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CHAPTER FOUR

GIDEONWASSTILLreeling from coming face-to-face with the angel that had stopped him in his tracks in the woods. Still knocked on his ass from having to face the reality of the fact that his little sister’s best friend had been the one to knock the libido back into him on a sunny day when he hadnot fucking asked for it, thank you very much.

And that was when his sister called. Mad.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you’re here?”

He sighed. “I needed a couple of days.”

This reminded him of the darker days, when he’d been secretive because he had to be. He’d been full of shame. He’d been hiding things on purpose. But since he’d made amends with all of that, as best he could, he didn’t believe in taking on shame he hadn’t earned.

So, he was going to be up-front about his reasoning with Lydia, even though he could hear the hurt in her voice.

“And you couldn’t tell us that you were here?”

“No. Because being back home is kind of a loaded thing for me. I know you might not get that, but it is. I’m not the same person that I was when I left.”

“I know, Gideon,” she said softly. “You haven’t been the same person for a while. I just wish you would let me...know you.”

“I’m sorry. I’m still figuring this out. I needed time. Because you know, everyone here is going to expect me to be...me. And I’m not. I needed time to be here and get my bearings before I jumped into the middle of this.”

Before he jumped into being back here as performance art, which it was bound to become.

He hadn’t been unaware of that when he’d decided to come back here.

But it had been an uneasy bargain.

It was the kind of choice you made when all your choices were dead ends and this one might, maybe, actually be something.

That moment in the woods...when he’d seen her, and she’d seen him. That had been the most pure, clear moment he’d had for a long damned time.

But it hadn’t been clear. Not really. Because she wasn’t an angel, she was Rory. And no matter how much his body might like it, he wasn’t going to get anywhere near her.

He’d ruined Cassidy’s life, but at least he hadn’t known he was a ticking time bomb—bad analogy but still—when he’d married her. He knew it now. Rory was off-limits.

“We’re your family.We’renot a town that has blown you up into this weird, out-of-proportion hero.”

He had to hand it to Lydia for getting to the heart of the matter.

The problem was there was more to this matter than just the heart of it.

His mom and Lydia hadn’t spent any time with him since the accident—by design, he hadn’t wanted to expose them to his worst, thanks. But he was different and he didn’t know if they were prepared for that or not.

You could have prepared them.

Rory had looked at him like he was a stranger.

Well. In the woods, she’d looked at him like...

No.

Back in the day she’d been a sweet kid. Chatty. Endlessly, but he’d liked it.

She’d had a crush on him, which he’d thought was cute. There had been some drama at her school about it and he’d felt like he needed to stand up for her because...she was a kid. A crush was harmless. She’d been sweet and she certainly hadn’t deserved to be treated like that.

When she’d shown up at the house, he’d been unfriendly to her and he felt bad about it, but it was like he couldn’t make his face work the way it used to. Couldn’t find it in him to smile. Not even for the girl who’d made him pie.

What a dick.