Page 39
Story: Starlight Wishes
My body had grown rigid as I listened to her story unfold. She collapsed back onto the couch, grabbing for a small pillow to hold as tears spilled down her cheeks. I forced myself to relax and pulled her shaking body back onto my lap. I tugged the pillow away so that she clung to me instead. “Shhh, it’s okay, Jen. You don’t have to tell me anymore if you don’t want.” But it seemed now that she had started, she couldn’t turn it off. I wasn’t even sure she heard me.
“I was so shocked I didn’t even fight back. I couldn’t imagine how I’d gotten to this state. One minute I thought he loved me and I was the luckiest girl, and the next I thought he was going to kill me.” Her voice sounded so hollow, haunted by fear and bad memories. “I didn’t even try to fight him until it was too late. He had me pinned to the bed. It hurt so badly.” She started to cry, deep choking sobs.
I knew how to put in stitches. I knew how to run tests and make a diagnosis. But I didn’t know how to heal this. Instinctively, I rocked her on my lap, crooning to her in between tender kisses that I randomly dropped on her head. “Shhh, you’re safe now, sweetheart.” Over and over, I repeated the words, helpless to do anything else.
Long moments passed as I kept the same pattern of comfort going. Eventually, her breathing evened out except for an occasional small hiccup. I didn’t speak, letting the storm pass silently.
“I remember feeling like I was going to lose consciousness.” Her words sounded more matter of fact as if she were just telling the story and no longer reliving it. “And then all at once I could breathe. It took me a few seconds to realize I no longer felt his weight on me. I heard thumps and grunts and someone yelling words like ‘asshole’ and ‘motherfucker.’ I opened my eyes and saw someone beating the shit out of Mark.”
I let out the breath I hadn’t even realized I was holding. “Who was it, baby?”
“It was Chris.”
Chris? This was the secret he couldn’t tell me?His beach comments suddenly made sense. “Kayla was worried something bad was going on, so she had asked Chris to meet her in case either of us needed him. Being the kind of guy he is, he left work and drove up, but didn’t get there until after Kayla had already left the apartment. Thank God, she called, and he listened. I don’t know what would have happened had he not shown up.”
She went on to describe how Chris had landed a punch that knocked Mark out and how he scooped her up and got her out of the apartment. “He wanted to take me home to my parents or at least to Kayla, but I begged him not to. I didn’t want them to see me as I was. I was so ashamed I hadn’t seen how Mark manipulated me, and how I turned my back on the people who’d loved me for such a long time. So he checked me into a hotel where at least Mark wouldn’t be able to find me.”
If I ever saw this bastard, I would use every skill I knew to put people back together and use them to take him apart, piece by piece. “Please tell me you called the police and pressed charges against him.”
She sat up and shook her head. She stared at the floor and mumbled, “I didn’t want to deal with any of it. After all, thanks to Chris, I’d gotten away. Mark had hurt me, yes, but mostly he had scared me. I didn’t ever want to see or deal with him again.”
I shook my head. I could understand Jen’s feelings, at least at the time. But how had Chris thought it was okay to let the bastard go?
As if she could read my mind, she grabbed my hand. “Don’t blame Chris. His first concern was getting me to a safe place. He argued and argued with me about calling the police, picking up the phone to call them himself, but I freaked out more. I think he was so rattled about everything that happened that he was willing to say anything at the moment to calm me down. In the end, he waited until I fell asleep and went back over to the apartment. He did call the police from there, but by then Mark had disappeared. The police told Chris they could document the complaint for domestic disturbance, but they couldn’t pursue it further if I wasn’t willing to press charges. Chris finally convinced me and brought me to the police station, and I filed the charges.”
“But you never found him? Never heard from him again?”
She shook her head. “No. For a few months, I’d get the weird vibe that someone was watching me, but I never saw him, so I figured it was just paranoia. It’s a large part of the reason I moved here to Charlotte. I just needed to start over again in a new place.”
We sat for several minutes, each lost in our thoughts. “Didn’t know I was so stupid, did you, Dr. Cranston?”
I tightened my hold on her. “Oh, baby, never say that. Beautiful, sweet Jen, I’m so sorry you went through that.”
Her eyelashes fluttered shut at my words. “Don’t be sorry, Tyler. It’s my own fault.”
