Page 58 of Total Shutdown

Alyssa

Sawyer, you know precisely who. Collins. She’s good for Ezra. All he did was talk to her the entire game. She likes him too—I can tell.

I crankthe engine on my car and grip my cell in my left hand.

What are the chances of her showing up at Lloyd’s tonight? Jack asked Kendra to practically force her down there.

Though I should know by now that my girl doesn’t doanythingshe doesn’t want to.

Me

All cards on the table … I like her a lot. But it’s not that easy.

Within seconds,Alyssa’s calling me, and I pick up, my phone automatically connecting to the Bluetooth as I pull out of the players’ parking lot and head for Lloyd’s.

“Hey,” I say.

“Talk to me, please,” Alyssa says immediately, her voice low, ensuring the conversation is private.

I pull up at a stoplight and blow out a long breath, anxiously drumming my fingers on the steering wheel.

“Recently we went on a date and back in October we spent the night together. I guess you could therefore argue we’ve been seeing each other. Although that isn’t really accurate. I want her. I have feelings for her.”

Alyssa hums like none of what I just told her comes as a surprise. “Your feelings aren’t reciprocated?” she asks, her tone a touch flat, likely disappointed on my behalf.

When the light turns green, I head down the street.

“I wouldn’t say that either. She’s into me; she’s just not into relationships. I’m working on things, and that’s all I can say right now.”

“So, you’re chasing after her?”

I pull into the secure parking lot I use each time I come to Lloyd’s and swing my car into a space.

“Would you call me an idiot if I said yes? It’s the first time I’ve wanted a woman since Sophie, and honestly, it feels different this time.”

“Well, Collins is a lot different from my daughter. Younger, for one thing, and very confident too. I don’t think you’re an idiot for going after what you want, Sawyer. You’ve been alone for so many years, and you need someone to grow old with. I?—”

She breaks herself off, and I grow cold with anticipation.

“Finish what you were going to say,” I ask.

She clears her throat quickly. “I just don’t want you getting hurt. How old is she exactly?”

“Twenty-six,” I reply, wincing slightly.

I know nine years makes a big difference at this stage in life, but at the same time, I see our age gap as more of a technicality. Yeah, sure, there are elements to Collins that scream younger, like her carefree attitude, lack of responsibilities, and pink hair. There are also parts of her that leave me in awe over the mature ways she handles life. She’s making decisions for herself, and I really and truly don’t think she gives a fuck what anyone thinks or says about her.

I speak again before Alyssa has a chance to tell me it won’t work out because she’s too young for me. “I want her. I want to see where this can go because there’s something special between us and I know she can feel it too.”

A brief moment of nothing passes between us, and my palm tightens around the steering wheel. I’m not looking for Alyssa and Dom’s permission to date anyone—and I don’t need it—but I do respect their opinion. There are few people I can point to with confidence and say they have my best interests at heart. Jack, Archer, Kendra, and likely Coach. Alyssa and Dom are on that list. They have known me for years. Alyssa especially knows my limitations, and she saw the way Sophie’s death tore me in two.

A gentle sigh blows through my speakers before she tells me precisely what I want to hear. “Then go after your heart, Honey. And just in case you need to hear this, go after her for Ezra too.”

* * *

When I pushinto Lloyd’s, the place is packed. People are crowded around the main bar area, and footage from our win over the Scorpions is playing on every overhead screen. It was a big game tonight against our rivals and one we took control of right from the start. With Jack taking the starting center role last season, he’s grown into the position his stepdad used to play and is now running the show in the slot—and, being honest, everywhere else on the rink.

Now that I’m thirty-five, thoughts of my retirement are never far away from the forefront of my consciousness, and neither is where the captaincy will go when I eventually hang up my skates.