Page 18 of A Loving Governess in Disguise

Chapter 18

“Miss Pembroke, please,” Ella cried. “Don’t go. Whatever it is that I have done, I am sorry. I will never do it again; just please do not leave.”

Edward felt his heart shatter into pieces as he watched his niece cling to her governess, showing immense strength as she pulled her back.

“You have done nothing wrong, I assure you,” Miss Pembroke promised her, lifting her into her arms. “I do not want to go, but I must.”

“If you want to stay, then stay. I do not want you to leave. This isn’t fair. I didn’t do anything wrong this time.”

She was pouting, crying, and screaming, and nothing that he did would make it stop. Once again, she was being left behind by someone she had believed would care for her. He knew it would happen one day, especially if Miss Pembroke found a suitor, but he had not expected it to be so soon, and certainly not without an explanation.

It was the one thing that he wanted from her, but she did not give one. She simply had to leave, and that was that. It did not matter that he needed her to stay, nor that Ella would likely never allow herself to form an attachment to anyone again, as she had to go. He wanted to follow his niece, apologize, and beg her to reconsider, but he could not do that. He had to be the adult, so he pried Ella from her arms and told her to go to her room.

She stamped her foot, glaring at him as if it were his fault, and then stormed away. She did not look back.

“I truly am sorry,” Miss Pembroke whispered. “I do not want her to be hurt like this.”

“That is hard to believe when you are doing this. Why would you tell her the morning you plan to abandon her? Abandon us? Did you not think it would be wise to give her time to prepare?”

“If I had time to do so, I would have. This was a very quick decision that I have had to make. Please, you must understand that I would never have done this if it were not necessary.”

“In that case, when did you come to this decision?”

He watched as she bit her lip, turning to look at the carriage that was waiting for her.

“The day before last, Your Grace.”

“So you could have given her that much warning.”

“I couldn’t. I needed one more day, and I want to believe she would have preferred it that way, too.”

“Yes, well, you will not have to concern yourself with that, will you? You can simply leave her with me, and I can help her through it all over again. How thoughtful of you.”

He could hear the cruelty in his voice, thick and choking. He hated that he was spending their final moments together in such anger, but it was all he could muster. He did not want to need her, but he did. He needed her to care for Ella because the house had not felt like a home until she entered it. When she left, it would simply be a house once more, and he would hate it, for he had so loved living in a home.

“I cannot tell you how sorry I am,” she whispered. “There is nothing more I can say. If there had been some way to avoid this, I would have done it.”

“What are you trying to avoid? Miss Pembroke, why are you leaving?”

She smiled sadly, shaking her head.

“I cannot tell you. I do not have the time, not when every moment counts.”

“Please.”

He felt pathetic, begging her the way he was, but he wanted answers that she was refusing to give, which was infuriating. He knew that his pride was getting in the way and that he was being colder to her than she deserved, but he couldn’t stop himself. He was angry and lost, and he wanted her to know that.

She gave him a final look, eyes longing as if she wanted something from him that he could not give her, and then she opened her mouth as if to say something. Then, she closed it again and turned away, walking to the carriage and leaving.

She took something with her when she left, but he refused to think about what that was. He sighed, returning to his household and going straight to his study to hide away. He did not want anyone to acknowledge the fact that he was there.

He simply wanted to be alone while he thought his next plans through. He had to find a replacement, though he did not want to, and he had to repeat the entire long process again.

The door pushed open slowly, but before he could bark at his intruder to leave, he saw who it was. Ella had come to find him, her eyes red and her cheeks tear-stained and swollen. He fell apart then and there, taking the little girl in his arms and holding her close while she cried into his hair.

“I am so sorry, Uncle Edward,” she whimpered. “I do not know what I did to make her so angry, but I did not mean it this time. I promise.”

“I know, Ella. This is not your fault.”

“But you always say that. It has to be. Why else would they all hate me so much?”

“Miss Pembroke does not hate you; I could see that. I do not know why she has left us, but it has nothing to do with you. You have been the perfect little girl for her.”

“Then– then why–”

She was choking on her own breaths, and Edward was lost for what to do. He tried to console her, but it wasn’t possible.

And so, he held her and let her cry until she no longer could.

***

Theodore knew that the ensuing fallout would be catastrophic, but he did not know how to help his friend without it being evident how he knew. He should have warned Edward, he thought as he travelled to him, but he had not. He should have done many things but had not done any of them. He had simply hoped that nothing would go badly, but it had, and he had to accept some blame in all of it.

Thankfully, Edward did not ask questions when he arrived on his doorstep. He simply welcomed him in and took him straight to the study.

It was evident that Ella, who was writing in the corner, had been crying. She looked exhausted, and Theodore ached to see such a young girl look so weathered. Edward took him out into the corridor after promising Ella profusely that they would be just outside the door. Ella’s eyes were on them until the door was closed completely.

“I do not know what to do,” Edward whispered, looking back as if the door were open. “Each time I leave the room, she cries. It is as though she thinks I will be abandoning her, too. It has never been this bad before.”

“Well, she has never liked a governess so much. It will pass. It will be difficult, but it will be easier in time.”

“Theodore, I have not seen her like this since her mother and father–”

Even after the time that had passed, he found difficulty in saying the words.

“I know, but it will pass in time. Meanwhile, she has the two of us, and we are not going anywhere. She must know that.”

