Page 9

JEN

PRESENT

ONCE I MADEit outside of my apartment building, the sigh of relief that slipped from my lips was quickly inhaled back in as I felt the sucker-punch from the hot, humid summer air. Thank goodness it had been a beautiful day yesterday for the wedding. It was as if the angels had rewarded Alex and Kayla with a perfect day after all they had endured to reach their special moment. Then, as if sensing the stupidity I had brought down upon myself last night, they’d sent a cold front this morning, bringing with it electricity and tension-filled air. The swirling black and grey clouds perfectly matched the turmoil of emotions inside me, and knowing Tyler, I had a feeling the impending storm wasn’t going to be limited to the weather.

Despite the sticky temperatures that tried to suffocate me, I craved the kind of comfort that could only be found this early from coffee. Wiping the bead of sweat that had already gathered on my forehead, I started down the sidewalk toward the Starbucks one block south. It had become my sanctuary; the place I could get away from the loneliness of my apartment and be around people, yet not have to interact with anyone. I knew it was an odd antithesis—to crave the company of crowds, yet not actually have to engage in any conversation except the polite ‘thank you’ or ‘excuse me’ that had been ingrained into me growing up. Yep, I was a walking oxymoron, emphasis on the moron part.

I breathed a sigh of relief as the familiar green and white icon came into sight. The door swung open and was held for me by a good looking man in a dark grey suit. He smiled at me and stared appreciatively at my figure. It wasn’t that long ago I would have appreciated his second glance but not now. Other than nodding my thanks, I ignored the man and walked through the door.

Once inside, I was hit simultaneously by cool air and the aromatic scents of coffee, vanilla, and something a little spicy that I couldn’t quite distinguish, but found oddly soothing none-the-less. I was relieved to see there weren’t that many people in the store, so I would be guaranteed to find space to hide out here for a while. I took my place in the short line and studied my fellow early birds.

In one corner, there was a balding man sitting with his computer, completely engrossed in whatever he was typing. Sitting on some tall stools around a small table were a couple of young girls dressed in yoga attire with their hair pulled back in ponytails. Their makeup looked fresh and flawless, reminding me of a couple of Barbie dolls. I think the only exercise they were truly interested in was spinning a web of seduction for unsuspecting men rather than an actual spin class.

At a table near the door was an older couple, easily my grandparent’s age or more. They sat across from each other, silently reading the pages of the newspaper they shared until an employee brought them a tray. I couldn’t help but become caught up in watching their silent motions as I moved forward in line. The woman tore open a couple packets of sweetener and poured them into the coffee nearest to her, stirred, and slid the cup across the table to her husband. His eyes never left the paper, but he patted the top of her hand before she removed it. She pulled two napkins from their holder on the table and smoothed them out, placing one in front of each of them, then went back to her reading. Without missing a beat, the older gentleman put down his paper, picked up a plastic knife and split a large muffin in half. He placed one of the pieces on the napkin in front of his wife. She never questioned which piece he gave her; she just picked up the treat and took a bite while they both went back to reading their paper. No directions or contradictions were spoken. I couldn’t help but be in awe; it was like watching a long-practiced choreography between two players no longer needing a script, both trusting the other’s actions. Neither doubted the placement or outcome of the scene. I wondered what their secret was, what the glue was that held them together when so many other couples failed.

It was in such contrast to my life. I always wanted a similar script, one that would lead to the same happy, quiet contentment as the older couple. But lately it felt as my life had abandoned those lines, leaving my story open to anyone to improvise. The result had turned my life-long romantic fairytale dreams into a comedy of errors.

Wait. Comedy? Hardly! There hadn’t been much of anything in my personal life to laugh about of late.

“Ma’am?” I brought my attention back to the barista who was waiting patiently for my order.

“I’d like a Grande white chocolate mocha, please, and a chocolate chip muffin,” I requested as I dug for my wallet. It was definitely a morning to go with chocolate, I decided, ignoring the fruit cups like those in front of the Gym Barbies near the door. I gave the girl behind the counter my name and smirked as I watched her write ‘Jan’ on the cup before she passed it down the counter.

I settled in at a small table in a corner near the window. The sky had grown even darker. I heard a rumble of thunder as another customer walked in the door. Finally, the Starbucks version of my name was called. I swiped up the steaming cup and returned to my table. I took one more peek at the older couple and pulled a napkin out for myself. Sighing, I bit into my pastry.

I didn’t use to mind being on my own, but over the past several months I remembered I wasn’t very good company for myself. Kayla thought I’d been doing her a favor when I suggested she move in with me after some circumstances in her life made her want to move and start over. What she didn’t know was I needed her company just as much. She not only added company but the security that came with knowing someone would care if I wasn’t around. After Kayla had moved in with Alex and Aiden, the new and ever-present silence in the apartment allowed too many unwanted memories and lost dreams to grow louder. Hence, I had become a frequent customer at various commercial institutions like this one or the gym.Or begging Tyler to make me forget.

As I sipped the sweet warmth, I closed my eyes and rolled my head, trying to relieve the pinch I felt in the middle of my neck. I felt my shoulders begin to descend from around my neck. I hadn’t even realized how tense I had been. Suddenly, the air seemed to almost vibrate with tension, and a sudden crack of thunder exploded outside. Startled, I opened my eyes.

Oh, shit!

More thunder rumbled. Or maybe it was the sound of my heart beating in my ears as my eyes focused on another set of very dark eyes glaring at me. The same eyes that knew the story of the past twelve hours, and judging from the storminess I saw in them, I don’t think they approved of the conclusion.