Page 15 of A Loving Governess in Disguise
Chapter 15
Edward knew that sending Miss Pembroke with Theodore for the afternoon had the potential for trouble, but he hadn’t expected what happened upon her return.
She was silent, not acknowledging him and going straight to Ella. He wanted to follow after her as he saw the state of her dress, but given that she had so hastily passed him by, he decided not to press her. Instead, he stepped outside to ask Theodore what had happened, but his carriage was already pulling away.
Something had to have happened between the two of them, but Edward could not think for the life of him what it could have been. The stains were a warning, he considered, but Theodore was a gentleman who would never do anything untoward with a lady, especially not one he knew his friend had affection for.
Edward did, he realized, hold a lot of affection for Miss Pembroke, but she seemed to make it as difficult as possible to do so.
Perhaps she had slipped and was rushing past him out of embarrassment? That made the most sense to him, but even then, that did not explain Theodore’s hasty exit. Regardless, he had to do something to occupy himself while Miss Pembroke calmed down.
But the following morning, she was not at breakfast. Edward had come down specially, having avoided it for the most part, but he was greeted only by Ella, who ate her toast with a smile.
“Good morning, Uncle,” she greeted sweetly. “Will you be joining me today?”
“I will indeed.” He smiled back, taking the closest seat to her. “Will Miss Pembroke be coming, do you know?”
“I do not believe so. She seemed unwell, perhaps with the same illness as Mrs Ponton.”
“Was she unwell? She did not seem it.”
“In any case, she was out of sorts. I do hope she is alright.”
“As do I, Ella. Aside from that, have you any plans for today?”
“Well, Miss Pembroke should be helping me with arithmetic this morning, but as she is unwell, I was wondering if we might go to town?”
There was that question again, the one he feared the most. It was no secret that he had become something of a recluse since his sister’s death. At first, it had been out of grief, but eventually, it simply became a fear of riding in carriages. That was all that his sister and his brother-in-law had to do, and it had killed them.
He did not care so much for the consequences to his own life, but when it came to his niece, he simply could not justify it. Yes, he considered, she was practically a prisoner in her own home, but it was not so bad. She had vast gardens to explore and an estate that she could wander to her heart’s content so long as she did not touch a road. She was a very fortunate little girl, even if it was all rather unconventional.
“I am afraid I must work today,” he lied, seeing the immediate disappointment on her face.
“But you are always working. I hardly ever see you.”
“You can see me right now, can you not? I have not suddenly become an intangible being, have I?”
He imitated being able to see through his own hand, which he had placed in front of his face, and feigned shock and horror, much to his niece’s delight.
“Yes, I can see you,” she said, giggling before sighing, “but I know you are only here to see Miss Pembroke.”
“That isn’t true. I only asked after her because you were here alone.”
“I suppose. Might you know what is wrong with her?”
“No, I do not. I will be asking Mr Swanson when he visits, as I did not have a chance to do so yesterday. He left before I could see him.”
“You don’t suppose they wish to marry one another, do you?” Ella asked. “I certainly hope they do not. I like Miss Pembroke and Mister Swanson, but I do not want her to leave, and marrying him would mean that, wouldn’t it?”
“There is no need to question such things because they will not be marrying.” He laughed, but there was a pang of jealousy in his chest.
The knowledge that something was wrong with Miss Pembroke pained him, and it was made even worse by the fact that she seemed completely unwilling to tell him what was ailing her. They had formed a connection, a friendship, and he had truly begun to consider her as something more than an employee, more than even a friend, though he did not dare admit it openly.
He did not want her to suffer, especially not alone. He had to see her, even if she did not want him to. There was, he decided, nothing that she could say that would make him not want to help her, not when she was so lovely.
And so, after he had broken his fast with Ella, he sent her off to pick Miss Pembroke some flowers, and he went to her room. He knocked, but there was no response. He knocked again, only to once more be met with silence.
“Miss Pembroke?” he called. “I know you are in there. Nobody has seen you today except Ella. Are you alright?”
He paused for a moment, and at last, he heard rustling inside. His heart leapt, knowing that she was alright, at least enough to open her door. When she finally did so, however, she looked at him with fury.
“Miss Pembroke!” he gasped. “Is– is everything alright?”
“I have nothing to say to you,” she replied, trying to push past him.
However, he was easily twice her size, so he blocked her. She groaned, folding her arms and looking at him sharply.
“I do not know what I have done,” he said gently, “but I would much rather know so that I can apologize.”
“You have already apologized, Your Grace, and I accepted it.”
“Wonderful, so there is no issue between us?”
“I did not say that.”
He looked past her fury and gestured towards the room. With another groan, she stepped back and allowed him entry. He closed the door behind him and watched her take a seat, taking deep breaths as she did so.
“Miss Pembroke, I–”
“Why did you do it?”
She was glaring at him, the accusation thick in the air. He wished he knew what she was referring to, but though he racked his brain, all he could think of was making her a governess in the first place, and it was evident why he had done that. Besides, it would never have warranted her anger.
He looked at her blankly, and it made her laugh, but it was not the sweet and bright tone he was accustomed to. It was dark and empty.
“Allow me to explain,” she continued. “Mr Swanson and I were in town yesterday, as you know, and he and I came across two gentlemen. Mr Bramston and Mr Hedgely. You may recall their names, as you had invited them to the ball.”
