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“It’s nice to meet you,” Ashlee said, giving Trissa a warm smile.
“You too.” Trissa came over to give Ashlee one of those small hugs that women sometimes gave to each other but looked weird when men tried to do it. Or maybe that was just the men in my family.
“When are we going to eat?”
Leave it to an eight-year-old boy to say the one thing that could move things along before they could get even more awkward.
We’d made it all the way up to dessert without anyone shouting, throwing things, or mentioning Calah. That alone would’ve made it a win in my book. Granted, the conversation had gotten a bit stilted a few times, but each time, Jacob had inevitably said something that had made us laugh, and things became smooth again for a little while.
Then there was my little toy, and the reactions only I noticed. I’d intentionally picked this specific model of bullet vibrator because it was subtle enough to be used in public without anyone hearing it. Only the slightest changes to Ashlee’s breathing when I pressed the button indicated that it was working.
I’d kept it to only a few seconds every ten or fifteen minutes until this last time when I’d let it go a little longer. She’d grabbed my leg under the table, squeezing until I’d clicked it off, then excused herself to the restroom.
I’d been tempted to follow, if only to see just how wet she was, but my family had been watching me closely all night, and I had no doubt they’d know where I went if I disappeared. Aside from embarrassing Ashlee, it would’ve felt disrespectful, hooking up with my girlfriend in my childhood home. What I was already doing toed the line enough for me.
Now, as I waited for her to come back, Mom and Julia went to the kitchen to get dessert, and I listened to Catherine talking about how excited she was for the new Golden Words release. I made a mental note to get a signed souvenir for her and to thank Mom for making sure my niece and nephew knew at least a little about me, even though I hadn’t been around.
“Gramma says that when I’m older, maybe you can get tickets to a concert for me.” Catherine glanced at her dad as she spoke, and I wondered if David would allow it. I hoped he would, for Catherine’s sake at least.
I hadn’t realized just how much I’d been missing out on until I was sitting right in the middle of it. I’d buried myself in my work long before I’d started Manhattan Records. For as long as I could remember, I’d tried to find something I could do well, something to excel at. I’d wanted to prove that I was worthy of my family’s attention.
I hadn’t been neglected, but I’d always known that I was…out of place. David had been Dad’s little helper since he could walk. Joshua was Mom’s baby. Neither one of them had ever needed to do much to get our parents’ attention. Or so I’d always thought. Now, I couldn’t figure out how much of that had been the truth, and how much had just been the way I’d seen the world.
Even after we’d become estranged, I’d kept pushing myself. I’d told myself it wasn’t because I needed to prove myself anymore. I did it because I liked working hard. I liked earning money. I liked the way people looked at me when they knew how important I was.
Sitting here, talking to Catherine, waiting for Ashlee, seeing my family all together…I couldn’t help but think that maybe I needed to sort out my priorities and decide what I truly wanted out of my life.
Twenty-Eight
Ashlee
I didn’t know if I hated Nate’s new toy or loved it.
He hadn’t used it to the point where it’d hurt or that I’d actually climaxed, but it’d certainly been enough that my new panties had been soaked through before we’d made it to dessert. I’d even had to excuse myself, so I could dry myself off as much as possible before returning to the table. I’d never been so grateful for denim in my life. If I’d been wearing something thin, I would’ve been completely humiliated.
All of that, though, I’d endured willingly, safe in the knowledge that all I’d needed to do was whisper my safe word and Nate would’ve immediately stopped. I’d seen the emotions on his face each time he’d pressed the button, and I hadn’t asked him to stop.
It’d been that one thing that’d kept my safe word locked away. The pride he’d had in me had been part of it, but more than that had been the relief I’d seen underneath every time he’d pressed the button.
I’d given that to him. By allowing him that control, I’d helped him face something difficult in a way that no one else could have. I’d taken care of him the way he’d been taking care of me.
Now, as I followed Nate out to the car, I barely felt the chill of the wind. The warmth curling inside me wasn’t something the weather could touch. I’d felt similar heat before, but it had always been the result of Nate’s attentions on me. Granted, he’d been paying attention to me tonight, but it hadn’t been about me this time. It’d been for him.
Was this how it was for him? The way it felt to take care of someone in a way that a lot of people couldn’t understand. People got things like bringing someone food, cleaning up, fixing something, that sort of thing. Not many people understood that there was another way to care for someone. Hell, I hadn’t understood it before Nate. Not really.
“Thank you,” Nate said as he pulled away from the curb. He glanced at me, something softer in his eyes than usual. “I don’t know if I could’ve gotten through tonight without you.”
I reached over to take his hand, and he threaded his fingers between mine, the gesture feeling almost completely natural. I wondered how long it would take for me to not have a thrill run through me when we touched or if it would ever go away.
I hoped it wouldn’t.
“Thank you for letting me help you tonight.” I ran my thumb back and forth across his skin.
He gave me a sideways look. “And how are you feeling about that help?”
I blushed. “Honestly, I’m feeling a bit…wound up.”
He chuckled at my word choice. “I know the feeling.” He raised our hands and kissed mine, then went back to weaving his way through the New York traffic. “Would you like to come back to my place and…unwind?”