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"Hmmm..."
There's a dip in the mattress and then "Before I met Raven, Sabrina, I thought I wasn't allowed to love. I didn'twantto love. My father loved my mother more than he ever loved me or himself and when she left us, it broke him. I saw what it did to my father, and I never wanted that for myself. I tried to fight my emotions for her but... I couldn't."
I sniff again and then sit up, facing the couple that drove half an hour to see me. "You don't understand, Maverick. I was..." I flick my gaze at my best friend, warm brown eyes full of concern. "Something…badhappened to me, and it's made me dysfunctional as a woman. God, that's embarrassing to say out loud. But I can't ever give him or Savage whatthey need from a woman."
Instead of reacting to me admitting my feelings for both men, Maverick frowns at the other thing I've said. "Have you talked to them about what happened?"
"No."
"Do you know who did that to you?"
"Yes."
He looks at Raven, then at me, and she blows out a big breath and sits up as well. He kisses her shoulder in encouragement, and then... she startstalking. Full-blown fucking sentences. She stammers here and there, and when it gets too hard for her to continue speaking, she lifts her hands and Maverick interprets. It takes her an entire hour to tell me everything. From what happened that night after the game, to dying, to waking up at Lorne Wood, remembering things, re-enrolling at Rayne-Moore, and confessing every single thing to me, including being kidnapped, starved, and drugged for days by Stephen Prescott - and then finding out it was someone very close to us.
I gasp and cry when I learn it all, how alone she was through it all.
And where was I? Living my best life. Being the worst friend imaginable.
"When we got her back after being kidnapped, she was catatonic a lot, lost in her thoughts," Maverick reveals. "And intimacy wasn't always easy. Sometimes it was fine, and sometimes... sometimes it's still tricky. Our girl went through more than one should in a lifetime, and we deal with it as we go along. She's getting better every day, but the only thing that really helped is that she let us in. Not just her body, but by telling us either with her voice, her hands, or her body language when she's fine and when she's not. Now, she initiates sex, too. Not that we ever had to beg,” he smirks and Raven blushes, “but Sabrina, if they love you, and they're not selfish assholes, not only will they understand, but they’ll also love you harder than you love them.” He pauses for a moment and then, "Having to battle your own demons gets exhausting. Don't lose that war. You don't have to ask for help. Not right away. Just let them fight one battle for you now and then."
I grimace then whisper, "They'll tire of me."
Maverick shakes his head at me. "That's impossible. If they love you even half as much as I love Raven, they'll hold you a little tighter and work a little harder, because you’re worth it, Sabrina. They'll give you eighty percent when you're at twenty, the fifty when you're at fifty, and the ten when you're at ninety. But they won't ever let you get to zero."
I ponder over that, seeing how my best friend's boyfriend loves her so dearly. "You'll make a great dad, you know that?"
Maverick chuckles and kisses Raven on the cheek. She closes her eyes at the contact, radiating a happiness I’ve never seen before. "We're working on that, actually."
I gag. "Ugh, your love is so deliciously disgusting."
They scrunch their noses at each other.
With a sigh, I roll my eyes at them and lay back down, Raven mimicking me, her hand on my shoulder, atop my shirt sleeve. "You're really going to make me an auntie before I'm thirty?"
She grins and her shoulder comes up to her ear then back down in a shrug.
"Good. I hope you give me nothing but nieces and they're all as fierce as you. I'll fatten them up with sweets and drop them off before the sugar hits as payback."
"Brina!"
I giggle, feeling as though I’ve removed a boulder off my shoulders.
"If you'll excuse me, I'm going to get some water," Maverick says, getting up and leaving, closing the door behind him.
After a few more seconds of silence, I break it.
“I tried to masturbate,” I confess and if Raven wants to smirk, she doesn’t, only keeping her face neutral, for which I’m grateful. This is already pretty fucking embarrassing. “I tried to… to Maksim’s face. But then… it turned into someone else’s.His.” I emphasize. “What if I’m never normal again? I want to feel that again, Ray. I want to orgasm. I want all those fluttering feelings that come with it. I want to let myself drown in a puddle of my husband and Parker’s cum, but the second I even tried to push my own finger into me, it was like I was putrid.” Tears well up, threatening to spill again, but I don’t let them. “I don’t just want to allow myself to fall stupidly in love with my husband and Parker, Raven. I want to fall in love with myself again.”
Raven blinks away her tears. “You... ha-have t-t-to le..t i-i-it ha-hap..pen.”
“How?”
Her caramel gaze shifts from me to the door, behind me. I follow her stare to see shadows beneath the doorway. She lifts her hands and makes her fluid motions slower so I can read them.Don’t lock your door at night. Let them comfort you. Get lost in them. Let them love you. I know it’s hard. But let them love you. Let them touch you. Awake. Asleep. Feel them. Let them take over your senses. Give it over to them.Let them take it away for you.
“You’re a devious little thing, aren’t you?”
She grins maliciously.I’m just horny and crazy.