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Althea phoned today. She’d seen Nick and Sadie shopping in Harrods.

Apparently, they were at the oyster bar drinking champagne.

Sadie looked quite pregnant, but still thin apparently.

I was really pissed off. I’d hoped that Sadie would have puffed up like a sumo wrestler by now. And Nick never took me to fancy places like Harrods.

Apparently, Althea asked Nick (in a big loud voice) if he’d paid any child support yet.

She’s a good friend.

But then Wolfgang got ‘collared’ by a security guard and she had to leave.

The staff at Harrods don’t share Althea’s view about freedom of expression.

Saturday October 17th

Some nights I think I can run forever. And some nights I can barely do ten minutes without hating it and swearing to myself and wishing I’d never promised Daisy I’d do the sodding marathon.

Tonight was one of those nights. I only managed one jog around the village, then staggered home.

Sunday October 18th

Brandi cooked the family tea tonight. She’s practising because she has a crush on the man who hosts Master Chef.

She did us nachos with squeezy cheese sauce and salsa – all from jars and packets.

For dessert, she made us a tower of ginger-nut biscuits stuck together with squirty cream and finished with hundreds and thousands.

Mum and Callum loved it. Although Callum was bouncing off the walls by the end. We sent him outside to jump on the trampoline before bed.

Mum asked if I’d heard anything about Nick paying maintenance.

I said I hadn’t, but told her about my new solicitor courtesy of Alex Dalton.

Everyone was impressed.

‘Alex must fancy you,’ Mum decided.

I told her I wasn’t in his league.

Mum hefted her boobs up in her Lycra bodysuit and said, ‘Men don’t care about leagues. They care about sex, beer and sport. In that order.’

Dad frowned and said, ‘What about wildlife? And star constellations? And die-cast models?’

Mum said, ‘All men except your father.’

Monday October 19th

Daisy had a cold today and WOULD NOT NAP.

Rocked, patted, jiggled and eventually shouted. Nothing worked. In the end I bundled Daisy in the stroller and went for a run around the village.

When I got back, she still hadn’t fallen asleep. But I had managed to run six miles.

Result!

Tuesday October 20th