Page 21

My eyes widen. “I threw them away. No one was supposed to ever read them!”

Her hand wraps around mine. “Baby, you didn’t listen. He hasn’t opened them. He said it didn’t feel right. Ash knows you had no intention of sending them to him.”

Instantly, my shoulders fall. Oh my god, I probably hurt his feelings. My stomach turns with the thought I might have pained him by not writing. Or worse by writing and never sending them.

“What are you thinking about?” she asks.

“Is there a way to call him back?”

A smile lights up her face. “It might take me awhile, but I’ll make it so, okay?”

I give her a shy nod. “I’m going to go find a quiet place to sit.”

When I find a sunny spot, I plop down and pull the glass pen Ash gave me from my pocket. I hold it up to the light. He’s even figured out my favorite color. Ruby red, just like Dorothy’s slippers. Someone taps me on the shoulder.How long has Dirk been standing there?

“I think that will work a lot better with these.” He hands me the ink and the journal.

Once they’re in my hand, he turns and walks away.

I’ve never used one of these, but I’ve always wanted one. I’ll admit, I’m a little excited to try.

The sun shifts across the sky, and even though I don’t get any actual journaling done, I’m happy. My fingers brush over Ash’s name. It took me several pages to get the hang of it, but I manage to make some beautiful flowing letters.

My brain bounces left to right as the afternoon moves along. Part of me is craving more of this connection I feel with Ash. The other is uneasy about letting him any closer, because he’ll eventually see the parts of me that are ugly.

Jesse yells out the door. “Hey, hun, why don’t you come in and help me get started on supper.”

I heard Raffe pull in a little while ago. I really don’t want to talk to someone new. Besides, everyone in the club has already tried to talk some sense into me at one point in time. I doubt Raffe will have any better luck.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the Skulls. I do. But I am who I am. Deeply flawed.

When I get inside, the three of them are laughing in the kitchen. Raffe grabs a towel and snaps it at Dirk.

My eyes about pop out of my head. Does he want to die?

Dirk just takes it away from him, but before he puts it away, he gets Raffe square in the ass.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fuck,” Raffe yelps as he grabs Jesse around the waist with one hand, his other rubbing his butt. He uses her as a human shield.

My first reaction is to label them as weird, because they’re old and acting like kids. But if I really ask myself why it triggers me, it’s because I’m jealous. You can tell these three are one hundred percent comfortable around each other. I’d be happy to have one person in my life who I could be this level of relaxed with.

“Hey,” Raffe says, finally noticing me. He releases his hold on Jesse and waves me over to them. “Don’t mind us. We revert back to our youth whenever we get together.”

I lay my book and pen down on the table by the door before moving to stand by Jesse. She gives me a side hug and then puts me to work. Raffe and Dirk retreat to the living room.

“Jackson said Ash will call sometime this evening.”

“Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. You could just tell …”

She stops me. “You can do this. Whatever you wanted to say to him earlier today, he should hear it … from you.”

I sigh loudly. “I just want to go back to partying.”

“Yeah, and I want to go back to selling drugs.” She snorts, rolling her eyes.

“You used to sell drugs?” My eyes widen in surprise, and my mouth falls open.

It makes her laugh. “Did you think I was an angel?”