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“I don’t need to believe you to stand by you, baby girl. But I do need you to make me a promise.”
“Okay.”
“I was in investment banking for twenty years. You don’t have a career for that long without knowing Hessler Group. What waits for you in Miami…it’s not the life I would’ve wished for my little girl. Money like that snuffs the soul out of people. It’s what happened to me.”
Dad has the wrong impression of Dex, and of Dottie too. It’s possible to have so much and still have a heart. “What promise?” I ask, clearing my throat.
“I want you to promise me that every single decision you make for the next year is with love in your heart and not money on your mind. Stay true to yourself because I refuse to lose you, Lenny. Not while I’m still breathing.”
Ladies and gentlemen—Sam Mitchell—the only person on the planet I don’t mind calling me Lenny.
“I’ll promise to lead with my heart if you promise to keep breathing,” I say softly. I’m dancing dangerously close to the line we never cross. But if I’m leaving, I have to know Dad’s okay.
“I promise.”
“You know, Dad, you think wanting money is evil, but the fact is, we still need it. It can be a good thing. It can give second chances.”
He turns fully now. “What do you mean?”
I was going to wait until after dinner and dessert and linger around after Mom went to bed, but now’s as good a time as any. I pull out my phone and put it on speaker as I dial the 1-800 number that I programmed in this morning.
After a brief automated menu, the hold time is minimal. A woman finally answers the line in such a cheerful voice for a student loan call center. “Thank you for calling Better Ed Student Loans. This is Gloria. How can I help you today?”
Dad’s eyes widen. He grabs the seat handle, returning to an upright position. “What are you?—”
I press my fingers to my lips to silence him. “Gloria, my name is Lennox Mitchell and I’d like to make a payment on my account.”
Obediently, Dad stays silent as I give Gloria my social security number and the password on the account. Tears form in his eyes as Gloria reads the painfully high totals on each of my private student loans. The debt I racked up never went to my education. I dropped classes, forfeited school, and used every extra penny of the loans to try and save my family’s home—a futile attempt that landed me in financial ruin. There are seven different maxed-out loans accruing interest at ridiculous rates. Gloria explains that some of the loans are delinquent, dangerously close to going to collections. Dad has to cover his mouth as he begins to heave, now fully crying at the damage he thinks he did.
It's not your fault, Daddy. It’s not your fault. It was my choice.I could tell him over and over again, but he’d never believe me. We don’t need to bleed over this anymore. It’s the main reason I said yes to Dex and this job before knowing howhe felt about me. My motivation was to absolve my dad of guilt. It’s the only way I could leave him and Las Vegas.
“Ms. Mitchell, that’s all of them. What payment would you like to make on which loan?” Gloria asks through the speakerphone.
I clear my throat, eyes fixed on Dad’s. “All of them. All of it.”
She pauses. “The entire balance? Did I hear that correctly?”
“Yes, I want to pay it all off, right now.” I fish in my purse and pull out the document Dex gave me yesterday with my new bank account information. “I have a routing and account number when you’re ready.”
I have to give Gloria the number seven times. One for each loan. One by one, I erase the demons that have been plaguing me and Dad for over a decade now. When we’re finished, Gloria congratulates me and assures me that I should see my credit score positively affected within sixty days or so.
I hang up the phone and say to Dad, “It’s the same thing the credit card companies told me yesterday when I paid them all off. Apparently, in just two months, my credit score won’t be negative twenty anymore.” I laugh, but this time, Dad doesn’t join me. He buries his face in his hands.
“I’m sorry, baby girl. I’m so sorry. You should’ve never had to… My burden, and I couldn’t take care of you…”
He’s soaking his short, dark brown beard, so I pull his hands from his face and wipe the tears away with the back of my hands. “It’s okay. Everything is okay. I’m free now.” I hand him my phone. “Your turn.”
He looks horrified, the skin on his forehead scrunching in tight folds. “What?” he croaks out.
“Every single loan, creditor, debt collector… Start calling.” I wave the bank document in the air. “We’re all starting over tonight.”
Dad shakes his head, blubbering. “No, no, no. I can’t let you do that.”
“It’s not just for you, Dad. It’s for Mom, too. Make the calls.”
His bottom lip trembles as he speaks, making his words come out in a vibrato. “Daughters aren’t supposed to save their daddies. That’s not how the fairytales go.”
I smile. “Dad, I love you… Fuck fairytales.” I point to my phone tightly clutched in his hands. “Make the calls.”