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“Out?” I scoff like the notion is ridiculous. “Then I would’ve had to put on underwear. Staying in is perfect.”
Dex levels a stare at me, his expression flattening, and I feel the heat in my cheeks. “You’re not wearing?—”
“Just a bad joke, Dex. Sorry.” The guilt floods through me for hoping that sparked his interest. For constantly wanting what’s not mine. “Is Leah joining us tonight?”
Dex barely jostles his head. “No.”
“Is something wrong?”
“I mentioned my grandma was in town, and she said she’d give me some space. Haven’t heard from her all week. I figured that was pretty clear.”
I lift one eyebrow.Yet, you say she’s changing your heart and mind?Men. Literally walking contradictions. “Oh, okay. Do you think she’ll be bothered I’m here?”
He shrugs simply. “I’d hope not. We’re not an item.”
“But all that stuff you just said? I’m confused.”
He squints at me as he crosses his arms, leaning back against the kitchen island. “What stuff?”
I palm my forehead and let out a low grumble. “I wasn’t eavesdropping. I was trying to wait for the right moment to cut in. I heard what you told your grandma about Leah. That was all so sweet. If you’re that into her, I don’t want to jeopardize your relationship. You should tell her I’m here just to clear the air. I asked Alan before I agreed to come.”
Dex opens his mouth, stalls, then clamps his lips shut. Whatever he was about to say, he changes his mind. “Why did you need Alan’s permission?”
I scowl, my hand finding my hip. “I didn’t ask for hispermission. I asked if he’d be uncomfortable. I keep saying how sick I am of men who play mind games. Why would I behave exactly in the way I’m asking him not to?”
“Okay, then what’d he say about you coming over tonight?”
“He said that he likes how important my friendships are to me and he’d never try to come between that. I think mostly he appreciated that I was honest with him. I tell him about every time you and I hang out.”
Dex swallows hard, anguish strewn across his face as his Adam’s apple rises then falls. “Yet you never mention a thing about Alan to me.”
I bite the inside of my cheek, debating my response. I know that look. There’s absolutely no mistaking it. He’s jealous. “I don’t kiss and tell, Dex. When you and I hang out, I tell Alan how much I’m learning about scuba diving and craft beer. Do you really want to hear about me and Alan sucking face?”
“Fair point. I don’t,” he answers flatly. “Speaking of which. Want a beer?” He tries to step by me to get to the fridge, but I catch his forearm. His eyes narrow in on the spot I’m touching him, so I immediately let him go.
“But…we’re okay, right? I mean, I don’t ask about when you and Leah hang out, purely out of respect. But if Alan bothers you, then maybe that means…”
I mentally beg him to fill in the blank. Here’s his chance. One little declaration. A small moment of honesty and if Dex is feeling remotely close to the way I do, we could?—
“It doesn’t,” he says. “I’m happy for you.”
“Good. And I’m happy for you and Leah, too.”
I hope I’m hiding my disappointment. I keep my eyes big but there are pins and needles dotting my face. What the hell? He’s acting jealous… Why won’t he admit it? Then again…why don’t I? Probably because every single time I have hope with this man, it’s theatrically squashed.
“Can I tell you something?” He locks eyes with me. “Sometimes with Leah…it’s really hard to read her because she so easily misses all the signs. I don’t want to come on too strong. But I’m into her…really fucking into her.So much so, it’s driving me insane.” It feels like salt in the wound but I smile and nod like it’s good news.I step out of his way, and he squeezes my shoulder as he passes.
“Why not tell her how you feel?”
He spins around and sucks in his lips as he looks at me. Once again, he’s taking his time to calculate his response. I hate how he does that. It makes me feel like our conversation is a game of chess I’m about to lose. He finally answers, a faraway look in his eyes, “It’s simple. She’s a flight risk. And I can’t afford to lose her.”
17
Lennox
Dex ordered enough food to feed the whole block. I sampled everything and it has me reconsidering the dress I wore. Pretty, but not remotely forgiving.
With my hands strewn across my full belly, I sink back into Dex’s couch. He’s busy in the kitchen, repacking leftovers and putting dishes in the sink, refusing to let me or Dottie help. I’m so stuffed I can barely move. I’m in a trance, watching the little fish in his giant aquarium under the low lights. It’s past eight o’clock, so the tank lights automatically switched to dim. The fish look so still, it’s like they are sleeping.