Page 36 of Total Shutdown

I played like shit, but somehow, Matt Rice—our assistant captain and winger—managed to bury an impossible slap shot, clinching theWwe badly needed to keep our run of recent form going.

“Well played.” Archer slides up to me as I pull off my left glove and shake hands with some of the opposing players I’ve known for seasons.

“You know they say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, right?”

Archer chuckles from beside me, shaking the Philly coach’s hand. He knows this team well and gets especially pumped for games here since this is his hometown and boyhood team.

“You cost me a shutout,” he replies, voice playful, though I can sense his frustration. “What’s going on, man?”

I stop partway down the tunnel as the rest of the team files into the locker room. I should be happy—even fucking relieved—that my performance tonight didn’t cost us the game.

The tunnel is almost empty when I pause on chewing the corner of my guard and pull it out of my mouth completely.

“Collins,” is all I say, uncertain of the best way to explain what’s circulating in my head.

A rogue grin tugs at Archer’s lips. Maybe he knew exactly what was going on. Maybe he tore his attention away from Darcy for a split second and clocked my hand on Collins’s hip.

“What about her?”

I scrub a hand over my mouth, a brief wave of nausea washing through the pit of my stomach. “I think … I think I want her.”

He shifts his weight, the same smile still across his face. “Tell me something we haven’t already worked out. I could see that when she blew you off last November and again the other night.”

He misses fuckingnothing.

I pull off my helmet, scratching at the back of my neck. “No, you aren’t listening. Iwanther. For more than sex. I’m really …” I fill my cheeks with air. “I’m completely into her. I can’t stop thinking about her. My boy is enraptured by her, and, goddamn, man, so am I. I thought I could let it go, you know? Keep it together and not let feelings get in the way.” I puff out a single harsh breath. “Seeing that guy with her the other night …”

“The blond dude?”

I nod once. “Seeing him make a move on her? I couldn’t stomach the thought of her going home with him. I think … I think the only bed I want her in is mine.”

Archer looks off to the side, discomfort painting his face.

I knew he wasn’t the right person to talk to about this. Jack would’ve been my better option. Archer has never been into feelings, especially when it comes to women. He’s a great guy and a damn good friend, but this kind of conversation just isn’t in his wheelhouse.

“Shit, Sawyer,” he replies, “I don’t know what to say. Are you telling me you’re in love with her?”

“No,” I bite out, my frustration at this entire situation growing constantly. “I’m just saying, whatever I’m feeling, it’s strong. When we hooked up, I had feelings. She was the first woman since Sophie that I really connected with on some kind of level and in a totally different way from what I’ve ever had before. She challenges me.” I giggle like a fucking teenager. “You were right when you asked if we’d slept together that night I took her home. We did, and it was one of the best nights of my life. Not for her though. She told me I was an average lay.”

His eyes shoot up before he doubles over with laughter. “Jesus, I would never fucking recover if any girl said that to me.”

He laughs harder, and I wait—with added petulance—for him to stop.

“And after her saying that, you’re telling me you’ve fallen even harder for this girl?!”

I offer him a tight smile. “Essentially, yes.”

“Jesus. You really are fucked.”

“Thanks. Really fucking helpful,” I reply.

Archer’s laughter calms. “What is this about Ezra? You said he’s enraptured by her or something.”

I think back to the meal at Jack and Kendra’s and the look on his face. The sounds of his laughter and squeals as they filled the street with him riding on the back of her bike. The look on Collins’s face at the table that night when I’d told Ezra we couldn’t go over and again when I said he couldn’t keep coming over to her garage. She wasn’t just disappointed for him; she was genuinely gutted herself. I could see that. I could feel the warmth radiate from her.

“It’s difficult to explain, but he comes alive around her. It’s hard not to fall harder for the person who makes the world a better place for your child.”

He’s not a dad, but I know my goalie gets it.