“Given that she will have been crying again when we go back in there, I do not believe so.”

Theodore nodded, knowing precisely what to do.

When they reentered the room, he took the girl in his arms and ran away with her. She was in shock, and at once, the tears stopped. When they reached the end of the hallway, he held her out in his hands and turned quickly in circles, making her laugh despite everything. At last, the tears had ceased entirely, and though the sadness returned, she seemed more able to speak.

“Uncle Edward says it isn’t my fault,” she said quietly.

“It isn’t. One day, Miss Pembroke will be able to explain everything. Until then, we must accept her choice.”

“But I do not want to.”

“I know, but sometimes we have to do things we do not want to. You hated doing that easy arithmetic, didn’t you? But you had to so that you could understand the rest. You didn’t understand why at the time, but now you do. The time will come when you see why this happened, too, just not now. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Mr Swanson,” she replied, and they left for the study again. “Mr Swanson?”

“Yes?”

“You will not leave me, will you?”

“Of course not. Why do you think I am here so often? Surely you do not think I come here to visit your uncle, do you? He is far too old.”

She laughed, likely because she knew that his friend was actually a year younger than him.

“I hope you do not, as you are a very good friend to me.”

He wished that one day she might find friends her own age. She deserved that, at least.

When they reached the study, Ella took her writing from the desk and folded it neatly, handing it to Edward confidently.

“When you learn of Miss Pembroke’s address, will you send this to her? I would like her to have it. Oh! Also, she left this behind. We ought to return it to her.”

Edward held his hand out, and she placed her letter into it, as well as a necklace. It was a small locket, and Theodore froze as he saw the ‘E’ engraved into it. Euterpe? Would Edward question that? Ella left the study, though she did not say where she was going. He watched as Edward studied the necklace, at last finding the engraved letter.

“An E?” Edward asked. “You do not suppose she had a necklace with my initial made, do you? Or Ella’s?”

“Perhaps it is a friend’s name or her mother’s?” Theodore suggested, and thankfully, his friend accepted such reasons.

“In any case, I ought to hide this and hope that Ella forgets about it. We shall never know where she is, and it is better that we find a new governess for her sooner rather than later.”

“Is that a good idea? Ella might not take too kindly to a replacement if you find one too soon.”

“What other choice do I have? I cannot leave her without an education, and in all honesty, the sooner she can bond with someone else, the better it will be for us all.”

“Is it for Ella’s sake that you wish to replace Miss Pembroke or your own?” Theodore asked. “I think, when you answer that question, you will know what you must do.”

“It is for Ella, of course.”

“Is it?”

They looked at one another for a moment, and Theodore thought that, for the first time since they had met, his friend might raise his voice at him. He did not, however. Instead, he sighed, shaking his head and looking at the floor.

“I am only a man,” he confessed. “I will not pretend that I did not enjoy her company, and even though our time together was tumultuous, I truly did think we had an understanding. I never meant to push her away, especially not to this extent.”

“Then what are you going to do? You could find her, you know.”

“You cannot find someone who wishes to remain hidden. If this is what she wants, then so be it. I will simply have to find someone to take her place. Lady Victoria, for example.”

Theodore shuddered at the thought of it.

“You did not like her. What are you thinking?”

“I am thinking that I have been left with no other choice. I need a wife, and Ella needs a mother, and Lady Victoria will marry me if it means becoming a duchess. Difficult decisions must be made in such situations, and if I must make them, then I will.”

Theodore could see in his friend’s eyes that he did not mean a word of what he was saying. He would never have admitted it, but Edward was falling for Euterpe, and Theodore wished there was more he could do.

“Ella will not like this.”

“Ella has hardly ever liked anything,” he said bluntly. “She will never like anyone the way she did Miss Pembroke, so what difference does it make?”

Theodore wished he could do something, and the truth was sitting on his tongue and begging to be let out, but it wouldn’t have done any good. Edward’s mind was made, and that was it.

“Should we at least read the letter?” he asked.

“Certainly not. I have learned not to read things meant for Miss Pembroke, believe me.”

Theodore nodded, not wanting to push anything further.

“Will you stay for lunch?” Edward asked. “Ella would like it, and for what it is worth, so would I.”

Theodore knew that he had to leave, to return to his home where Euterpe would be, and try to persuade her to stay, but he could not say that, nor could he think of a good enough excuse to leave, so he accepted the invitation.

The meal passed quietly, but at least Ella had brightened. She only mentioned Euterpe three times as she ate, and each time, she caught herself before she could say too much.

She was a resilient child, Theodore thought, and she would be alright if Euterpe never returned, but Euterpe herself was another matter entirely. He had to return to her and try to change her mind. He could see that Edward had feelings for her, and she seemed unaware of it herself.

He knew that she had a lot of affection for him in return, and perhaps if she knew it was requited, she wouldn’t feel the need to leave and marry an awful man that she hated out of fear for her safety. Edward would protect her, he knew it; he simply had to convince her of that.

And so he left after lunch, the carriage going as quickly as the horses allowed, and as he travelled, he thought of what he would say. There had to be something that would persuade her, and the promise of a duke’s protection would have to do it. When the carriage arrived outside his household, he jumped out of it before it had stopped and ran inside, calling her name, but there was no response. In fact, the house seemed completely empty.

That was when he saw the note.