Page 17 of A Loving Governess in Disguise

Chapter 17

My Dear Sister,

I understand that you must be furious with me. I know that what I have done is unforgivable, and that I should have perhaps thought more about it, but I truly did feel as though I had no other choice.

I love him, Euterpe. I truly, truly, do. Mother and Father might not agree with the match, but I cannot follow their rules anymore. It would be too painful to let Charles go, especially when I love him this much. I want to chase my happiness, and if that means you no longer see me as your sister, then I understand.

With that being said, I will be staying with Charlotte for a while. I visited her home and was sent instead to her aunt and uncle. Her aunt has graciously opened her home to me, and should you wish to see me, you know where I can be found. If you do not, then I will be devastated, but again I will understand.

Yours Faithfully,

Eloise Cheslyn

Against all odds, Euterpe felt a small amount of relief that her sister’s surname was unchanged. They were as yet unmarried, and that meant there was a chance she could change her mind.

She finished searching through the letters, and she saw that there was also one from Charlotte. She was less apprehensive about this one, assuming that it would simply explain why she was caring for Eloise.

Euterpe,

If Eloise asks when you visit, as we both know that you will, this letter was merely to explain her whereabouts.

But, in truth, I bring you far graver news. My family has learned the identity of the man who was outside my home. He is a detective, and we can only assume that means the Duke of Somerset is searching for you. What makes it worse is that I attended a soiree with my cousin last night, and I swear to you that I saw him. He is close to finding you, and that terrifies me.

When you come to visit, please have Theodore with you. Also, if you could wear a bonnet and hide as much of your hair as possible so that he does not recognize you.

Be cautious but do come. Eloise has spoken only of you since her arrival. You will like Charles, he is a perfectly nice man.

Yours Faithfully,

Charlotte Fletcher

Euterpe’s heart thudded in her chest. She could hardly stand. The Duke of Somerset was close to finding her, which meant she would have no choice but to follow him home and become his wife. She had come so far, but it would count for nothing if he saw her. The worst part was that she had done everything right, and still, he had not stopped.

After a fitful night’s sleep, she waited in the drawing room for Theodore to arrive. She assumed that Charlotte would send him, and sure enough, he came for her. She was already dressed in the plainest gown she could find and was wearing a large bonnet.

He nodded approvingly at her and took her away to the carriage. She had not told the duke where she would be, but Theodore told him they were going into town for a while so that he would not think too much of it.

However, as they rode along, she knew it would not be a simple visit. She would have to leave them, which was the one thing that Ella did not want her to do. Euterpe had promised that she would stay and be her governess and that she loved being it. She had not been lying, but she had been tempting fate. As the greenery rolled by, she felt herself growing weaker in her resolve.

“This will be alright,” Theodore tried to assure her. “The staff knows not to let the Duke of Somerset into the home, and I have told Edward’s staff to do the same. He will not be allowed anywhere near you.”

“I feel like such an inconvenience,” she sighed. “You do not need to do all this for me.”

“We want to, Miss Cheslyn. You mustn’t worry about whether we are happy to do all of this because we are. We wish to protect you, so we are doing that. You are my cousin’s greatest friend and a wonderful governess to a little girl I hold a lot of affection for. Not only that, but you cannot deny the bond between yourself and my friend. All that to say, it is an honour to ensure your safety.”

Euterpe tried to believe him. They soon arrived at Theodore’s home, and as they went to the door, she noticed Theodore surveying the area. She only felt safe once they entered the household, and she removed her bonnet, and Charlotte rushed towards her.

“It is so good to see you,” she said brightly before lowering her voice. “She is in the parlour room. She is terrified of what you are going to say.”

“Part of me wants to believe she should be. I am so angry with her.”

“You are, but you never could be unkind to her, even when she spilled watercolours on your favourite gown.”

“In fairness, I did walk into her when that happened.”

“You see? Come, she is waiting.”

Euterpe almost expected her sister to look completely different as she walked towards the parlour. It had only been a few weeks since they had seen one another, but Eloise had changed every aspect of her life, as had Euterpe. It had been tumultuous, and she did not know what she would face on the other side of the door.

However, she was the same as she had always been, her cheeks as flushed as ever and her hands folded in front of her. Eloise looked into her eyes for a moment before casting them on the floor.

“Euterpe, you must know how sorry I am.”

But she was her sister, the lady she had raised as a child, and no matter how Euterpe had felt, she could not be angry with her. She ran to her, taking her in a tight embrace. Eloise gasped, tears flowing from her in an instant.

“Oh, Eloise, I cannot believe you are here,” she whispered. “Where have you been?”

The gentleman with her cleared his throat, and Eloise paused. She pulled away, smiling weakly.

“Euterpe, this is … Well, you already know who this is.”

“Charles Atkins,” Euterpe said in a colder tone. “A pleasure.”

“Miss Cheslyn, I cannot tell you how awful we have felt about this.”

But she raised a hand to silence him. She was relieved that her sister was safe, but there would be more to follow if they did not return home.

“Eloise, we must take you home.”

“What?” she cried. “Euterpe, you cannot! Mother and Father will never allow this match, and if you take me back there– I will not do it.”

“Eloise, you do not understand. If you do this, they will have no other choice but to–”

“No, it is you that does not understand. We are both free of such expectations, don’t you see? I can marry the man I love now, and you can do whatever pleases you.”

