Page 87

“No, it is my business.” He rubbed his forehead with his fingers, squinting his eyes shut. “Several of my business associates have expressed concern over how my rather hasty marriage to my father’s widow will make them look, and have asked me to consider our agreements over the next months.”

I frowned, shaking my head. “What does that mean?”

Azriel rose to his feet and walked towards the fire, gazing down into the leaping flames. “It means that while they do not approve of my marriage, the money I may make them is more important than their scruples. Therefore, they have requested we do not appear in public together until the New Year, to allow the matter to settle and be forgotten.”

“So I am to be a prisoner in this house? Marvellous.” I setdown my cup on the table beside me with a huff. “This is an outrage.”

“We are the outrage, beloved.” Azriel turned to face me. “But at least we shall not be penniless in all of this.”

“Money, money, money, it is always about money.” I got to my feet, tossing the heavy hot water bottle and the blanket onto the armchair before going over to my bed. “You may leave now.”

“I shall not.”

I scowled at him. “I am indisposed. You shall have to go elsewhere for your pleasure tonight.”

“I shall not leave your chamber.” He yanked at his tie, then unbuttoned his shirt, revealing his chest, and I hated myself for the desire that leapt into my being at the sight. “I desire comfort, wife.”

“You shall find none here.” I continued to glare at him as he removed his clothing until he was standing before me only in his shirt. “I asked you to go.”

“And since when have I ever done your bidding?”

“Get out.”

“And if I wanted to brush your hair, and rub your shoulders while I held you?” He asked, sidling towards the bed. “What if I wanted to be gentle with you? Kind to you?”

“You are incapable of kindness,” I spat back, climbing into the bed and pulling the blankets up to my chin. “Now get out.”

“You will not push me away.” He approached the bed, removing his shirt, and climbing in beside me completely naked. He sat beside me, reaching out to stroke my cheek, his expression becoming menacing when I jerked my face away. “Why do you insist on rejecting me?”

“Because the moment I feel that you are showing me kindness, or love, you ruin it. You ruin everything. You make me f-feel like a f-fool.” Sobs snatched at my voice, dragging itdown and away, and I threw myself onto my side, my back to him. “You are impossible to love, and perhaps, so am I.” I squeezed my eyes shut as he nestled himself against my back.

“Why are you crying?” He asked softly, his fingers stroking through my hair.

“Because I am angry.”

“Because I have hurt you.” He ran a hand down my back. “Because I am uncouth, and conceited.”

“Leave me alone.”

“No.”

I turned over to face him, slapping an open hand against his chest, which was warm and smooth under my touch, and made me hate him even more. “Stop it. If you are going to spend eternity pushing and pulling, never letting me rest, never letting me find comfort in your presence, then I do not want it.”

“You are the one who will not let me in, beloved.” He ran a hand down the side of my face, brow furrowed as he gazed at me. “You are the one who will give me your body, but nothing more. You remained locked up, distant from me. You wish to seek comfort in my presence, and then push me away when it is offered.”

“Because in the next moment you will threaten, or laugh, or hide yourself away.” I tried to turn away from him, but he grasped my hand, laying it against his chest and curling his own over it to hold me in place. “Stop it, Azriel.”

“Evangeline, listen to me.”

I blinked at him in the dim light, sure it was the first time he had used my proper name.

“Listen to me,” he repeated softly, moving closer to me, our hands caught between us. “I will never deserve you, I know that. But I will try. I will try every day, and I know I shall fail. But I will never stop trying.”

“Those are simply words.” I sniffled, closing my eyes. “They do not mean anything.”

“I know, beloved. But you also told me once that you trusted me.”

“Because I have no choice.” I wrenched my hand away again, desperate to separate myself from his warmth and the smell of his skin. “I never have a choice, in none of this have I ever had a choice.”