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“Okay. Then I won’t do that.”

“Good. You’re teachable. You’ll end up somewhere in the world.”

“I hope so,” she said.

Silence settled between them.

“I get why I feel out of place now.” He looked at her like he was really trying to see her. She didn’t think anyone had ever done that before.

“Why do you feel like you’re wrong, Rory?”

“Well, you may recall in middle school I was so skinny I think the nicest nickname I got called was Pimento Toothpick. Because you know, the red hair. And I had huge glasses, and braces, and I tripped over my feet when I tried to run. The only thing I was ever a champion of was the awkward phase.”

“I don’t remember that,” he said. “I remember you talked a lot, and I liked hearing you.”

She went still. “You did?”

“Yeah. It was always fun driving you and Lydia to school. You read a lot, both of you, and you talked about books and movies. I never had time for movies, and I didn’t have time for books. I was always at football practice or track, or...making out with a girl. I would never have admitted it, but I liked hanging out with both of you. You didn’t treat me like I was special. You were both...annoying sisters.”

“That was almost very nice. Until the annoying part.”

“I mean that in a good way. I didn’t think you were weird. You were...the most normal part of my life.”

She lowered her head and couldn’t hold back her smile, even if it was a little rueful. Her being normal was good to him. She looked back up and caught his gaze and her heart slowed, then sped up. She looked away again. “All these things other people seem to be able to do so easily, and I can’t do them. I couldn’t climb Grizzly Peak when I was in tenth grade.”

“It’s a shitty hike to take high schoolers on.”

“You probably did it at the front of the pack.”

“Of course I did. For the glory on the other side. I can’t tell you if I remember anything about the hike except that I got there first. That’s not better. That’s just... I wasn’t the best on accident. I needed to be the best. It’s what motivated me to do anything. Maybe that’s why I don’t want the parade now. Because it reminds me too much of that guy. Who wanted to do the most dangerous thing. Who wanted to do something in the fastest time. Who wanted to drink the most shots of whiskey. Who didn’t listen to danger. Didn’t give a fuck about it. Because I thought I was bulletproof. I wasn’t. And now I can never get back to the way that I used to think about things.”

“Are you telling me that nobody has it together?”

“Yeah. That’s what I’m telling you. It’s just that some people hide it behind shields that the people around them like better. But when you meet up against something that defeats you? All you have is what’s inside, and then you’re left with all the stuff you never dealt with. All the bad things about who you are. It’s not the best, Rory.”

She stared at him for a long moment, and something started to open up in her chest. A sense of longing so deep she could hardly breathe past it.

His gaze went dark, and he looked down at her mouth. For a second. Barely a breath. She took a step toward him and he jerked back like she’d threatened him with a loaded weapon.

“Don’t,” he said, his voice hard.

Oh. Oh, she’d shown him that she was attracted to him and he was horrified by it.

Great. Just great.

“I have to go. I have things. Things to do,” she said.

“You don’t have to leave on my account.”

“No. It’s me. It is.”

Itwasher. It was her staring at him and realizing how handsome he was. It was her being unguarded when she really couldn’t afford to be right now. And not with him. Never with him.

It was her being a fool. That was all.

So she walked away as quickly as possible, and she knew she was doing another one of those things that seemed abrupt and strange, but she couldn’t help herself.

You’re running away.