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Bastard, bastard, bastard.

I shouted a load of abuse at him, hung up, then thumped the phone on the pillow.

Tuesday July 7th

Still too embarrassed to go out in the village.

I’ve been hiding at the pub, stuffing my face with comfort food. It’s not difficult. The fridge is full of cheesecake, dips, sausage rolls, pork pies and Coca-Cola.

I’m going to be as big as Mum soon, but I couldn’t care less.

Wednesday July 8th

What a mess my life is.

Dad asked me today if I’d thought about the legal side of things.

I hadn’t.

But I suppose I should.

Like Dad says, I should make sure I get custody of Daisy. And make Nick pay maintenance. I doubt Nick will give us much though. Unless he borrows money from Helen.

Thursday July 9th

I can’t get what Nick said out of my head.

‘I just go with my heart.’

Doeshe love her? I mean, what else could that mean?

All I can think about today is Nick and Sadie.

Some crazy part of me wants to know all the details. How many times did they do it? When? Where? Does he love her? Does she love him? How long has it been going on?

Althea has turned spy for me because she’s friends with Sadie’s gay make-up friend, Rylan.

Apparently, Sadie and Nick have been seen together loads of times around Soho.

Ugh. To be so brazen about it … they must have so little respect for me.

Sadie told Rylan that she and Nick had sex at her apartment because Nick’s mother was always dropping in at his place. No mention that the mother of his child was there too.

How could she do this to me? After everything I’ve done for her.

Althea says she’ll try and find out more. But she warned me I might not want to know.

I told Althea what Nick has said.

Sorry about all this Jules. I just go with my heart.

She exploded and said he was always a thoughtless, tactless bastard.

I said, ‘But do you think that means he loves her?’

Althea said, ‘Nick doesn’t love anyone but himself.’

I said, ‘What about Daisy?’