I jerked back to look at her. “No! No, Jennifer. This is innoway your fault!” She just stared at me with glazed eyes. “He’s a fucking savage excuse for a man and an abuser of women. You are not to blame.”
She sucked in a breath at the vehemence of my tone. “I know that on a cognitive level, but my head is still a bit messed up over it. As you can see, I’m a lot to take on. I can’t deny that experience changed me. It’s made me question just about everything I do and how I judge and react to people. I’m sorry to dump all this on you, but when you started to walk away, I got so scared. I knew it was my last chance, and I . . . I didn’t want to lose you. I’ve lost too much already.”
Yes! She did care. I wanted to fist pump the air, but I refrained. “I’m glad you told me, kitten. That’s too much to keep locked inside. I’ll always be here for you. I promise you won’t lose me.”
She looked me in the eye and blurted, “You and Chris are the only people who know what happened that day. Well, other than Mark.”
“Your parents don’t know? Kayla?” I asked in amazement.
She shook her head. “I had to beg Chris not to say anything. I was finally out of the situation, Mark couldn’t be found, and I was too embarrassed to let everyone know they’d been right all along, not after I’d chosen Mark over them. It was easier just to let them believe that I realized I’d made a bad choice, which was true. They didn’t need to know all the details of just how bad or the events the led me to realize my mistake.”
“Ashamed?” I couldn’t keep my voice from rising in volume. I felt her startle. Instantly, I reigned in my anger and reached out to cup her chin, applying gentle pressure until she raised her head, and her eyes focused on mine. “You didn’t do anything wrong, baby, except to love the wrong man. He manipulated you, and you were too in love and trusting to see it.”
“But that’s just it, Tyler. Ishouldhave seen it. Several of my friends tried to tell me, especially Kayla. She never liked him and tried to convince me he was slowly separating me from my friends and family. He had to be included in every decision. Sweet, innocent, trusting Kayla could see it, and I couldn’t. I was the one with more experience in relationships. I was the one who more savvy about men and their desires. So I chalked it up to her ignorance, maybe even jealousy. I ignored all the signs, and worse I ignored my best friend who has only ever had my best interests at heart. I turned my back on my parents who’d done nothing but love me. What kind of friend and daughter does that? I deserved what happened.”
I wiped away the tear that trickled down her cheek. “Don’t ever say that, Jen. You didn’t doanythingto deserve to be treated that way.” I hoped she heard the urgency in my voice. “It’s always easier for someone outside of the situation, Jen. He lasered in on your dreams and used them against you to create an illusion, and once you were hooked, he manipulated it to his advantage.”
She gazed at me in such a way, as if she wanted to believe everything I was saying, but still had her doubts. “Trust me, kitten. Unfortunately, I’ve seen a lot of similar situations during my time in medicine.Noneof those people, including you, deserved anything that happened to them. And you know Kayla would agree. If you don’t believe me, then ask her. She loved and forgave you evennotknowing all of the circumstances. And it explains a lot about why Chris is so protective of you. Don’t punish yourself anymore, baby. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have your dreams come true, for real this time.”
Several minutes passed while I continued to hold her close to me, but I shifted my position so we could both be more comfortable. She moved easily with me, and I heard her sigh softly as she nuzzled into my chest. After awhile, she grew so still I thought she had fallen asleep, so I was surprised when I heard her speak.
“Thank you, Tyler.”
“You’re welcome, baby, but for what?”
“For not giving up on me, for waiting me out, for believing and supporting me when I told you about Mark, for taking care of me when I was sick . . . any number of things. Your choice.”
“Always, Jen. But it’s me who should be thanking you.”
I loved how her eyes shone like sapphires as she stared at me. That was definitely my new favorite color. “Huh? Um, I haven’t done anything for you except give you a hard time, cry all over you, and just be a mess,” she exclaimed.
I shook my head. “Not true. You just gave me a piece of yourself just now. You gave me your trust, and I know that’s no small thing for you.” She was no longer crying, but there was some residual moisture under her lower lashes. I cupped her face and wiped under her eyes with my thumbs, then leaned forward and kissed her mouth. Her eyes fluttered closed, and I placed a gentle kiss on each eyelid and sat back. Her eyes blinked open. “Salty kisses,” I smiled. I ran my knuckles gently over her blushing cheeks. “Don’t be afraid to give me your tears and your fears, kitten. I’m honored to take them on.”