“You are being childish. You know what is expected of us!”

“Then go and do what is expected of you. After all, you are in the same position as I am now. We have both been pushed to do something we did not want, and we both ran. You are no better than me.”

“Eloise, I only did this because you gave me no other choice. You do not understand what they want me to do and what I will be forced into should I return. If you come with me, it will be different.”

“Yes, we shall both have our hands forced. You need not return. You seem healthy, and you seem happy. What more could you possibly want?”

“My sister,” she whispered. “The sister that I left everything to find. I have only done all of this for your sake, and instead of gratitude, all you can do is tell me that you do not regret it and that I should do the same. Have you not spared a thought for Mother and Father? They must be sick with worry.”

“They should have thought about that before pushing me away. I am sorry, Euterpe, whether you believe me or not, but you are right. I do not regret any of this. I would rather live without such comforts and soirees if it means I can be in love. Tell her, Charles. Tell her that there was no other way!”

“Miss Cheslyn, if I may,” he said carefully. “I will not pretend to know just what our actions have caused you, but you must know that I would never have done any of this if not for love. I wish I could explain what Eloise and I share, but it is intangible. I had not expected her to appear at my door that morning, but I could not send her away. I did what had to be done, and I understand that it has made difficulties for everyone, but I did not know what else to do.”

“Very well.” Euterpe laughed emptily. “I am pleased that you are both so happy. You will be pleased in equal measure to know that, because of this, the Duke of Somerset has been searching for me so that he can force me into marriage.”

Eloise’s face changed in an instant.

“Yes, Eloise,” she continued, “believe it or not, the consequences of your actions extend beyond yourselves. You have not only put me in danger, but also Charlotte and her family. Please, do look at her and her cousin here and tell them that you are happy about that.”

Euterpe had never been so unkind to her sister, but she couldn’t help herself. She had never felt as unimportant to her sister as she did then.

“Euterpe,” Eloise began.

“No. I cannot hear this. I understand perfectly well. There is no changing your mind, and unlike you, I know that sacrifices must be made.”

“What are you saying?” Charlotte asked.

“I do not have any other choice. The Duke of Somerset will not stop until he has me, and I cannot have you all in danger for my sake.”

“We are willing to be,” Charlotte protested, but Euterpe shook her head.

“It is not only you now, but your family, the Duke of Cambridge, and his wonderful niece. She is a child. She does not deserve to be followed like this, and she is incapable of saying whether she would be happy for it the way you are. My mind is made up. I must be his wife.”

“But Euterpe,” Eloise said, tears forming in her eyes, “you cannot! There has to be another way.”

“If you will not come home without this man, then there is not. I know you have always been willing to sacrifice everything for love, Sister, but I never would have thought one of the things you would sacrifice was me.”

Without another word, she left. She did not care to hide her identity, not anymore. There was no use in doing so when she was only going to find the man searching for her anyway. Theodore chased after her, trying to join her, but she shook her head firmly.

“I appreciate all that you have done for me,” she said, her voice trembling, “but I cannot have you with me. I will return to the manor and have my final day with them tomorrow. Then, I will do what I must.”

“We can do something about this. Please, let me at least take you home. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you when I could have been there.”

Reluctantly, she allowed him to join her. She turned away from him, looking out the window even though she could not see much by that time.

The carriage rocked her as it rumbled along, and she felt her head rattle against the window occasionally. She did not feel any pain from it, however. She hardly felt anything at all.

“Euterpe,” Theodore said suddenly, “if nothing will change your mind, and you will be leaving soon, could you at least tell me something?”

“I suppose. What is it?”

“How do you feel about the duke?”

“Of Somerset? I cannot stand him. I thought I had made that abundantly clear.”

“No, the Duke of Cambridge.”

She bit her lip, not wanting to share something so personal but knowing that she had nothing to lose. Within two days, she would be far from there, being forced into a life she did not want. She had thought that she at last had a life that she felt was a reflection of who she was, one with hope and possibility, but it was too late to keep that.

“I wish I knew what I felt for him,” she sighed. “I had thought him a kind man who did his duty but nothing more. Then, I saw that beneath that hard exterior of his, there was a sensitive man who adores his niece as if she were his own child. I shall not pretend that I am not attracted to him, for I have never been one to lie.”

Theodore chuckled at that and given her circumstances, she had to do the same. Everything the duke thought he knew about her was a lie, and he would have come to know that eventually, regardless, and then where would she be? In a sense, it was safer for her to marry the Duke of Somerset and be done with it all. There would be no more lies, at least.

Except, she thought as she pressed her head against the cool glass, she would have to lie constantly. She would be untruthful every time she told her husband she loved him. She could never hold such affection for him, not when another man had already stolen her heart.

The following morning, she passed her time with Ella as planned. She knew she would soon break her heart, and so she wanted their final hours together to be perfect. They read together, spent time in the gardens, and shared tea in the drawing room.

At one moment, Ella had a smear of cream on her cheek and laughed at her reflection in the mirror, making Euterpe’s chest ache. She did not want to leave, but for their sake, she had to.

The three of them ate dinner together that evening, and Euterpe knew that her final good day was coming to an end. She did not sleep at all that night, and when she went to breakfast the following morning, she almost choked on her words.

“I have to leave,” she told them both, her hands clenched into fists. “I am sorry.”