjoying watching the ton. It is a fickle thing, is it not?”

Euterpe sat back, resting on her hands. Eloise, however, remained upright, searching for a man who had promised her he would be there. She looked for the same black hair that had caught her eye and the same eyes she had thought about constantly since they had met.

“I suppose it is,” Euterpe replied, “but it is for the best. It is thanks to all the rules that we will find you a good match.”

“And what of you?”

“I will … find a match for myself eventually. I am not as important as you.”

“Euterpe, how is it that you are not even twenty, yet you speak of yourself as though you are an old maid?”

“Because, after helping to raise you, I feel like one.”

They both laughed, but then Eloise paused. There he was, her Charles, wandering the pathway and looking side to side as if searching. She wanted him to find her, but she also knew she would have to be alone when he did. It would be impossible to explain to her sister, as though she was understanding, she was not one to deviate from their expectations.

“I shall return in just a moment,” she said quickly. “I wish to ask Mama something.”

“I will come with you–”

“There is no need. I shall only be a moment.”

She jumped to her feet and quickly surveyed the area. Nearby, there was a small forest, which was fortunately in the direction of her mother. Their parents had scattered to see their friends, and so it was certain they would not be looking at her. She snaked her way carefully among the trees, but not before catching Charles’ eye and signalling to him to follow her.

She pressed her back against a tree, taking short and shallow breaths. Then, she heard the crunch of grass behind her, and there he was.

“Charles!” she exclaimed. “Finally, I can see you again.”

“It is so nice to see you at last,” he said kindly. “How are you?”

“I am well now. It has been difficult being away from you, but there is no need to dwell on that now.”

“Indeed. Did you happen to find the book I was telling you about?”

“The botany one? I did! It just so happened that we had it in our library. It was quite the challenge trying to explain to my sister why I had taken a sudden interest in the subject, but she accepted that I am simply trying to broaden my horizons.”

“What did you think of it?”

“I was fascinated. I have never cared much for plants, but my mind has completely changed. Did you find the one I suggested to you?”

“Not as yet. I hadn’t expected to face difficulty in finding a romance story, but I am. Can you believe that?”

“Oh, it is very well-liked. You need only ask your mother. I am certain that she will have it.”

“And how do you propose I explain to her that I want to read a love story?”

Eloise paused, looking at him with confusion on her face.

“Does she … not know about me?”

“Does your mother know about me?” he asked in response.

“It isn’t the same. My mother would be furious; yours would be pleased. At least, I would hope that to be the case.”

“Are you trying to say that your mother will never know about the rank commoner that you are enjoying the company of?”

His words were biting, but his face was jovial, clearly only saying such things in jest.

“I will tell her eventually. There will not be much that she can do, after all. Once I am of age, she will not be able to stop me from doing anything I please, including marrying whomever I choose.”

His face fell at that.

“What is it?” she asked, trying not to tremble.

“Do you truly wish to marry me?”

“I do.”

“But I cannot provide you the life you deserve.”

She groaned, tilting her head against the tree and looking at the sky. She tried to make shapes from the clouds for a moment to keep herself steady.

“I do not want a life of luxury or anything of the sort. There is an expectation that I will find the wealthiest gentleman with the highest title and do what I must to marry him, but that has never been what I wanted. I want to marry for love, and I–”

It was too soon to say it, but she so badly wanted to.

“If that is the case, then tell your mother and father about me. Should they refuse, and this is truly what you want, then we will decide what to do afterwards. You told me in your letters that they are good people, so surely they will understand.”

Eloise wanted to believe him and believe that all would end well and soon enough she would be known as Eloise Atkins, but there was a feeling of dread in her that refused to subside.

She had reason to fear telling her family, of course. The match was forbidden in an instant, leaving her no choice but to disappear. She had already disappointed them beyond repair, she decided, and so it wasn’t as though she could make it any worse.

Her only regret was that she could not say goodbye to her sister, as Euterpe would know exactly what to say to change her mind, and Eloise refused to have it changed. She wanted Charles and needed him, so she slipped out of the house in the middle of the night, stole a horse, and headed to Cambridge as well as she could.

It was a difficult journey, and she had to ask over and over for directions, but in the end, she made it to Charles’ home. It was small but homely and on the outskirts of the town. He had a household of his own rather than having a mere room. She fell for it at once, already seeing herself spending her life there.

Charles, of course, had not expected her to appear at his door in the early hours of the morning. He did not even greet her, instead pulling her in the door.

“They did not accept the match, then?”

“No. Regardless, I do not care. I am here now, and we can finally marry. We could go now if you wish. It would be a long journey to Gretna Green, but we will be fine.”

“I cannot yet. I must finish my studies before leaving for so long.”

Eloise felt her hope leaving her. She knew it was childish to want everything then and there, but she did regardless. She wanted to be his wife, whether he was a lawyer yet or not. He took her into his arms, her head pressed into his chest.

“Soon,” he promised. “For now, we might be better off helping you match Cambridge rather than the ton.”

Eloise nodded, and within the week, they had sold all her more expensive possessions and replaced them with simpler things. She did not care at all, for even though she enjoyed wearing beautiful gowns, she received far more happiness with her new life. Etiquette was not as important, and the people she met were kinder. It was a dream, one that she had wanted for so long.

Then she realized just how much she missed Euterpe, and the dream faded. It had been a quick decision to write to Charlotte, but it had changed everything. It had meant telling Euterpe where she was, only for her to then have to go into hiding because of what was happening to Euterpe, and it was all her fault.

She had been a terrible sister and wouldn’t even have to suffer the consequences. Instead, her wonderful sister would.

She stopped thinking about what had led her to that moment, sitting in the drawing room and focusing on what they would do next.

“I must go to Somerset,” Euterpe explained, “and marry the duke.”

“You will not be going alone,” Eloise promised. “You shall have the three of us, too.”

“That will not be necessary.”

“But it will. Euterpe, I have done so much harm to you. Please, let me do this and help you. Even if we cannot stop this, we can at least make it easier.”

Her sister smiled weakly at her, and Eloise took that as an agreement. She embraced her tightly, a small understanding forming between them, but Charlotte’s appearance in the doorway made the moment vanish completely. She was holding a small note in her hand, which was shaking.

“Charlotte?” Euterpe asked. “What is it?”

Wordlessly, Charlotte gave the note to her and stood frozen in place. Euterpe gasped in turn, her face turning pale.

“What?” Eloise asked, and at last, the note was handed to her.

“If you wish to find your maid alive, do what you should have done long ago.”