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That’s what I’m looking forward to most, sunshine and warmth. Not that the cold bothers me, I grew up here, so it’s normal to me. I even have a bit of Inuit in my blood, or at least, I think. My parents weren’t big on family lineage, but ever since a friend of mine in high school bragged about his summer vacation to Hawaii, I haven’t stopped thinking about it. Palm trees, coconuts, warm sun and warm water, sandy beaches that you want to lay out on all day long in nothing but a swimsuit, sometimes less. It sounds like heaven.

Picturing it always got me through the bad times. The times when my dad was so drunk and belligerent he would go on rants, and I would get the brunt of it. It was times like that I would sometimes escape to Owen’s house and crash on his couch. There were many times I ended up at Gigi’s place too. As soon as I bought my boat and started working and living on it, shelet me dock it at her place so I wouldn’t have to pay to dock it somewhere else. This meant I spent a lot of time with her and Bambi.

Why the fuck do I keep thinking about the past?About Bambi and Gigi and Owen and everything I’ll be missing when I’m gone? Is it because I’m finally going to leave this time? My subconscious is trying to give me a guilt trip or something? Well, it’s not going to work. I’m not staying. I’ve been working towards this for too long to give it up now.

I order another beer and ignore when my mind starts to wander. Tonight is not about reminiscing, it’s about celebrating and looking to the future, not the past.

A few hours pass and some of the older crowd says their goodnights. One being Gigi. I wrap her in a tight hug when she wanders over to say goodbye, a few strands of her wispy white curls stick to my short beard as she pulls away. She pulls them out and smooths them down.

“I’ll see you tomorrow sweetheart. You enjoy your night, and remember if you ever decide to come back, you’re more than welcome to stay with me. I’m always in need of a strapping young man around the house,” Gigi plants a big kiss on my cheek, as she always does, and squeezes my shoulders.

She’s in her mid-sixties now and I have helped her out many times around the house, moving furniture, chopping wood, changing her oil. I am more than happy to do it for everything she’s done for me.

“Of course, Gigi.IfI come back, I’ll make sure to come to your place first.”

“Damn right you better.”

I laugh and hug her again before watching her white head of hair wind through the late-night crowd at the bar. Before I can see her exit a fresh cold beer is placed in my hand andmy attention is drawn away, back to the boisterous talk and laughter.

♥

“Heeey man. This party is awesome. Are you having fun?” Owen drunkenly slurs an hour later, as he wraps an arm around my shoulders.

I have to hold him up by his waist to keep him from taking us both down. It’s not so much that he’s too drunk to stand, but because he’s flinging himself around like a beach ball. Owen steadies himself and stands up taller.

“Yes, Owen, I’m having a great time.”

“Good, because there’s someone here who would like to give you a going away present, if you know what I mean,” he loudly whispers while trying to wink at me but it’s more like slow blinking with both eyes.

“Is that so? And who would that be?”

I’m not completely opposed to a final romp in the sack before I go. I’ve had my share of fun times with a few local girls.

“Jenny.” He says her name like a fourteen-year-old girl talking about her crush at a slumber party.

Owen points not so subtly in Jenny’s direction where she’s watching me over the rim of her glass. Her Barbie pink lips wrapping around a thin straw and sucking.

Jenny’s not bad. Not clingy, discreet. She’s managed to indulge my kink a time or two. Not to the extent that I want, but enough to satisfy my urge. Bondage and shibari rope tying isn’t something most people understand. They think tying the wrists to the headboard is kinky. That’s barely a blip on my radar. But everyone has a limit and Jenny’s is a little higher than most.

I consider how the night would go if I were to go back to her place, because there’s no way I’m taking her to my boat. Idid that once before and learned that I get more shit talk from Bambi and Gigi when they witness the walk of shame. So, going to the girl’s place and sneaking onto my boat in the middle of the night when everyone’s asleep, is best.

Bambi’s sullen face from earlier, when we were talking about me leaving, flashes in my mind and instantly douses any idea I have about going to Jenny’s tonight. I break eye contact with Jenny and turn back to Owen.

“No thanks. I think I’d rather be alone tonight. Lots to do tomorrow and all that.”

He barely hears my excuse before he’s guffawing, clearly not interested in why I’m saying no.

“Come on man, you never said no to Jenny before.”

Yeah, well that’s when she was paying me and helping to fund my boat refurbishment.

There was a time when I was willing to sell my “services” for a price. I needed extra money to pay for my boat, and getting paid for something that I would do for free seemed like the fastest and easiest option. It’s not something I’m proud of, and it’s definitely something I will never tell my best friends about.

I may have been willing to have sex for money but that doesn’t mean I was proud of it.

“Not interested man. If you’re so gung-ho about it, why don’t you go home with her? Better yet, take herandLexi.”

Owen freezes and I can see his mind whirring trying to figure out the logistics of making that happen. Now that he’s got the idea in his head, he’s going to run with it. Especially since he’s drunk.