Page 12 of A Loving Governess in Disguise

Chapter 12

Edward thought that if he had to hear one more of Miss Victoria’s achievements, it would be better to jump out of a top-floor window. It would be less painful, at least.

Theodore had arrived with them with a smile as though doing him a favour, but Edward had not asked him to do so. He had especially not wanted to see her that morning, as he had intended to speak with Miss Pembroke and truly apologize for what had transpired the previous night. He certainly did not wish to take tea with some pretty but arrogant young lady and her less pretty and more arrogant mother.

“I shall not bore you with the possibility that this could be a love match,” Lady Wilkinson said after a while. “My daughter is aware of this, too. However, we are a realistic family, and we know what marriage truly is.”

“Ah, yes?” Edward asked. “What might that be?”

“A partnership.” Miss Victoria smiled. “You and I both know that true love matches do not occur, so it is wiser for us to accept that we are perfectly matched in other aspects.”

“And what might those be?” he asked, looking at his tea rather than the lady sitting in front of him.

Theodore nudged him sharply.

“For one, I am the jewel of the ton,” she replied, unfazed by how absent-minded he was. “I am also, according to the queen herself, deserving of only the finest things. She has a nephew, and she even mentioned that she should bring him to London to meet me.”

“Then you should meet him. He would be a better catch than a mere duke, yes?”

“Yes, but he is not in London. He is not where I am, either. You, on the other hand, are with me right now. You are seeking a wife, according to your friend, and I would be a wonderful one. Isn’t that right, Mama?”

“The very best, dearest.”

They were insufferable.

“But it is not only myself that I am talking about,” Miss Victoria continued. “I am very selfless. You are a wonderful catch, Your Grace. I have never met a man so handsome that had such a commanding presence.”

“And I have never met a lady so brazen,” he replied firmly.

Granted, Miss Pembroke gave her a run for her money in that respect, as he had (albeit accidentally) seen her in her nightgown and nothing more and had her speak to him quite ferociously, but she was not a lady. Miss Victoria, however, should have been raised to possess a few more airs and graces than she seemed to.

“It is good for a lady to know what she wants.” Lady Wilkinson nodded. “I cannot bear the thought of my daughter not finding happiness simply because she did not wish to search for it.”

“I would make you very happy, Your Grace.”

“What would make me very happy is the two of you taking your leave. I thank you for your visit, but I am afraid I simply have too much to do today.”

That was a lie, but he had to be rid of the two of them. He did not like the girl, nor was he fond of her mother. They seemed very certain that he had no other options but her, as she was far and away above any other young lady in the ton.

There was that thought of Miss Pembroke again. He wished, more than anything, that she was a member of the ton. It would have been so easy; Ella was fond of her, and though they had a promise that he would not marry her governess, she would forgive him eventually, would she not?

But Miss Pembroke was not a member of the ton, no matter how well she would have fit in. Her voice was the same as those in high society, and she had too much knowledge of etiquette to be a mere commoner as far as he was concerned, but it was the truth. He could not have her, and so he had to consider other prospects.

Regardless, such prospects would not include Miss Victoria. He would rather lose his title altogether.

At last, they seemed to understand him and took their leave, muttering to each other about him being a fool, blind to what a precious gift was in front of him. Theodore chuckled once they were gone.

“Good morning,” he said, smiling. “You certainly seem very happy this morning.”

“Theodore, what on earth are you playing at?”

Theodore furrowed his brow in confusion.

“I thought you were searching for a wife? Miss Victoria is not only beautiful, but she is the most sought-after lady in the ton.”

“I know. She and her mother went to great lengths to explain that to me.”

“She is also wealthy and of aristocratic descent. Her family lineage is spotless, and it is no wonder that the Wilkinsons expect a good match for her.”

“She will find a good husband, of that there is no question. My concern is that they seem very set on that husband being me, and I cannot do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because it isn’t fair.”

He had said it in a harsher tone than intended. The two gentlemen sat in silence for a moment, neither knowing quite what to say.

“I understand that it seems unfair to you, but–”

“Not only is it unfair to me, but it is not good for the girl. She may be perfectly happy to have a husband who has no love for her, but I cannot do that. It is not who I am.”

“You may grow to love her?” Theodore suggested. “She is nine-and-ten years old, so she is bound to be girlish, but she will grow. Truly, Edward, I do not think there is a better lady for you.”

“And what if there is? What if the reason I could never fall for Miss Victoria is that there is another that has already captured my affection.”

“Edward, I understand that Ella will not be best pleased to share your affection, but she will have to relent eventually.”

Edward laughed emptily, standing up and pacing the floor. He hated arguing with his friend, but he had entirely misunderstood his predicament. Of course, Ella would be furious, but she would have to accept it in time. The issue was who he had fallen for, and Theodore wouldn’t know a thing about that.

“When do you plan to marry?” he asked, trying to push the focus off himself.

“When I meet a lady that pleases me. I have no title to pass on, so it is less important for me.”

“It is your duty regardless. Why don’t you do what is expected of you before pushing me to do so?”

“Because you have changed of late. You were not interested in any of this before, and suddenly you are. I am only trying to help you do what is necessary.”

Edward sighed, sitting back down and putting his head in his hands.

“I know,” he nodded. “I know I am being difficult, but it is only because I am at a loss. There is nothing that I can possibly do to remedy this situation, no matter how many titles I have and how much wealth I have accumulated.”