A huge smile lit up her face. I recognized it; it was the kind she reserved only for those she truly cared about.
“I was so shocked I didn’t even fight back. I couldn’t imagine how I’d gotten to this state. One minute I thought he loved me and I was the luckiest girl, and the next I thought he was going to kill me.” Her voice sounded so hollow, haunted by fear and bad memories. “I didn’t even try to fight him until it was too late. He had me pinned to the bed. It hurt so badly.” She started to cry, deep choking sobs.
I knew how to put in stitches. I knew how to run tests and make a diagnosis. But I didn’t know how to heal this. Instinctively, I rocked her on my lap, crooning to her in between tender kisses that I randomly dropped on her head. “Shhh, you’re safe now, sweetheart.” Over and over, I repeated the words, helpless to do anything else.
Long moments passed as I kept the same pattern of comfort going. Eventually, her breathing evened out except for an occasional small hiccup. I didn’t speak, letting the storm pass silently.
“I remember feeling like I was going to lose consciousness.” Her words sounded more matter of fact as if she were just telling the story and no longer reliving it. “And then all at once I could breathe. It took me a few seconds to realize I no longer felt his weight on me. I heard thumps and grunts and someone yelling words like ‘asshole’ and ‘motherfucker.’ I opened my eyes and saw someone beating the shit out of Mark.”
I let out the breath I hadn’t even realized I was holding. “Who was it, baby?”
“It was Chris.”
Chris? This was the secret he couldn’t tell me?His beach comments suddenly made sense. “Kayla was worried something bad was going on, so she had asked Chris to meet her in case either of us needed him. Being the kind of guy he is, he left work and drove up, but didn’t get there until after Kayla had already left the apartment. Thank God, she called, and he listened. I don’t know what would have happened had he not shown up.”
She went on to describe how Chris had landed a punch that knocked Mark out and how he scooped her up and got her out of the apartment. “He wanted to take me home to my parents or at least to Kayla, but I begged him not to. I didn’t want them to see me as I was. I was so ashamed I hadn’t seen how Mark manipulated me, and how I turned my back on the people who’d loved me for such a long time. So he checked me into a hotel where at least Mark wouldn’t be able to find me.”
If I ever saw this bastard, I would use every skill I knew to put people back together and use them to take him apart, piece by piece. “Please tell me you called the police and pressed charges against him.”
She sat up and shook her head. She stared at the floor and mumbled, “I didn’t want to deal with any of it. After all, thanks to Chris, I’d gotten away. Mark had hurt me, yes, but mostly he had scared me. I didn’t ever want to see or deal with him again.”
I shook my head. I could understand Jen’s feelings, at least at the time. But how had Chris thought it was okay to let the bastard go?
As if she could read my mind, she grabbed my hand. “Don’t blame Chris. His first concern was getting me to a safe place. He argued and argued with me about calling the police, picking up the phone to call them himself, but I freaked out more. I think he was so rattled about everything that happened that he was willing to say anything at the moment to calm me down. In the end, he waited until I fell asleep and went back over to the apartment. He did call the police from there, but by then Mark had disappeared. The police told Chris they could document the complaint for domestic disturbance, but they couldn’t pursue it further if I wasn’t willing to press charges. Chris finally convinced me and brought me to the police station, and I filed the charges.”
“But you never found him? Never heard from him again?”
She shook her head. “No. For a few months, I’d get the weird vibe that someone was watching me, but I never saw him, so I figured it was just paranoia. It’s a large part of the reason I moved here to Charlotte. I just needed to start over again in a new place.”
We sat for several minutes, each lost in our thoughts. “Didn’t know I was so stupid, did you, Dr. Cranston?”
I tightened my hold on her. “Oh, baby, never say that. Beautiful, sweet Jen, I’m so sorry you went through that.”
Her eyelashes fluttered shut at my words. “Don’t be sorry, Tyler. It’s my own fault.”
I jerked back to look at her. “No! No, Jennifer. This is innoway your fault!” She just stared at me with glazed eyes. “He’s a fucking savage excuse for a man and an abuser of women. You are not to blame.”
