Page 63

JEN

THE FRONT DOORclicked. The only noise was the grandfather clocked that tick-tocked in the hallway. I fell on my knees and sobbed.What had I just done?I didn’t even know which part of me I was crying for—the little girl on the beach who was full of dreams, the older girl who had her dreams beaten out of her, or the stupid girl who just threw away the man of her dreams. I cried until the little bit of food I’d eaten nearly came back up. Then I just curled into a ball, never getting up from the floor.

I lost all track of time, staring blindly at the Oriental carpet that was under my head. The front door clicked. I sat up and wiped my eyes, hoping Tyler had come back to me.

He hadn’t.

“Oh, honey, what’s the matter? Is it about your dad? He’s going to be fine. He even managed to talk tonight and the first thing he asked about was his princess.” My mom knelt on the carpet beside me and pulled me into her arms.

“Oh, Mom,” I sobbed against her chest. The whole story came pouring out of me about Mark and then about Tyler. Through it all, my mom’s only reaction was a few sharply drawn breaths and some tight squeezes, but otherwise she just listened without interruption until I finally fell silent exhausted.

“Oh, Jennifer,” she whispered against my hair. “My beautiful, sweet baby girl. How have you held all this in? Why didn’t you come to us?”

“I was so ashamed of the way I chose Mark over you. I should have listened to you the whole time. I did tell Tyler, and he’s been so amazing, but . . .”

My mom sat me up and made me face her. Her face was streaked with tears. “First, young lady, we’re your parents. We love you no matter what and you can always come to us.” Her arms enveloped me like a shield against the hurt from the past as she rocked me in her arms for several minutes.

Loosening her grip, she said, “I knew there was something going on with Mark, but I had no idea he hurt you. Let me tell you, he better never show his face around here! But honey, you can’t take responsibility for his actions. You didn’t know what he was really like until much later. He fooled a lot of us. You shouldn’t be ashamed that you placed your trust in someone you thought you could love.” She pulled back and cupped my face in her hands.

I stared at my mom in amazement. This was not how I envisioned her reaction at all. She was so calm, not at all hysterical the way I pictured her. Apparently, I had completely underestimated her. I seemed to have a habit of that.

“Now,” she continued in a no-nonsense tone, “what’s all this about Tyler?” She leaned forward and whispered, “He’s handsome, by the way. I like him. And I think hereallylikes you.” She winked at me.

Once again, I poured out my heart. “What do I do, Mom? How do I know if he’s the one? Nothing about us has come easy. We shouldn’t have to work this hard if it’s meant to be, right? You and Dad make it look so simple, and yet . . .” I quit when I realized what I almost said.

My mom studied me carefully as if she were debating what to say. Finally, she asked softly, “And yet he almost had an affair? Is that what you were going to say?”

I gasped. “You know?”

She nodded. “He told me about it.”

I couldn’t believe she was sitting in front of me, so composed as if we were discussing the weather. “Mom, I . . . I don’t know what to say.”

“You say nothing. You just listen. I don’t know how you found out, and I’ll not betray your father by telling you everything. But I will tell you that your father and I were having some trouble together. We constantly had arguments about . . . well, never mind what they were about. We went through a few days of not talking.

“There was a woman who worked at your father’s office. Truthfully, I always liked her, and she’d been to our house a couple times. I think she was very lonely and developed a crush on your dad over time. It was during our difficult time she made her move. Your dad can be kind of naive, and I don’t think he saw the signs, but I did. I don’t think he set out for anything to happen, but he reacted kindly to her positive attention which only served to increase her feelings.” She blew out a breath and leaned against a nearby couch. I had rarely seen my parents argue, so I was captivated by her disclosure. I propped my arm up on the coffee table and listened, amazed at how matter-of-fact she was about all of it. “I guess things started to ramp up, both at home with the arguing and at work with the attention. She made a move on your dad and tried to kiss him. It was then he realized just how far out of control things had gotten. He came home and we had a real heart to heart conversation. There were tears and accusations. And then we talked. Really, really talked. And that was the ingredient that had been missing during this whole debacle.”

“But he—”

My mom shook her head. “No, your dad didn’t actually cheat. Well,” she hesitated, “at least not physically. I believe him about that; we’ve always told each other the truth, even when it was painful. And I had blamed him unfairly about another situation. But my point is we worked hard to get past it. You see, Jen, true loveisn’teasy. We all want to believe that, and certainly there should be more easy than hard. But relationships take work.”

“It shouldn’t be so hard, though,” I argued.

My mom raised her eyebrow. “Is it really hard to be with Tyler?” she asked knowingly. “Or is it just situations outside of your relationship that are hard?” she questioned. “Of course you shouldn’t be with someone if you don’t enjoy their company or treats you poorly. Like Mark. And I don’t mean just physically. Does he respect your opinion or does he constantly try to change who you are?”

Immediately, I felt defensive. “I love the time we’re together,” I answered with conviction. “I feel safe with him. No, more than that. I feel alive with him. It just seems like we’re always trying to battle the past or other people, and I’m scared that’s what is defining our relationship. What if I’m just another patient to fix? What if someone who’s less work comes along that he’s attracted to?”

My mom smiled at my words. “Do you feel the same way about him? Are you going to grow bored just because there’s nothing left to fix?”

“Of course not!”

“Then why do you assume that about Tyler?” She grasped my hand and looked urgently into my eyes. “Did you ever think about what makes some things more valuable than others? It’s because those that are more valuable take more work to acquire. Some people want the cheap things because they come easier, and then because they don’t have anything really invested in it, they just toss it and move on to something different. Maybe your dad and I made it look easy, but we worked hard at it. Maybe we made a mistake letting you believe we never had any trouble. Anytime we had an argument, we just tried to hide them from you. We didn’t believe our child should be subjected to our anger for each other, but I guess we inadvertently showed you an illusion. But deep down we love each other enough to keep working through the difficult times because it was strong and true to start with. We’re invested in each other, and that makes all the difference.”

I stared at this remarkable woman in front of me and tried to absorb everything she just told me. “I think I may be too late with Tyler. I’ve pushed him away so many times.”

“There’s never a guarantee of happiness, honey. But there’s also no guarantee you’ll be miserable. Isn’t it better to take a chance at the positive one? I think you might owe him an apology and an explanation, but if he’s the man I suspect he is, he’ll listen. He’s invested a lot into wanting a relationship with you. I doubt he’ll just throw it away without listening to you.”

I blew out my breath and looked at the ceiling. “I don’t even know where he is,” I told her sadly.

She smiled gently. “He dropped me off here and said he was going to go for a walk. I think he’ll be back.”

“Thanks, Mom. I love you.” I hugged her tight, sorry I had allowed so many months of misunderstanding go by.

“One more thing, honey.” I tipped my head sideways. “Next time we have such a serious conversation, can we do it on the couch? I’m not sure I can stand up now.”

I laughed and helped her up. “I think I’m going to go for my own walk, and then I’ll track down Tyler and apologize to him. Again.”

“That’s my girl.”