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And that scares the shit out of me.

The only thing that scares me more is losing her. So what choice do I have? I’ve faced that icy current once before and it drags me out to a sea I don’t want to swim in.

I wait for my erection to slowly subside rather than taking care of it myself. Denying myself the orgasm I want so badly seems fitting, given how that played out.

I hope Billy and the rest of my staff are coping and can handle things for as long as this takes me. Because no matter what, I’m not going back to Kraken Cove unless Olivia is coming with me.

The first step is working out where she lives. I should feel worse about that but I’m not doing it to be a creep. I tell myself that as I lie on top of the covers, unable to sleep.

By morning, I’ve narrowed it down to a district, and that gives me enough of a start. I’m going to put everything I learned about her in person and on social media to use until I track her down and convince her I’m for real. That she can trust me.

That I’m not going to cock it up again this time.

By lunch time I’ve scouted the local area, found a deli café with an extensive vegan menu and talked the manager into hiring me as a dish pig. I’ll need a reason to hang around and figureI could use some cash. I don’t technically have a work visa, but cash in hand is pretty standard in the industry. She would have been a fool to turn me down after I showed her how I’d shift and get four times the work done that a human would in the same amount of time. I don’t even have to mention I have previous industry experience. To be honest, she’d probably think it was weird that a qualified chef wants to work as her dish pig.

I guess sometimes being a monster has its advantages.

Olivia

I hide in my room the next day like a spooked animal, afraid of what I’ll do if I see him again. It was so, so tempting to let him kiss away all the hurt and win me over with the words I’ve been dreaming of hearing. But Noah isn’t a guy who knows how to be in a relationship. He has told me himself he’s spent his whole adult life avoiding them.

What good to me is a guy like that?

Because he’s right about one thing. I am the wife type. I get feelings. I fall in love. And I want someone who’s going to love me right back just the way I deserve.

At dinner time I’m quiet and I push the vegan curry Trish made around my plate with my fork rather than eat. It smells lovely. It’s a rich dal and she’s made handmade breads and sides, and they even cracked open their most recent batch of kombucha. I just can’t stomach anything right now.

“Honey, did something happen yesterday?” Mom says eventually.

I look up to find them both watching me, their faces full of concern.

“No. Yes. I don’t know. I saw Noah.”

They exchange a worried look. In the time I’ve been back home, I filled both Mom and Trish in about what happened while I was in Australia.

“You mean he called?” Trish asks.

“No, I mean he came all the way here and found me at Nikkei Sol last night and then we…” I flush, looking down into my dal.

Mom makes a humming noise.

Trish sets down her fork. “He flew all the way here? Did he have business in the US?”

“No,” I say miserably. “I think he flew all the way here for me. OK, I know he did. Well, that’s what he said only—”

“Only he’s let you down before?”

“Mhmm. And I think that’s a bad sign.”

“Sweetheart, I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but sometimes, just sometimes people change.”

“Huh?”

“Well,” Mom shifts in her seat. “Take me and Trish.”

I laugh. “Mom, I know you didn’t always think you were gay, but I refuse to believe it wasn’t there somewhere beneath the surface.”

“No, love. I mean when we first met, we were both still with other people. We didn’t mean to, but somehow we found ourselves in a situation we never intended.”