She sucked in a breath at the vehemence of my tone. “I know that on a cognitive level, but my head is still a bit messed up over it. As you can see, I’m a lot to take on. I can’t deny that experience changed me. It’s made me question just about everything I do and how I judge and react to people. I’m sorry to dump all this on you, but when you started to walk away, I got so scared. I knew it was my last chance, and I . . . I didn’t want to lose you. I’ve lost too much already.”
Yes! She did care. I wanted to fist pump the air, but I refrained. “I’m glad you told me, kitten. That’s too much to keep locked inside. I’ll always be here for you. I promise you won’t lose me.”
She looked me in the eye and blurted, “You and Chris are the only people who know what happened that day. Well, other than Mark.”
“Your parents don’t know? Kayla?” I asked in amazement.
She shook her head. “I had to beg Chris not to say anything. I was finally out of the situation, Mark couldn’t be found, and I was too embarrassed to let everyone know they’d been right all along, not after I’d chosen Mark over them. It was easier just to let them believe that I realized I’d made a bad choice, which was true. They didn’t need to know all the details of just how bad or the events the led me to realize my mistake.”
“Ashamed?” I couldn’t keep my voice from rising in volume. I felt her startle. Instantly, I reigned in my anger and reached out to cup her chin, applying gentle pressure until she raised her head, and her eyes focused on mine. “You didn’t do anything wrong, baby, except to love the wrong man. He manipulated you, and you were too in love and trusting to see it.”
“But that’s just it, Tyler. Ishouldhave seen it. Several of my friends tried to tell me, especially Kayla. She never liked him and tried to convince me he was slowly separating me from my friends and family. He had to be included in every decision. Sweet, innocent, trusting Kayla could see it, and I couldn’t. I was the one with more experience in relationships. I was the one who more savvy about men and their desires. So I chalked it up to her ignorance, maybe even jealousy. I ignored all the signs, and worse I ignored my best friend who has only ever had my best interests at heart. I turned my back on my parents who’d done nothing but love me. What kind of friend and daughter does that? I deserved what happened.”
I wiped away the tear that trickled down her cheek. “Don’t ever say that, Jen. You didn’t doanythingto deserve to be treated that way.” I hoped she heard the urgency in my voice. “It’s always easier for someone outside of the situation, Jen. He lasered in on your dreams and used them against you to create an illusion, and once you were hooked, he manipulated it to his advantage.”
She gazed at me in such a way, as if she wanted to believe everything I was saying, but still had her doubts. “Trust me, kitten. Unfortunately, I’ve seen a lot of similar situations during my time in medicine.Noneof those people, including you, deserved anything that happened to them. And you know Kayla would agree. If you don’t believe me, then ask her. She loved and forgave you evennotknowing all of the circumstances. And it explains a lot about why Chris is so protective of you. Don’t punish yourself anymore, baby. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have your dreams come true, for real this time.”
Several minutes passed while I continued to hold her close to me, but I shifted my position so we could both be more comfortable. She moved easily with me, and I heard her sigh softly as she nuzzled into my chest. After awhile, she grew so still I thought she had fallen asleep, so I was surprised when I heard her speak.
“Thank you, Tyler.”
“You’re welcome, baby, but for what?”
“For not giving up on me, for waiting me out, for believing and supporting me when I told you about Mark, for taking care of me when I was sick . . . any number of things. Your choice.”
“Always, Jen. But it’s me who should be thanking you.”
I loved how her eyes shone like sapphires as she stared at me. That was definitely my new favorite color. “Huh? Um, I haven’t done anything for you except give you a hard time, cry all over you, and just be a mess,” she exclaimed.
I shook my head. “Not true. You just gave me a piece of yourself just now. You gave me your trust, and I know that’s no small thing for you.” She was no longer crying, but there was some residual moisture under her lower lashes. I cupped her face and wiped under her eyes with my thumbs, then leaned forward and kissed her mouth. Her eyes fluttered closed, and I placed a gentle kiss on each eyelid and sat back. Her eyes blinked open. “Salty kisses,” I smiled. I ran my knuckles gently over her blushing cheeks. “Don’t be afraid to give me your tears and your fears, kitten. I’m honored to take them on.”
A huge smile lit up her face. I recognized it; it was the kind she reserved only for those she truly cared about.
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