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“He thought you were an angel?” I ask.
She closes her eyes and nods in response.
My heart beats in slow, steady knocks as I watch her compose herself. She presses her lips firmly together. It looks like she’s trying not to cry. Here’s a woman who tries so hard to make lemonade with all the bullshit life seems to throw at her.
“Anyway, it messed me up for a while. I couldn’t sleep. I was paranoid, glued to my phone, and physically ill whenever hedidn’t text me back right away. I should’ve told someone. That was too much for a sixteen-year-old. But…”
I grab her hand, cupping it tightly. “He begged you not to tell anyone, didn’t he?”
“Yeah.” She tries to take her hand back but I hang onto it tightly.
“It’s okay. I won’t tell a soul, Len.”
“I would’ve told someone if I saw any signs. I swear. But he seemed to get better, like what he did was just a moment of weakness. He had to hit rock bottom before he could start climbing back up. And he found peace with being broke. Eventually, Dad stopped worrying about his reputation or getting his fortune back. Things mellowed out… But there’s still a part of me that can’t unsee that look on his face.”
I know better than she realizes. “Once you know real grief, trauma, or betrayal, you can’t go back to living in a world where that doesn’t exist.”
“Exactly.That’s exactly it.” She squeezes my hand back. “You must’ve gone through something heavy, too, if you understand.”
I could elaborate on how my mom died when I was seven. I never knew my dad. My grandpa was on my ass constantly, trying to ensure I grew up to be a replica of him with his inflated, elitist ego. It eased up when he drank himself useless, but then I watched my grandma slowly begin to work herself to the bone. Maybe I should tell Lennox I feel so fucking lost in my own skin, and Miami feels more like a life sentence than a privilege.
But I don’t.
Because here I’m just Dex—the scuba diving instructor. That’s the guy Lennox likes. The guy she talks to.
“Not really. Just a guess,” I tell her.
“Oh, okay. Anyway, I don’t know…sometimes I wonder what if it gets bad again? What if no one knows what he did when he was sad, and therefore, no one else can protect him?” She hangsher head. “I should’ve told my mom, but I made a promise. Now, if anything happens to him, it’s on me.”
“That’s a pretty big responsibility to carry, don’t you think? How can you constantly breathe for someone else?”
She tugs on her bottom lip with her top teeth. “Well, that’s what happens when you keep secrets.”
I wrap my arm around her bare shoulder, pulling her close. “And now you’re scared to leave home.”
“Something like that. Las Vegas is just where I belong.”
And there’s my answer. A bond I could never come between.
“Lennox, I’m sorry.” I have her smashed up against me, but right now, I’m not paying attention to her half-naked body pressed against mine. I’m just trying to make her feel safe.
“When I was little, I used to tell everyone I wanted to have a high-powered career and be important. I mean I was an ambitious little thing. Screw doctor or lawyer, I wanted to be a surgeon or supreme court justice. But after what Dad went through…”
“Now, what do you want?”
She leans away from me, breaking free of my embrace. “To be happy. I don’t want to get caught up with money, things, status, or any of that bullshit that made my dad go to the pit of despair. I don’t want money to ever make me feel failure the way it did for my dad. It was painful enough to make him want to end his life.”
I think Lennox’s dad and my grandpa have quite a bit in common. Money ruled their lives, but it also ruled their emotions. Except there was a stark difference between Lennox’s dad and Grandpa. I don’t think Mom would’ve ever stayed anywhere to be close to Grandpa. In fact, she ran away from it all—that’s how she got pregnant with me.
“Your dad is far from a failure. He has a daughter and wife who love every single version of him. You stuck by him throughthick and thin. He built a real family. That’s way more success than money can ever bring.”
Her face relaxes into a small smile. “I like that. He did, didn’t he? He built a real family. Thanks for listening.” She holds up her pinky. “Our secret, right?”
Hooking my pinky around hers, I promise her, “Our secret.”
A loud ring from behind us echoes through the empty community pool. It costs double to rent this place out after hours, but it’s worth it. These moments are precious…just me, Lennox, and the water. My favorite part of the week.
“Shit. What time is it?” she asks, grabbing my wrist and checking my dive watch.