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Chapter Forty-One

Lexie

My parents rattle on about the house they found in Reno. It’s bigger. They tell me that it’s way better than this one. The one they’ve spent very little time in.

I let my eyes trail over the pictures as they shove their computer in front of my face. “It looks great,” I tell them.

“We thought you could live in this wing,” my dad says. “You’d have it all to yourself.”

It makes me laugh lightly.

They go on and on about how my mom is going to keep her job for at least another year, but dad will be home every night.

“My new job will give us more time together,” he tells me.

“Yeah, I know how much time that job affords. I spent more time with your boss than I ever did you.”

My mom’s hand flies out, making stinging contact with the side of my face. Dad grabs her wrist.

“Diane!” he yells.

I stand up and head to my room. I toss the pain pills and the Valium into the box filled with Ash’s gifts, and then I hobble my way out to my car.

My dad jogs alongside me. “Where are you going?”

“Why did you even keep me?” I ask, setting the box on the passenger seat.

“What?”

“If you didn’t want a child, you could have given me to a family who might have loved me.”

He runs his hand down his face. “We were young. Everyone told us our lives were ruined when your mom got pregnant. We set out to prove them wrong. I’ve busted my ass to give you everything you could have ever wanted.”

“Do you remember the day you took me to work with you because my nanny was sick? I sat under your desk all day, and you let me watch theWizard of Ozon your phone. We even had lunch together in your office.”

“Yeah, that day was a complete shit show.”

My shoulders fall, and I shove my crutches in the backseat of my car. “That was one of the best days of my life.”

I get in, ignoring the look of confusion on his face. They will never understand.

My conversation with Rachel plays in my mind as I drive around town. I’m not sure where I’m going, but eventually I find myself pulling up to a popular party house. I sit there for a few minutes before someone knocks on my window.

“Hey, Lex. Fuck that’s some crazy shit about your dad’s boss,” some dude I hooked up with in the past tells me. I can’t remember his name.

“Yeah, I guess I’m a local celebrity now. Fucked up, huh?”

He looks me over. “Yeah, but I can’t blame the dude. You’re fucking hot.”

That’s the thing. I’ve never blamed him. I saved that for myself.

“Thanks,” I say, knowing he means it as a compliment, but it sure doesn’t feel like one.

“I’ll see you inside, yeah?”

“Yeah, sure.”

He walks away, and I pull the box into my lap. My fingers dance lightly over the items, and I stop on the wooden Toto. I set him on the dash and then go back for the pills. I dump the entire bottle in my hand.