“Then share your burden with me. I may be able to provide some assistance.”

He looked at his friend, the one true friend he had ever had, and willed himself to trust him. He had never given him any reason not to and had only ever shown him complete loyalty, but his issue was completely absurd. He should have known better than to allow himself to fall for someone he could never have, and he would never be the sort to force a lady’s hand.

“What if,” Edward began, “you could have everything you want, easily at that, but there was this one thing you couldn’t attain? It isn’t your fault that you cannot have it, and there is nothing you can do to change it.”

“That depends entirely on the matter itself. If you cannot have it, why not? If you cannot change it, why not?”

“Because of rules that you did not make. Theodore, I– I seem to be falling for a lady. I tried so hard not to, but I cannot help myself. She has no title to speak of, and I must admit that I know hardly anything about her past as she refuses to divulge it, but there is something about her. I like being near her, and when I am not, I crave being there. I want to know everything about her, even if she keeps it from me.”

It all came out of him so suddenly, and he froze momentarily. He thought all those things about Miss Pembroke, and he felt like such a fool. That was why he couldn’t allow her to dance with other suitors. That was why he refused each offer he had received about her. He did not want any of them to have a chance with her because he wanted her for himself.

He hated himself for that. It was every bit as selfish and arrogant as he thought the Wilkinsons to be. He had no right to dictate her choices, yet he had done so without thought. He hated that he had done it, and he considered writing to the gentlemen again to apologize, but even then, he knew he didn’t want to. He wanted Miss Pembroke.

“I am pleased you have finally confessed this to me,” Theodore replied at last.

“What do you mean?”

“Edward, it is evident to anyone who knows you that these changes have only occurred since Miss Pembroke’s arrival.”

“I thought I had hidden it well.”

“You did not.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I have been left to wallow in all this needlessly.”

“Yes, which should teach you to come to your friend when you have feelings for a lady. Now that I know, I can help you. Remember this.”

Edward chuckled, thankful for his friend’s support, but his laughter quickly faded. He could have all the support in the world, but it did not change anything.

“What exactly shall I do, then?” he asked. “What is this great and brilliant idea you have conjured up in your mind to save me from eternal loneliness?”

Theodore thought for a moment, tapping his foot against the floor.

“I do not know.”

“Precisely!”

“However,” he continued, “that is not to say that you have no other options. Might I take Miss Pembroke out with me this afternoon?”

“Ella will have her music lessons then, so I suppose it wouldn’t do any harm. Why?”

“You shall have to trust me.”

“I do, but I can still know why you are doing this.”

“Not yet, you cannot. I shall explain later.”

With that, Theodore left. Edward sighed deeply. It was not yet lunch, and already enough had happened that he wished to go to bed.

However, he had a real apology to make, and given that she was to leave that afternoon, he had to do it quickly.

He ran out into the gardens and plucked a few flowers. He was not adept with flower language but knew what was pretty and what was not. He hastily turned them into a bunch, though he would rather have had a bouquet, and went to the room where Ella did her studies. He knocked, and Miss Pembroke answered.

She looked quite tired from the previous night, but even so, she looked lovely. He did not dare say as much, but with the flowers pressed behind his back, he asked her to step outside with him.

“We shall have to take a short walk away,” she whispered. “Ella can hear everything otherwise, and I do not want her to– one moment.”

She set off down the hallway briskly, and he followed after her. Once they were a safe distance away, she continued.

“I do not think it is wise for Ella to know what happened at the ball,” she explained. “She was excited for me to attend, but if she were to learn that we danced with one another, she would never forgive us.”

“I agree. I– well– these are for you.”

He had never stammered because of a lady before and was positively mortified. He pulled the flowers from behind his back, and though they were not perfect, he was quite happy with them. He noticed how Miss Pembroke’s eyes lit up at the sight of them, all signs of weariness disappearing for a moment.

“Your Grace,” she gasped, “there is no need to do that. You found these yourself, didn’t you?”

“Is my shoddy craftsmanship that evident?”

She laughed softly, a sweet sound that rang out through the hall.

“Not at all. They are lovely.”

“I want to apologize for what I did. It was unfair of me and incredibly selfish.”

“Selfish?”

He panicked at that.

“What I mean is, you may be courted by whomever you choose. I should not have a say in it, and it was unfair of me to think otherwise.”

She seemed disappointed by that, and it devastated Edward. Yes, he was pleased with the faint sign that she might reciprocate his feelings, but he knew better than to think it would have made a difference. He scolded himself. Flowers were a romantic gesture, one for ladies that a gentleman felt strongly for.

It was true, of course, but that did not help.

“I accept your apology,” she nodded, her smile returning. “Did you enjoy your morning?”

He grimaced, which made her giggle.

“I shall never forgive Theodore for that. I do not know what made him think I could hold a candle for her.”

“You danced with her twice.”

“I did, which was yet another mistake of mine. She seems to think that I wish to marry her.”

“And do you … not?”

“Not at all. She is pretty, but if that is one’s only trait, then there will be issues when that fades. I do not want pretty; I want beautiful.”

As he looked into her eyes, he hoped that she would understand what he meant. It was his turn to be brazen, and though it destroyed him to know that their circumstances would not change, he wanted her at least to know.

“Theodore is taking you somewhere this afternoon,” he said eventually.

“Oh? That sounds lovely. Where will I be going?”

“I do not know. He refused to tell me.”

And though he did not know what it could possibly have meant, he liked that she seemed to light up at that.