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He holds my gaze. “You didn’t let me down.”
“Stop protecting me, Dex. If anybody else had spilled the beans to Richard you’d be coming down on them ruthlessly. I saw how angry you were. This whole situation is ridiculous. Who would be crazy enough to trust me with a company like this?”
He smiles. “My grandma…me. Why is that so crazy? You think people don’t make mistakes? I could tell you about someof my blunders my first few years here, and that was after a Harvard Business School education, mind you.”
I shake my head. “It’s not the same. All the mistakes I’ve made have been because I’m trying to make friends. I’m never going to have real friends here or a normal life. Being with you means isolating myself. I guess I have to get used to that.”
Dex drops his eyes to his lap as he squeezes my shoulder. “Is that really how you feel?”
“Come on. We both know I don’t belong here.” I roll my wrist, gesturing around the room.
“You don’t belong here in this office? Or, in Miami with me?” he asks quietly. His words are barely above a whisper but I know what he’s asking, clear as day. “Are you unhappy? Be honest.”
I place my hand on his cheek. “I’msohappy when you’re here. But, when you’re gone, I’m…”
“Not,” he finishes for me. “And I’m gone more often than not.”
“Exactly,” I admit.
He nods his head slowly, like it’s heavy. “It’s only going to get worse. Especially with Luxe Adventure shutting down.” He pinches the bridge of his nose and clamps his eyes shut like whatever thought he has is painful. “Len, I’m going to ask you something and please be honest with me.” His eyes are firmly fixed on mine. “Do you want to go home to Vegas?” He grips my shoulder tighter like he’s bracing himself for my response.
I don’t answer right away. I inhale and exhale, trying to control my sniffling. “I said I’d be here for you.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
I force myself to meet his eyes. “I never imagined a life where my entire purpose is to wait around until you have time for me. It’s weird for me not to have to work but still have everything in ridiculous abundance. I don’t want to feel like a doll on the shelf, collecting dust. I still want to do something with my life.I thought marrying you would help me find that purpose. But right now, I still feel very lost. And yes…I miss home terribly.”
“Doll on the shelf,” Dex parrots back in a murmur. “That’s something Grandma used to say.”
“I read her letters, Dex.” I point to the box I placed on the coffee table. “I think that’s much how she felt until she took over Hessler Group. She found her calling. I guess I thought I was following in her footsteps in a way. But I think we’ve established that I don’t have the business chops that she did.”
“You didn’t even give yourself a chance,” he says.
“There’s no time for chances when people’s livelihoods are on the line. I don’t want to hurt anyone else. Not the Hessler employees, not you…not myself. I just want?—”
“To leave?”
I want to deny it, but it’s true. I want to go home. I miss my old life, things as they were. But the look of sadness in his eyes is making my stomach twist. “It’s complicated,” I say, placing my palm on his cheek.
“Len, I don’t want to trap you in a life you hate. I don’t want us to have a marriage like my grandparents or their parents before them, where we lead separate lives and grow to secretly resent each other. Is that where we’re headed?”
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. “But you know what I do know?”
“What’s that?”
I smile at him. “I love you, Dex. With my whole heart. Always have, always will.”
He kisses my forehead. “Perfect timing. I needed to hear that right now. I love you too.”
“Good, so we’ll figure it all out together.”
“Why don’t you go home tomorrow? Spend some time with your family and friends while I sort things out here with yourtransition out as CEO. I’ll meet you for the dive trip and we can talk about how we can make this work.”
I breathe out in relief. “Okay, yes, that sounds good.” I’m liberated. I no longer have to play career woman Barbie in this office, but a glaring issue arises in my mind. “But wait…what about my salary, Dex?”
“What about it?” he asks.
“You paid my salary up front, and now I didn’t earn it… I already spent a huge chunk of it.”