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“I understand,” she said. “We got caught up in the moment. Neither of us was thinking clearly. It happens.”
I almost snorted. “Not to me. I can honestly say that I’ve never done that before. Not even when I was drunk.”
Her eyebrows went up. “I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel about that.”
I laughed and reached across the table to cover her hand with mine. “Let’s just say you’re the only one who’s made me forget myself like that.”
She blushed, and I wondered what it had been like for her, to feel me without anything between us.
“I might not be experienced, but I know there are some things we should have talked about before we slept together. We did this thing backwards.”
All I could think about was how I wanted to tear that shirt off and take her right here on this table, and here she was talking calmly about birth control. My gaze fell onto her hands, and she twisted her fingers together, the gesture telling me she wasn’t as cool about this as she seemed.
“Since I’ve never had any other partners, I don’t have any STDs,” she continued. “No drug use either.”
“I was tested after I ended things with Roma,” I said, trying to match her attitude. “I’m clean.”
“Good.” She let out a breath. “That’s good.”
I wasn’t sure if I should’ve been insulted by that or not. Was she relieved because she’d thought I might have given her something? I gritted my teeth, but I had to admit that she had a reason to be concerned. I had fucked a lot of women, and she had no way of knowing how careful I always was.
“I just started birth control,” she said, her eyes darting up to my face. “It’s not effective right away–”
“Ashlee.” I stood and walked over to her. I cupped her chin and tipped her head back. “Look at me, le soleil.” I waited until she did as I said. “I will keep you safe.” I kissed her forehead. “I promise.”
I meant the words I said to her, but I made the vow to myself as well. I was supposed to protect her, and I’d screwed up. I wouldn’t do it again.
Two
Ashlee
So…this was what a ‘morning after’ conversation was like.
I had to admit, when I’d first woken up this morning and found myself alone in bed, I’d almost thought I’d imagined the whole thing. Some strange erotic dream brought about by romantic notions that Nate would go to all the effort of tracking me down and surprising me.
Then I’d felt the ache between my legs and smelled Nate’s familiar scent on the sheets, and I knew I hadn’t made it up. He’d come to find me. Okay, our reunion had started off rocky because of some stupid misunderstandings, but it had ended with a bang.
Two bangs for me.
I couldn’t help but smile at the memory. In only a couple weeks, I’d gone from being a virgin to having sex against a door. I might not have planned any of this, but I’d sure picked a good person to be my first. Sure, he had issues, but who didn’t. At least we were both on the same page.
Maybe.
Probably another thing we should talk about.
“Is that a good smile?” Nate’s voice cut into my thoughts. “Or more like you’re imagining the ways your mom is going to cut my balls off for having had my way with her daughter?”
Startled, I looked up to see him laughing, dark eyes dancing with a humor I hadn’t seen before. Wicked smiles and laughter, yes, but this, not so much. I’d never imagined he could go from protective and sweet to this sort of teasing. My heart twisted at the sight of him like this.
Smiling. Happy. With me.
I’d never met anyone who could tie me up in knots like this. If I wasn’t careful, I was going to go too far, care too much, and when he inevitably tired of me, I’d lose more than just him. I didn’t want to close myself off from him, but I’d seen firsthand what happened when one person was more invested than the other.
I wasn’t going to let that happen to me.
“There’s no way to ask this without sounding like one of those girls,” I said, hating that I was about to bring down the mood, “so I guess I’ll just come right out with it. What does this mean?”
He sat back down, a strange expression on his face, one that I couldn’t quite read. “‘This?’” he echoed.