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I am totally fat, horrible, unlovable. No reason to lose weight anymore. Who cares?

Pigged out on oven chips, smiley faces, Chicago Town pizzas, sour cream dip and crisps – all the usual stuff round Mum and Dad’s.

I ate so much even Mum was worried. Well – she told me to slow down anyway. I think because there were no Pringles left and she likes to eat a tube while she’s watchingThe Apprentice.

No one seemed surprised that Sadie was pregnant. I even wondered if everyone knew already, but I think Brandi at least would have told me. She’s rubbish at keeping secrets.

Mum said she hoped Sadie would have triplets with huge heads.

I keep having niggling thoughts about Sadie.

I mean – yes, I hate her. She’s ruined my life and Daisy’s chance of a happy family. But if she’s pregnant and alone … I mean, that’s pretty awful.

Tuesday July 14th

Grilled Althea about the pregnancy.

But she had nothing more to report. Her gay make-up artist friend is playing Captain Pork Chop on a cruise ship and had no phone reception.

Wednesday July 15th

ARG!!!

Got a letter today from the Jolly-Piggott family solicitors. They’re asking for a DNA test for Daisy.

The BASTARDS!!!

I rang Nick twenty times, but he didn’t (wouldn’t) answer.

So I drove round to Helen’s house and thumped on the door until the stained glass rattled.

When Helen answered, she looked down her long bird nose at my Ugg boots and pyjamas and said, ‘You’d better come inside before anyone sees you.’

The Jolly-Piggotts were having their kitchen redone. There were tile samples everywhere with Helen’s manic biro scrawl on the back,

Dreadful.

Ghastly.

Christ – looks like a Manchester council estate.

I raged about the letter and the DNA test.

Helen put on her serious glasses and pretended to look at the letter. I could tell she knew exactly what it said, because after a two-second glance she said, ‘Just standard legal procedure. Nothing personal. Our solicitor thought it best.’

I told her it didn’t get more personal than questioning myvirtue. Not sure why I used that word. Think I’ve been watching too muchDownton Abbey…

‘You have to understand,’ Helen said. ‘Nicholas could havetwochildren to support soon. We need to make sure things are clear.’

I asked whether Sadie would do a DNA test when the baby came.

Helen said she was ‘fully on board’. Which I suppose means yes.

Sadie won’t care about her honesty being questioned. Only how much money she can make.

I roared at Helen that Nick would have to pay for his daughter.

She said, ‘As long as Daisyishis daughter.’