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Shit.
“Never mind,” I said quickly. “I shouldn’t ask–”
“Finley.”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have even brought it up. You don’t need to get involved in this.”
“I’ve actually been wondering when you were going to bring him up.”
He didn’t sound annoyed, which was a good thing.
“It doesn’t have to be now,” I said. “And you can tell me that you don’t want to get involved. I don’t want to put you in an awkward position. I know Finley’s your friend.”
“And he’s your father.” His voice was soft, almost gentle. “It’s okay to want to know him.”
I twisted the cloth napkin on my lap. “I just don’t want to mess things up with you and him.”
“It won’t. Finley’s not like that.”
Hope flickered in my chest. “Do you think he’ll want to know me?”
Nate smiled, and it was a real one. I still saw shadows in his eyes, but he was present right now. “I think he’s going to love you.”
“Really?”
I didn’t actually doubt the veracity of Nate’s answer, but I needed the reassurance. I’d already had one parent walk out on me. It wasn’t unexpected for me to think another might too. Especially since Finley had been making an anonymous…donation. There was a difference between logically knowing that a child could result from it and an actual, real person claiming to be a result of a decision made more than twenty-four years ago.
Nate reached out and took my hand, lacing his fingers between mine. His expression was serious, and I was grateful that he wasn’t blowing off my concerns. It would be easy for him to want to consider the ways this thing could screw up his company dynamic, but he was completely focused on what I needed from him.
“I’ve known Finley for a long time,” Nate said. “He’s the best man I know. Hell, he’s the best person I know, second only to you.” He raised my hand and brushed a kiss across my knuckles.
“There’s a big difference between a man who’s a great business partner and a man who suddenly finds out that a woman who’s been working at his company for a few years is actually his daughter by way of a sperm bank.” My cheeks flushed as I said the last two words, eyes automatically darting around to see if anyone had come into the room in time to overhear something so personal.
This wasn’t exactly dinner date conversation.
“Finley and I met during a pretty dark time in my life.” Nate appeared to be choosing his words carefully. “He didn’t have to take a chance on me, either as a business partner or as a friend, but he didn’t even hesitate. He saw things in me that no one else ever had.”
My stomach did an anxious flip. I’d known Nate and Finley were close, but I’d never heard him talk about anyone like this, not even his family. I didn’t know if I could do this now. What if my telling Finley that I was his daughter drove a wedge between Finley and Nate? While Nate hadn’t been keeping this secret from Finley as long as I had, the fact remained that it was a secret, and a big one at that.
“I shouldn’t have told you,” I blurted out. “Or at the very least, I shouldn’t have expected you to keep this secret for me.”
“I’m glad you told me.” Nate tightened his grip on my fingers. “If you hadn’t, I would still think you’d been stalking me, and we wouldn’t be here right now.”
He had a fair point. Still… “I just hate that you had to lie to your friend.”
“It’s fine,” he insisted. “This is your secret to tell, not mine.”
Unfortunately, that didn’t make me feel any less guilty. I wasn’t the sort of person who had tons of friends, but I at least had a great relationship with my mom. From what I could tell, Nate didn’t have that.
Something had happened between him and his family that had broken things. He never talked about spending time with anyone else or talking to anyone. As far as I knew, Finley was it.
“Finley doesn’t talk much about his personal life,” Nate said. “He doesn’t hide the fact that he’s gay, but he doesn’t exactly live out in the open either. Any relationships he has are always discreet, and he rarely takes dates out in public. But, on the rare occasions that our talks about the future of Manhattan Records has drifted into personal territory, he’s told me a few things. Like, how even with laws changing, he doesn’t see himself getting married, and he definitely doesn’t see himself raising a child.”
I wasn’t sure how that was supposed to help me, but I held my tongue. Nate always had a purpose for whatever he said or did.
“But he still wants a family.”
When he didn’t offer any further explanation, I asked, “How do you know that? If he doesn’t want to get married or have a kid…I don’t understand.”