Page 47

I nodded as I took another long sip of brandy, the heat lighting up my veins. “I have been informed that my dearly departed husband made a new will, one year ago, when he had given up hope of ever producing another child. Since I had failed in my wifely duties, I forfeited my estate, the security of my family, and any future I might have hoped for.”

Mary gasped, a hand flying to her mouth. “No.”

“Oh yes, indeed.”

“You are destitute?”

The laugh that bubbled from my mouth was almost a cackle of insanity. For here it was - the truth. There would be no hiding it now. I could tell myself that it was my intoxication that was making my lips this loose, but it was foolish to think so. I had no choice but to tell Mary. For tomorrow, there would be no more denying it.

“No, not destitute. For my salvation has come about in such a way that I could never have foreseen it.”

Mary frowned again tilting her head as curiosity took over her shock. “What do you mean, madam?”

“Azriel Caine has asked me to be his wife, and I have accepted.” I met Mary’s eyes with what I hoped was a level gaze, but I knew I must look wild. Drunk, deranged, and ranting. I would not have been surprised if she had sent for the doctor, or run away screaming for a priest. But instead, she just stared at me, her mouth dropping open.

“Madam,” she finally said over a breathless squeak. “You do not mean that.”

“I do.”

Mary dropped at my feet, taking my hand in hers as she gently shook her head. “Please be assured I understand your position, I do. You are desperate, but Mr Caine would not require such a thing of you to ensure your safety. He cares for you, truly, he would not wish for-”

“He has had me, Mary.” The words dropped so easily from my tongue, and I could not even be amused at the shock that just kept etching itself deeper and deeper into Mary’s face. “The night I told you I was sitting in vigil, I lied to you. I lied and told you to leave me alone so you would not find out I was gone. But I went to him, and gave him my body.”

Mary snatched her hand away from mine, shuffling away from me as though I was a flame, burning with sin. Aghast, she clutched a hand to her mouth, shaking her head asthough she could somehow expel everything she had just heard from her mind.

“Madam, no.”

“I understand if you wish to leave my service, of course.” I put the glass down, and rose to my feet. The room spun, and I steadied myself against the velvet armrest. “But for now, Mr Caine is awaiting me, and I must dress for dinner.”

Mary stared at me for a moment as though I was mad, then quickly rose to her feet, smoothing down her pinafore before nimbly untying the lacing of my dress and helping me out of it. She hesitated at the armoire, glancing over her shoulder at me before taking out a dark green velvet gown. I hiccuped out a laugh as I stepped into it, already feeling so odd to be in a colour other than black, despite my criminally short mourning period.

“A good choice, Mary.” I met her eyes in the mirror and smiled. “Why indeed keep up the pretence any longer?”

Mary dipped her head, diverting her attention to the lacings and the small buttons that ran down the back of the bodice. “When is this marriage to take place, madam?”

“Tomorrow,” I replied airily, clipping a pair of pearl earrings to my ears. “I shall need to rise early, and be made ready for the ceremony at 9:30.”

Mary swallowed hard, her eyes still cast downward. “Which dress would madam like to wear?”

I looked over at the armoire, my vision hazy from all the alcohol. “The periwinkle blue, I think.”

“Yes, that is a lovely colour on you.”

I turned to face her, lifting one hand then another for her to secure the small pearly buttons at the sleeves of the dress. She eyed me uncertainly, and took a deep breath.

“I will not leave your service, madam.” Sweet little Mary jutted out her chin, her eyes fixed on mine. “I will not. For Iam devoted to you, and whatever… whatever sin you may have committed, that is for God to judge, and not for me.”

“And if your family calls you away?” Suddenly, I did feel as though I might cry. I had truly had too much to drink, for the thought of Mary, sweet, innocent Mary, and her hard-working, dedicated family, seeing me fall from grace, into ruin, shunned by all society - that hurt more than anything else. That this good family should see their daughter tainted by being associated with someone like me. It was a judgement that was almost too much to bear. “I have promised them a place for their daughter in a good Christian household, and instead she finds herself in a house of debauchery.”

Mary gripped my hands, and shook her head. “As long as I can stay, I shall, madam. I shall not forsake you now, not when you need me.”

Mary had no idea just how much I needed her. In the face of Azriel’s possession, I did not know that I wouldn’t be dragged under and drowned. Even now, I could feel his eyes on me, haunting me, lurking in the darkness with a promise of blood - my blood - should I not do his bidding.

My ruin lay hours away, and between it and now, there was only a cursed meal to be shared with my fiancé.

“You are drunk.”

There was not a hint of judgment in Azriel’s tone as I took my place at the table. He was seated at the head, and had my place set to his right. I had wavered on my way into the room, wobbling on the heels of my shoes. But I sat now, back straight and a haughty look pulled into place, avoiding his gaze.