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When the parade of cars was done, the kid at the end of the block was left looking up sadly at the balloons, as if it only just occurred to him that balloons weren’t boomerangs, and when you released them, they didn’t come back.

And when she turned her attention away from the kid to where Gideon had been, Gideon was gone.

She turned and started to walk in the direction she thought he might have gone in, but Lydia approached and grabbed hold of her. “Well, that was...not good.”

“Yes,” Rory agreed.

“He isn’t even the same person anymore, Ro. I don’t know what to do.”

She had been thinking a similar thing, but she felt immediately defensive. “Nobody asked him if that’s what he wanted. You know that’s why he ended up coming and laying low for a few days.”

“I know but...everyone is excited to see him. Why can’t he... Why can’t he pretend to enjoy it?”

“Because he can’t pretend.” Rory knew it. Just from the little bit of interaction she’d had with him, she knew that.

Lydia looked contrite. “I know. Nobody has ever once offered to throw me a parade. They never even come close. So I guess it’s hard for me to imagine getting treated that special and not caring.” She grimaced. “I think that’s part of my issue with all this. I don’t want him to not be him. I also always wished I were him, a little bit. Don’t get me wrong, I had it good. I always have. But he... He’s Gideon Payne. Everyone pales in comparison.”

“I get that,” Rory said. “I don’t think it’s not caring. But it wasn’tforhim. It was for everybody else here. Because if it was really for him, then they would have asked what he wanted, right?”

“He would’ve liked it. He liked it when they sent him off the first time.”

“He was eighteen. And he isn’t now. Do you want the same things now that you did when you were eighteen?”

“Some of them,” said Lydia.

“I don’t. When I was eighteen, I just wanted to be safe. I went to college, but what I wanted was to not be uncomfortable. And I don’t want that anymore. I’m completely different. Inside. Now I’m working to figure out how to be different outside. It’s okay to not be the person that you were.”

She didn’t know why she was defending him. Or why she was acting like she knew. It was just that she kept seeing his tortured expression from yesterday, the blankness from today.

He was...he was quite frankly the most amazing person she’d ever known back when she was younger.

She’d had a crush on him. But more than that, she’d been awed by him like everyone else was. Seeing him like this now did something to her. Something beyond words.

He had been formative to her. She’d never felt important. But during the drive to school, he’d made her feel like she might be. He’d listened to her. He’d let her talk his ear off. And maybe he didn’t really remember it now, but she did.

She didn’t want to just leave him in this state. And somehow it felt inextricably linked to her own shift. She needed change. He did, too.

She wanted...she wanted to help. It was more than an item on a list. She’d seen his desolation. It mattered to her.

“Okay. Point taken,” Lydia said. “I won’t be grumpy at him. It was just... I was excited to spend some time with him and everything kind of intruded.”

“Well, you should go over to Sullivan’s Point and have a visit. The cabin is isolated. It might be a good way for you guys to catch up.”

“Yeah, maybe,” she said.

“I could talk to him...”

“I send you to have one conversation with my brother and suddenly you’re an expert on him?”

There wasn’t any heat in Lydia’s words. She could just see that maybe she was confused and a little bit exasperated.

“You two were always close before.”

“Yes,” said Lydia. “Before. He used to be easy. He was the kind of person that made you feel like no time had passed since you’d seen him. And now it’s just obvious that I haven’t seen my brother in a couple of years. And that maybe we don’t have a very close relationship. And I don’t know him very well. The way he was before, he made everybody feel like they knew him. He was magic like that. And now he’s...he’s not that.”

She could see that. And she could understand why it was upsetting. To feel like maybe you’d misread a relationship your whole life.

“I guess you just have to figure out how to meet him where he’s at.”