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Bambi begins to lean back, and I catch her around the shoulders helping lower her to the bed. She unbuckles her overalls and pulls up her sweater revealing her extended stomach. I stroke it reverently before the doctor squirts clear jelly on it, rubbing it in with a device attached to the ultrasound monitor.

A black and white grainy image appears on the screen. It’s hard to tell what anything is at first as the doctor repositions and searches for what she’s looking for.

“Okay, there’s his heartbeat.”

The soft thumping sound of a tiny fluttering heartbeat fills the room, and I can’t stop myself from falling to one knee, my hand firmly gripping at Bambi’s as I stare at the grainy image.

That’s his heartbeat, he’s alive in there, growing every day. The reality of it hits me harder than expected and heat burns the back of my eyes. The doctor is looking at the screen and I expect to see Bambi watching the monitor as well. But when I look to her, she’s looking at me. She’s seen this all before, but this is my first time.

I lock eyes with her, letting her see the most vulnerable parts of me. The parts I hid from everyone, even her. Not anymore.

I kiss the back of her hand and turn back to the ultrasound when the doctor speaks again.

“I see a foot, and there’s a hand.” I don’t see either, but I trust she knows what she’s doing. “Let me reposition to get a better view from the side.”

She moves the device on Bambi’s stomach to the opposite side and then, there on the screen, I see the white outline of a tiny body curled in a ball.

“There you are, perfect image. Let me capture that for you.”

She freezes the image and clicks a few buttons, snapping a picture of our baby. I can’t believe we made that.

I stare in awe as she prints out the strip of paper and then begins rubbing at Bambi’s belly again.

“Let’s just make sure everything else is developing, organs, bones.”

“Can you check on his…” I gesture with a circle around my groin area. “Stuff? Make sure that’s all good?”

Dr. Amelia stares at me, obviously trying not to laugh. “You want me to check his genitals?” she says as professionally as possible.

“Yeah. You know…make sure it’s a boy and all.”

Then she laughs and shakes her head at me. I doubt I’m the first father to ask such a thing. It’s a legitimate concern.

“Sure thing.”

Bambi laughs at me too, her belly shaking as she tries to stifle it so as not to interfere with the ultrasound. But the doctor appeases my ridiculous request, positioning the ultrasound to show his little man bits. All I can see are two round shapes, but she assures me those are his testicles.

The rest of the appointment isn’t nearly as exciting, but I try to pay attention and listen even as I stare at the printed black and white photo the doctor took. Keeping Bambi’s hand in mine the entire time the doctor goes over what to expect in the third and final trimester. Lots of it sounds familiar since I started reading pregnancy books as soon as I got back.

It makes me smile when she mentions not being alone in her apartment, especially at night, because moving around is goingto get more difficult, and she wouldn’t want her to fall or hurt herself.

“Don’t worry Doc, I’m staying with her now. I’ll take good care of her. Promise.”

“Good I’ll hold you to that. Now have you decided on a birthing plan? Do you want an epidural?”

From my readings I know what an epidural is and am myself curious if she wants one. Bambi is a strong woman, but she’s also never been great with pain.

“Yes, and yes. I’ve worked everything out with my grandmother and best friend.”

The unintended barb is an unexpected sting to my chest. I should have been the one to work out a birthing plan with her and the fact that I still don’t know adds one more item to my to-do list.

“Wonderful. And since Mr. Graham is staying with you, I assume he will be your ride to the hospital?”

“Yes,” I answer before Bambi has a chance to.

I may not know her birthing plan_yet_but I know for damn sure I’ll be driving her to the hospital. My assertiveness gets me a soft smile from Bambi, and it soothes the sting from before.

We go over a few last items and then the doctor is leading us back out to the waiting room and wishing us a good day.