Edward thought back to the ball and tried to remember them, but there had been so many guests that night that he had simply lost track.
“Well, if you do not remember them from the ball,” she sighed, “you may remember their calling cards.”
With that, he knew precisely what he had done, and he was frantic.
He had only just apologized to her when he had done it. They had discussed it, and he had promised not to do it again, only to break that promise mere hours later. He had no excuses for it, either, only that he did not want to lose her, but that was a selfish reason and not one that she would accept.
“Miss Pembroke, I know what I did was wrong, but you must understand that I–”
“Oh, I must understand, is that right? I must simply smile and thank you for not allowing me to find happiness. How grateful I am, truly, that you are willing to be the one to put an end to any possible courtships before they even begin. Not every lady is afforded such fortunes, of course.”
“It was not like that.”
“No, it wasn’t. It was simply because you did not want the inconvenience of possibly having to find another governess, wasn’t it? You have been through so many, and your niece needs me, and so without even thinking to ask me what I wanted, you decided to choose for me.”
“Miss Pembroke, if you wish to have me revoke my refusal and have one of them court you, it can be arranged.”
“I do not want them to court me!” she snapped. “That is not why I am angry– no, furious, with you. I am like this because you did not care about my feelings. I would likely have refused them myself, but the fact that you did not even allow me that luxury …”
He couldn’t have been more miserable or angrier with himself, but he had to admit that her saying she would have refused the gentlemen regardless did give him hope. Of what, he was uncertain, but it was hope, nonetheless.
Miss Pembroke was beautiful when she was angry. She was beautiful when she was upset and when she was happy. He was very taken with her, and he always had been, and the fact that he had caused her so much pain was devastating, but he wanted to apologize properly, and he couldn’t do that when she was so hostile towards him.
“I never have choices of my own,” she whispered. “Never once have I been able to do something simply because I wanted to. It has only served my family, you, or Isabella. I do not mind, or at least I try not to, but after all these years, it has become exhausting.”
“Miss Pembroke, it is your life. You may choose what you do with it.”
“Do you honestly believe that?” she asked. “I do not have choices. I have the best thing I can do for those around me and nothing else. We are not all dukes with estates and power. Some of us merely do what we must and no more. I understand that, and that is why I never complain, but when I feel as though I may actually be able to change my situation, and somebody steps in my way– somebody who shall never know how I feel, it makes me furious.”
“And you have every right to be,” he replied. “Miss Pembroke, I cannot tell you how sorry I am. I was not thinking, and that is a pitiful excuse, and I do not expect you to accept it, but it is the truth. I did not want to lose you, and so I did the first thing that came to mind and sent all those responses away without taking a moment to wonder whether it was truly for your benefit.”
“Well, you may ask yourself now. Do you think it would have?”
Edward thought of all the rakes at the ball that night, gentlemen who likely saw a new lady and thought they could take what they wanted from her.
He thought of how, given how wealthy some of them were, she might have felt as though her hands were tied, and to help her family, she had to marry one of them and have them live more comfortably, whether she was happy or not. Once again, as she had said, she may not have done what she wanted and simply did what she felt was right for her family.
But at least then, the choice would have been her own.
“Well,” he asked, “what do you think? Would you have liked to be courted by any of them?”
At last, she softened.
“In all honesty, no,” she confessed. “I did not know any of them, and in truth, I did not find any of them particularly pleasing. I suppose I merely wanted the choice, and now you are allowing me to make one, I do not want any of it.”
“Good, then it is what you have chosen. Should you change your mind, I will remedy the situation.”
There was still sadness in her eyes. There had been since the day they met, not that he could ever understand why, and it was not as though she was open and willing to tell him. It didn’t make any sense at all.
“Miss Pembroke,” he continued. “Truly, I am pleased that you are here. It is not only because my niece is fond of you but because I– well, I cannot hide the fact that I have developed quite the fondness for you, too.”
She smiled softly at him, and he could see this time it was genuine.
“I do so love my life here, even if there have been difficulties. I am well taken care of. Perhaps too well, in your case?”
Edward laughed. She could be playful when she wanted.
“Shall I tell Ella that you are recovered?” he suggested. “She would like to practice her arithmetic.”
“Certainly, Your Grace. I shall be with her soon.”
He nodded, taking his leave to return to Ella. As he stepped out into the main hall, however, his butler stopped him, a handful of letters on a silver tray. Edward looked at them in half-amazement, for they could not have been for him. He never received much correspondence, and the only person in his house that did seemed to be Miss Pembroke.
He was not going to make the same mistake a third time.
“They will be for the governess,” he explained. “Take them to her in an hour. She shall be with Miss Isabella in the classroom.”
The butler nodded and went on his way. Edward’s heart quickened, wondering if these were even more calling cards. Miss Pembroke had said herself that she was not too fond of any of the gentlemen, but what if something changed? What if, now that she had permission, she took the opportunity, met a gentleman, and fell for him?
He went to his study, trying to find some comfort in the darkened room, but it did not work. He could think only of Miss Pembroke, plagued by the idea that she might leave. He hated it, hated that she permeated his thoughts so easily, because he had never fallen for a woman before, and that was precisely what had happened.
He, the Duke of Cambridge, had fallen for his governess.