Page 85 of Total Shutdown

I melt further into his body when he releases a long sigh of relief at the words I know he’s been desperate to hear for weeks, months, perhaps over a year.

“And what about you, Collins? Can I be sure you won’t escape from me, from Ezra?”

This feels like one of the biggest conversations we’ve had and definitely the most loaded question he’s asked me to date. I’ve never made my need to travel and move around a secret. It’s always been a part of who I was and something that made me happy. Staying in one city or even country for a prolonged period of time has a way of making my skin prickle with unease.

But when he just asked me the question, I felt no discomfort at all. The thought of staying in Brooklyn is as easy as sitting opposite Ezra while we devour ice cream and talk motorcycles. It’s as easy as lying in bed with his dad before morning skate and my shift at work.

Truthfully, it’salwaysbeen easy.

I twist my hands into his black henley, and Sawyer rests his finger under my chin.

“Look at me, Collins.”

I do as he asks, his handsome face beginning to blur in front of me.

Inhaling a deep breath into my lungs, I know I’ll never forget this moment. “I want to give us a go, and I don’t want to escape. I like it here, with you and Ezra, just as we are in Brooklyn.”

* * *

Sawyer’s been drivingfor the past ten minutes with one hand on the steering wheel, the other in mine. The instant I told him I wanted to give us a shot, he hasn’t let go of me. And his smile hasn’t left his face either.

I look down at our connection, our hands resting in my lap. “You know if you let go of me, I won’t magically disappear.”

He squeezes my hand harder. “I know. I’m just making up for all the times I wanted to do this, but didn’t get the chance.” He pulls up at a Stop sign and turns to face me, eyes crinkling in the corners and beyond the edges of his aviators. “Because you were determined to make me wait and work for it.”

I move toward him, my lips finding the shell of his ear. “You know what they say—good things come to those who wait. And if you’re really lucky, I’ll let you put it in my ass later.”

I throb at my own filthy mouth.

Sawyer flicks on his blinker, ready to turn right. “Am I right in thinking that would be a first for you? Someone taking your ass?”

“You’d be correct. It’s always been a hard line for me. Don’t ask why since I love to be tied up and played with in every way possible.”

Sawyer releases a pained noise, and my eyes drop to his tenting pants.

He follows my line of sight as we start moving again, and he heads down a street in an unfamiliar part of town.

“Listen, a hard-on isn’t exactly inappropriate for where we’re going, but it will be painful while I wait to get my chance with you later.”

I’m about to ask where the hell we’re headed, visuals of a couple’s strip joint quickly taking shape, when Sawyer answers my question, pulling into a parking lot for a building named Lustful Luxuries.

“Is this where we’re eating lunch?” I muse, one hand on the passenger door handle. I knowexactlywhat this place is despite not ever visiting, and my heart rate picks up at the prospect of toy shopping with Sawyer.

“I mean …” He pulls off his shades and sets them on the dash in front of him. Eyes sparkling, they drop down the length of my body, unadulterated hunger behind them. “I guess this place is loosely connected to eating.”

My lips are trembling. I’m not sure who breaks first, but we both fall into fits of laughter. I’m so hysterical that I don’t clock when he stops laughing, now sitting in silence and watching me, head pushed back into the rest. I only notice when Sawyer’s hand wraps around the back of my head, pulling me into him.

He can’t keep his hands off me, and I’m freaking here for it.

“Tell me something, Baby Girl,” he murmurs against my mouth. “Is it okay for me to call you my girlfriend now?”

That word.

The label I’ve spent so long recoiling at falls over my skin like a shot of sunshine on a freezing cold day.

“I guess that’s what I am, right?” I reply, still so close to him that I can taste his delicious breath. I want to taste so much more of him.

“Collins, you’re so much more to me than just a single word, but, yeah, I want to be sure when I’m asked about us that you’re cool with me claiming you. When I think of you as my girl, I want to know you are actually mine to keep.”