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“Yes.”

“You were swept up?” She took a big bite of her sandwich.

“Yes.”

“There’s no sweeping up happening. He’s... He’s a mess. He’s a disaster cowboy. He is absolutely and completely not available. And even if he were, I’m leaving. And I guess that is the point. I don’t think he’s the kind of guy I could leave lightly. I’ve had feelings for him since I was in middle school.”

“You cannot have sex with another guy while you have feelings for Gideon.”

She stared at the turkey and mayo. It was very normal. This conversation wasn’t. “I’m going to have to. Because I’m going to have feelings for Gideon for the rest of my life. I just have always had them. And when I saw him standing there, I tried to pretend that I didn’t. And he was so different, he is so different. What the years have done to him is so cruel, and I still think he’s so beautiful. And he is so kind to me. He’s just always listened. That doesn’t equal attraction. I think I’m like a sister to him. And on top of that, Lydia is my best friend.”

She wished she could stuff those words back in. Not just so she could go back and have her sister not hear them, but so she wouldn’t have to sit there with them, either. They were too real. Too desperately true.

“Do you think Lydia would be mad?” Quinn asked.

She took another bite of her sandwich.

“No,” she said, considering. “But honestly, it’s just so far-fetched I can’t even wrap my head around what Lydia might or might not be. Anyway,” Rory continued. “I just wanted to ask some questions. Or maybe I just wanted to feel like I wasn’t by myself. Crazy. Because I feel very alone. You’re all with somebody, except Fia. But I don’t get the feeling that Fia is unaware of the realities of what happens between men and women.”

“No,” said Quinn. “I don’t think so. I have a feeling that Fia isn’t all that naive. But maybe that’s not the best thing.”

Rory nodded because she did feel like that was a deep truth.

“Do you ever wonder if she and Landry didn’t actually have a big breakup?” Quinn asked.

Rory frowned. “Oh. I... No, I hadn’t.”

“I didn’t, until recently. Until Levi. I thought that her hostility with Landry could only mean one thing. And now I’m not so sure. Because it doesn’t seem like a fun tension.”

“I figured he broke her heart.”

“It just seems like more than that to me. I figured they had sex in high school. Or didn’t. And they wanted it but it...seems way deeper than that.”

She didn’t know what to do now that this new thought had been introduced to her. Because she had to admit, it made her wonder.

But how could Fia keep that entirely to herself? The rest of them couldn’t keep any secrets.

She kept having to reevaluate things. Recast them. And it was making her wonder if her take on the world and herself was entirely accurate. Oh, she knew that her feelings were real enough. They always had been.

But she had to wonder if she put a little bit too much stock in the opinions of others.

Even while thinking she didn’t.

“Just promise me something, Rory,” said Quinn, as Rory finished her sandwich.

“What’s that?”

“Promise me that you’re not going to have sex just to have sex. Because I just feel like you’re rushing to something because you’re afraid of what you actually want.”

“I’m fine,” she said.

She shoved the last bite of sandwich in her mouth and stood up, hugging her sister. “You don’t need to worry about me. If I have sex with the wrong guy, I’ll get over it.”

“Yeah, all right. But is there a reason you’re planning to?”

“Maybe I want something bigger than passion. I need to prove something to myself.”

“Okay, Rory. I can appreciate that.”